Get Off Your Tuchus

Elevator speech, elevator speech, elevator speech!

I think I might eat, sleep, and dream about elevator speeches this week. I was so excited last week after I spoke to Holly that I wrote mine on the spot:

“My name is Michelle Solomon, and I’m a career and life coach for young professionals with a creative streak. Some are sick of pounding the pavement, and are now looking for direction in uncovering a new, stable career that they can be enthusiastic about. Others have left those artistic pursuits behind for a stable day job, and want to incorporate their talents back into their lives on their own terms. Either way, they’re discovering who they want to be when they grow up - & I get to go along for the ride!“

I really like the way it reads, and I thought I liked how it sounded, but when I read it to Holly it felt so non-conversational and……fake. So let’s see how that would sound if someone says to me “So, what have you been up to?”

“I’m studying to be a life coach and am in the process of launching my practice.”

“Cool. What do you do as a life coach? I’ve heard of that before but I’m not sure what they do.”

“Well, life coaches help clients define their goals as well as giving them a new perspective on how to get there. So I do that specifically with creative types - either people that are sick of pounding the pavement and want to find a stable job that they can be excited about, or people that have been in a day job for years and want to bring their artistic talents back into their lives. Basically, I’m helping people figure out who they want to be when they grow up!”

Ah. Much better. And I have 10 seconds to spare, since an elevator speech should be around 30 seconds. I still feel like there might be something missing, in terms of what I bring to the table, or the specific way that I coach, but in all fairness, I’m not sure how I do that yet! So my elevator speech will be a variable thing that is always growing and changing.

Tomorrow I’m going to a fundraiser for a theater company that I work with, and figure it’s the perfect opportunity to try out my elevator speech (actors LOVE to ask other actors, “So, what are you up to?” It’s polite & competitive at the same time). Bring on the creative types!

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Today I’m thankful for air conditioning. Air conditioning, I love you.

Celebration is going to be a huge part of my coaching model, so I loved every minute of this class.

I feel like this is the one aspect of coaching that is ingrained in me - being supportive and acknowledging the breakthroughs my clients have. After taking this class, though, I want to ensure that I spark my clients to actually celebrate their achievements, even if they consider it “a small one.”

When my 1st peer coach implemented this with me, it felt strange. “So I’m going to physically celebrate saying “no” to that invitation? Really?” Yes, really. “Well, I don’t have the money to celebrate all the time. Going out to dinner, seeing a show, throwing a party - that adds up!”

“Idiot!” OK, not the best name to call yourself, but it gets the job done. “You don’t need to sink hundreds of dollars to have a celebration! It can be as simple as:

* buying some stargazer lilies (your favorite flowers) and displaying them in your apartment

* taking time out for a bubble bath with a book you’ve been meaning to read and a glass of wine

* buying a piece of dark chocolate and savoring every bite

* watching a DVD without multi-tasking

* sitting in the park with the Sunday Times and an iced coffee, enjoying the weather and the people walking by”

I’m going to keep adding to this list, so every time I have something to celebrate I can flip to it and pick my poison. I’m in a celebratory mood just thinking about it!

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Today I’m grateful for my Mom. I have to stop giving her a hard time for nothing more than wanting to be an important part of my life.

OK OK, so not every session is a breakthrough session and maybe I AM just too damn hard on myself, but MY GOD when it clicks it really clicks!

I spoke with Client A last night, and the last thing she said to me is what a breakthrough she had today. I did feel like I spoke less, even stopping myself from relaying a story (”This isn’t about you, Michelle”) because I felt like it wouldn’t contribute anything. I still felt sometimes that I didn’t know what to say/ask, so I would often not say anything. Silence can be powerful, though, and it usually led to Client A continuing to speak and discovering something new.

But I have to recognize that my client has made major, major, major strides in the past 10 weeks, and without even the idea of me (not because of me) it might not have unfolded the way it did.

It all goes back to being proud of your client, and - as a coach - taking yourself out of the equation. Because when all was said and done, I was proud of her, and that’s my reward.

I love having a set time each week to discuss my business building! Without my scheduled sessions, I think that this would have gotten pushed back to being a 2009 goal, especially with all of my other (big, fat, huge, major) commitments. Instead, in 4 short weeks, I have:

* the start of an elevator speech (to be completed by Friday)

* a website that is up & running (but not launched yet - it’s not ready! But it will be soon and you will hear it here first!)

* a targeted niche (that can come with targeted marketing)

* a great understanding of who I want to help and why I started coaching in the first place!

I know that by the time I stop being coached by Holly, I’ll be a full-fledged business with all the necessities: a name, a website, a logo, a welcome packet, a services breakdown, business cards, and a marketing plan. Imagine that.

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I’m grateful for my business coach Holly who keeps me on the right track and helps me clarify my goals!

It was nice to focus on business building with Holly today. I hate to admit it, but it’s so much better than the Business Building classes at ICA! Probably because I get to focus on ME for 45 min/wk instead of on whatever the teacher (or the class) decides to talk about. I’m such a selfish bastard.

I get so animated when I talk about making When I Grow Up my career, that it helps squelch negative answers to questions such as:

“What are you getting yourself into?”

“Are you crazy?”

“Is this really - FINALLY! - the one that’s going to stick?”

The answer is yes. Yes, OK! YES! And YES it’s scary, and YES it’s a bit crazy, but YES it will be worth it, because it’s what I love and enjoy.

I’ve been kicking things into high gear with When I Grow Up. I started a blog yesterday (see link on the blogroll) and might actually have a website up by the end of the week! I’ll make sure to keep you all posted.

Next up: elevator speech. Can I really only limit myself to talk for only 30 seconds?

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Today I’m grateful for Bryant Park and my lunch break. Mostly, sitting in Bryant Park during my lunch break, with a slight breeze on a warm day with no humidity. Spring in NY is unfrackingbelievable.

Reflection
Why bother to discern UAC’s? The only way to break the patterns of your life is by seeing what your unconscious commitments are. You might set a goal for yourself that you find you can not achieve, like trying to eat healthier. Yet, you find yourself still snacking on chips. Why? The reason behind that behavior will bring to light what’s needed to overcome those obstacles. The UACs are those obstacles, and not only are they unconscious but they happen automatically - so they’re tough to prevent and tough to see.

What are some unwanted behaviors you currently have in your life? Putting too much pressure on myself is a huge one that I’ve recently opened my eyes to. Not being able to stop picking at my nails in another. Being stressed out by having to be productive at all times is also an unwanted behavior.

Using this process, can you now see what might be behind these outcomes? I’ve always put others before myself, and when I don’t I feel guilty. I’ve always been the one to hold up my family when things went badly. In order to be productive all the time, I have to be doing doing doing - which leads to picking at my nails (especially when I have nothing else to “do”).

With this new insight, what would be an empowering action to take? To carve out some “me” time that’s mine alone, no matter what else comes my way, and to delegate certain tasks that don’t need to be done by me. But the real challenge would be to trust myself, especially when I’ve done all that I can to ensure that things get done smoothly and correctly.

Why is it important not to view UAC’s as bad or wrong? UACs are the backbone of who you are, and that can’t be bad or wrong. I think the fact that they exist (and that you can find them!) should be celebrated!

Why is knowledge of an UAC helpful in making constructive choices? Because it gets to the core of any obstacle. Break through the UAC, break through the obstacle and reach your goal.

This was an odd one. We started with not knowing where to go, and about 15 minutes before we ended there were tears (teachers have said that this happens pretty often, actually - clients having a big realization more than halfway through) and something major that popped up that needs attention. I had her say out loud everything that was clouding her head, and tried to show how it can be turned around, but I felt like nothing stuck. Nothing stuck because it didn’t come from her! I showed her (or should I say told her) instead of having her find it herself.

But this is the big question: HOW CAN IT COME FROM HER? And what should I say when I hear “I don’t know?” And why haven’t I learned to STOP TALKING yet? Maybe it’s because I don’t know what to say? Or how to say it, without making it a leading question? I found a list of questions like I wanted to last week, but they were overwhelming and I wasn’t sure where to start with them.

I keep wondering, “How did Joanne do it? How did she have ME come to the realization? How did she allow me to find the answers myself?” And I’ve just drawn a blank. Like it was magic. And I’m starting to think that my Gift of Gab wasn’t such a gift.

I think I’m going to go to the discussion board and put this post (these questions, actually) out to the ICA community. And please, if you’re reading this and have any thoughts/ideas/suggestions, post a comment. Or if you can have these answers fall from the sky and just knock me on my head, then that would work too.

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Today I’m grateful for my man. Insert bunch-of-sappy-things here.

I’m really proud of myself because I spent the first part of my session acknowledging my good work! I spoke to Joanne, my 1st Peer Coach, yesterday and realized I’m being too hard on myself. So one of the things I’m working on is cutting myself some slack! I really feel like I made a big leap in de-stressing myself and not letting my mind (and my To Do list) control my mood and actions.

So today I focused on business building! I’m really getting the itch to get things up and running, especially since my job satisfaction has gone downhill lately. I want to get my website up, a business plan on paper, a logo for my company, and some business cards. That should take……about a week, right? WRONG!

I think my first step is to buy the book that Holly recommended, as well as talk to Luke about building a site. He builds great ones, but I don’t want to have to rely on him to get into it, update it, tweak it, etc. But I should use him to help me (it’s not like I keep him around for his good looks and personality or anything)!

I ain’t going to lie - Client A came to me with some heavy stuff today. It was both an easy session (when she needed me just to listen) and a hard one (how do you deconstruct a larger problem into smaller pieces?). You don’t want to have the client follow-up with something that they’re not ready for, or comfortable with, or isn’t their idea. I tried to make sure I really understood her situation, and tried to turn the mirror back on her so she can see if her recent revelation is an accurate one.

What’s amazing is that now she’s coming to these revelations herself, looking at things from a different way, and I hope she took it to heart when I commended her on that. What’s tough now is helping her figure out what to do with it. She knows what the obstacle is, but how is she comfortable moving forward? She didn’t know, and I wasn’t sure how to help her there.

I think what I need to do now is to find some key questions. I’ve seen them written down somewhere - great, thought-provoking questions. And not to use it as a cheat sheet, but to keep it close by (or really get it into my head) and, when I’m not sure how to go about something, I can just ask a question. I feel like, if you only Listen and Question, you can be a phenomenal coach.

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I’m grateful today for allowing myself to cut myself some slack. It’s a nice feeling.

I know, I know - I skipped Part 2! But I didn’t feel worse for wear for it. I was still able to follow everything and didn’t feel like there were pieces missing, so that was a good lesson to learn.

I feel like Re-framing is one of the most important foundations of coaching, so these classes are so important. What we spoke about today could be summed up in the question “What causes you to think that you’re right?” Immediately my mind went to “upbringing and experience”, but Angela mentioned culture as well. What else can explain all of these 18 year old entrepreneurs? And people getting married and having children a full decade  (or more!) after their parents before them? It was an interesting piece of the puzzle.

I also liked how Angela spoke about reframing a client’s perspective by having them relate from their heart and not from their head. She worked with a client who was very frustrated by a co-worker’s behavior. When Angela asked her “What do you think might be going on with this co-worker’s social life to make him act this way?” the client responded with a whole slew of depressing things that she knew were going on in his personal life. She couldn’t be sympathetic, and instead said “If it affects his work he should just take a sabbatical.” Angela then asked her client if she ever went through a personal situation that was painful and depressing. When the client responded affirmatively, Angela continued:

“Did you stop working?”

“No.”

“Were you good at your job?

“I’m not sure.”

“Why didn’t you stop working?”
“Because I wanted to throw myself into my work to distract me from my personal life.”

The client made that statement and immediately starting crying. THAT is what connected her to her co-worker, and it wasn’t until she “saw it from her heart” that she was able to reframe her perspective and relate to him.

This is honestly making me want to try and reframe every thought I ever had!

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I’m thankful today for the ability to take a step back and breathe.