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Honestly, I was so all over the place with this class for my own personal reasons. For the first 30 minutes I was very fidgety and found myself having to remind myself to concentrate. I had about 10 min of calm until I crashed and the next 20 minutes were spent looking at the clock and trying to keep my eyes open. This was not a reflection on the class, which was pretty engaging, but on me. I really have been going full steam ahead since we got back from the honeymoon and I need to take a few steps back.
I really did enjoy the 1st class exercise, where we each took turns defining what the word “trust” meant to us. To me, it’s dependability, support, and security. We haven’t tied it into “doubt” yet.
I would write more but I can’t keep my eyes open. Until Tue!
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Today I’m grateful for seeing a new perspective and for giving people a second chance.
I am STILL flying high from this class almost 2 days later! I got to coach a fellow student for about 20 minutes on an extremely significant topic. Without divulging much, here is a snippet of the dialogue:
Me: “So, what is the worst thing that could happen?” (We’re taught to ask this question to help lighten the situation)
Client: “Well, my father could kill himself or someone else.”
Um….OK. Fun stuff! But what was so exciting was that, when the client explained her challenge, my heart sunk and my brain started rambling. How am I going to deal with something so heavy? Thankfully I was able to push that out after only a few moments, and exhaled the pressure I was putting on myself to “fix this.” Instead, I focused on listening and asking questions. When I did have an idea for the client, I asked for permission to throw it out there. And then I got the lightbulb moment, and that was gold for me. Man, that was amazing. To start out REALLY not knowing where you’re going, and to have the client not only get there, but become enthused, confident, and considerably lighter – in just 20 minutes! This class ended at 11p and it took me almost an hour to come down enough to consider going to sleep. This is why I got into coaching, and I’ll be damned if it doesn’t become a thriving business!!
I wanted to post the feedback I got from the class & Prabha here so I can always come back to it. My strengths during this sessions were:
*listening * validation * clarity * keeping the session from getting emotional * asking questions
* mirroring statements * walked alongside the clients * kept it light *a-ha moment
* broke this big task down into smaller pieces for the client
I also loved the student that showed me what would make a great game for the client, as I’d love to work this tool into my sessions.
Yay!
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Today I’m grateful for soft pajamas.
This goes right along with the Celebration module for me, since it’s about lightening up! Although I coach people into figuring out what they want to be when they grow up, it doesn’t mean we have to stop playing games.
And while we did talk about when and why to bring significance into a session – significance meaning putting too much weight on a situation & being all grave about it – the focus was getting a round-up of tools to use that will bring “the game” back into the situation. These tools included:
* visualization
* making a joy list
* celebration
* reframing
* asking what the client would do if they had $5m
I look forward to next week & hopefully more tools!
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Today I’m grateful for Barack Obama (even though I missed the speech for class)!
Sigh. Another class where 10 minutes is spent on checking in and “sharing” and 40 minutes was spent listening in on a session. I know that I’m supposed to like these, but it’s 50/50 for me. Sometimes they’re worthwhile, sometimes they’re not. This one was down the middle. I think it’s just my 3rd class of the night and I’m tired. So blech.
The best thing about this class was when we spoke about what questions to ask our clients they feel invalidated. That really was useful.
Now, time for bed.
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Today I’m thankful for my acting skills. They come in handy.
These 10p classes kick my butt, so this is probably going to be short and sweet.
The most resonant part of the class today was when Pravda made the statement that people are actually speaking about themselves even when they speak to you. So when someone responds with “You’re going to run a marathon? That’s nutso! Why would you do that, you crazy person?” they are saying it because they could never see themselves doing it! I have to admit that the quote above would probably be said by me to the statement “I’m going to run a marathon” – and it’s absolutely because I think it’s a crazy thing to do.
We also spoke about how showing someone respect and is like giving a person oxygen, and taking it away is like sucking it out of the room. One of the students said “I’m going to tell my client that she should take an oxygen tank around with her and ask the person who is invalidating them (and invalidator?) to use it!” What a great analogy.
Pravda is a new teacher, and I like her because she specifically asks “How can we use this with our clients?” It gives us concrete suggestions (“Does this statement actually reflect how you see yourself, or is it something that someone is reflecting on you?”) to take to our clients, which is really helpful.
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Today I am grateful for my Dad.
I’m so sad that this is Angela’s last class at this time! I really come out of her classes with so, so much to take away and think about.
This week I really did my homework and just noticed what it was that makes me react. When I originally thought of this, the first thing that popped into my head was “commuting”. Getting to work in NYC is actually a fairly hostile task, and causes me some stress first thing in the morning or after 9 hours at work. So I started noting my reactions when I commute. Basically, there’s a few audible sighs, some shoulder blocks, really fast walking, and lots of “You had to walk RIGHT if front of me, didn’t ya?” and “Could you walk any slower?” running through my head.
But I also realized that I was extremely hypocritical about my behavior. Here I was, chastising others in my head for being aggressive while I was doing the same thing! I walk right in front of people! I bump into others when trying to squeeze into a crowded car! I speed walk to the nearest seat and get ticked when someone beats me to it!
But then, it became something more. When I was at work, I was rushing. Trying to get from this task to that task in the shortest time possible. And if someone interrupted me, I was short with them.
So, what would happen if I chose to stop and smell the roses (or at least let someone cut my off without cursing them out in my head)? Would I not have to feel that sitting down at my desk on time was akin to winning some sort of battle? And once I was there, could I not react to those that prevented me from getting things done as quickly as possible?
This was obviously a huge realization for me, and one that I feel would take a fairly major personality overhaul to achieve. Angela asked me, “But do you have to change?”
My response: “No. But I want to.”
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Today I’m grateful for margaritas and good company.
I admit it – I was too tired on Thurs night after this class to post! So the thoughts aren’t as fresh as I like them to be, but hey – sleep is important too, people 
What I loved about this class is that I learned the difference between responding and reacting! Before reading the material and participating in the discussion, I would have said that those two words were synonyms. I couldn’t be more wrong!
A reaction is an uncontrolled reflex while a response is a pro-active choice. Ever notice that “response” and “responsible” share a root? There’s a reason for that! When you respond, you’re choosing to acknowledge (& connect with) the stimulus, while a reaction is a disconnected “choice” (in quotes because really, a reaction is not a choice) that usually feeds your ego and gives power away.
What makes you react? Angela mentioned that you should observe those stimuli & think about whether there’s a way to take away the reaction and replace it with a response. For me, I react a million times on my commute. Every time I walk out my door I’m walking quickly, sighing when slow people “get in my way” and when people won’t “get out of my way” to let me on & off the train. Am I the victim here? In writing this, I realize that I’m certainly playing the role of one. And talk about ego! Like all these people are purposely swiping their MetroCards slowly in order to hold up my day.
Ugh. I’m cringing just thinking about it. But how can I change my reaction, which is an ingrained, automatic habit (for lack of a better word)? I’ll take note of it this week & will try to brainstorm all the things I can do to stop and smell the roses, even if someone is in the way of the rose!
Usually I hate taking Part 2 without taking Part 1, but I was a rebel today and did it anyway! Oh, I’m so bad.
Turns out that Linda had a sub today, so Joanne led the class and was awesome. When she said that she had a 2 page book excerpt to read I was like “Groan!” (I didn’t say that out loud, BTW – it was in my head. Can you imagine? “I’d like to read this excerpt-” “GROAN!” That would have been weird. And rude. Sorry, I’m tired.). But she read what I imagine was the beginning of “Lies at the Altar: Truths to a Great Marriage” by Dr. Robin Smith, who I guess is on Oprah a lot and stuff. The gist of it was that she was seriously involved with an addict, and not only did he lie to her and others, but he turned her into a big fat liar too. She wrote something like “I would lay out his disguises on the bed in the morning”, and would help him concoct his fake truths, and repeated these lies to those he loved and anyone who asked.
What struck me was how she didn’t play the victim. This was not “Look what this addict did to me. I trusted him and he made me into this monster.” It was “Look what I became. It was because of this man, but I had a hand in it.” She took responsibility for these actions, and I feel that once that happens you can turn your life around. Her perspective was one that allowed her to move forward – and be an author that has her own Oprah segments.
One of the students went on Dr.Smith’s website and said she writes “Some people believe that they don’t need what they do need.” I came across this personally today. I’ve been hurt by a friend’s actions but kept saying that I didn’t care, it didn’t matter, whatever. But when I had the chance to tell her, I did. I did because I DID care and it DID hurt my feelings. I didn’t think I needed her to apologize or to tell me she didn’t mean what she did, but I did. I was lying to myself in saying that I didn’t care and I was lying to her when I’d turn down social outings without telling her the real reason why.
So, what’s your truth? And what’s stopping you from reaching it?
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Today I’m grateful for Hawaii, and that I get to go there on my honeymoon!
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