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So I said I’d blog & here I am! I had my first “real” session with “S” (I know I’ve been saying Client A, Client B, but frankly I’ve lost count & I don’t know what letter I’m on) tonight and am so excited to work with her. She’s really the first client I’ve had who is like me in SO many ways, & it’ll be interesting to see how we’re able to play with/against each other.
And yes, I’m still focusing on “silence”, but it’s hard with “S” because she’s a chatty one (told you we had a lot in common!). I feel sometimes if I don’t jump in there she’s talk for the whole session. Although it would be interested to see one session if that’s the case!
What I’ll remember from this session are two cliches with oh so much truth in them:
“Feel the fear – and do it anyway.”
“It’s imperitive that you live your dream so others can live theirs.”
Amen!
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Today I’m grateful for an inexpensive dinner of turkey meatloaf & 2 sides in a gourmet supermarket. It’s the little things.
I prefer blogging right after a call. In fact, I’ve made it part of my routine: call, log, blog. But I have a feeling that’ll never happen with Client C, as our sessions are at 7a and then I rush to work! Thankfully my mind is still fresh – even though I woke up an hour earlier than usual and it’s after 5p – and I can get my blogging done.
Client C was unable to get the Intake Form to me prior to the session, so this was more of an Overview/Getting to Know You Session than anything else. What makes it so interesting is that (a) Client C lives in Japan but is from Canada and (b) she really wants to figure out what she wants to be/do when she Grows Up! She is a great blank slate, which I find both curious and awesome. She’s an energetic, chatterbox who I just can’t wait to work with!
Ah! I haven’t written about Client B since Session 7! Guess I fell off the wagon with that one.
Well, I think that this post is going to feel similar from the last one, as the more I coach the more excited I am to make coaching my career. I will never forget Client B saying to me, during our first session, “Well, the reason I’m here is because it’s a requirement for graduation.” What do I do with THAT?! I thought I was heading for 11 more sessions of not being open, not questioning, just….being there.
Thankfully, I couldn’t have been more wrong.
Client B is someone who takes the bull by the horns, listens to her body and her mind, questions her actions and motivation and is ALWAYS looking for the next hurdle to jump. We were never at a lack for anything to work through, and for someone without a clear picture of why she was there, she accomplished so, so much – I can’t wait to see where she eventually lands. I hope she keeps listening to her heart and not the voices in her head telling her what she HAS to do.
In her response form, and in our sessions, she expressed how much our sessions enthused her and how fun they were. I’m so glad that I was able to help her be inspired, and to move forward, and to show her a new way to coach.
Between my 2 clients and the session I had in class yesterday, I feel like I really, truly know what I bring to the table as a coach. I absolutely can not wait to build my “dream life” by being myself and doing what I love.
I love working with Client B because she’s the one that comes to me with the realizations and the shifts in perspective! Sometimes I feel like there’s nothing I can add, because she’s taken action steps on her own and is happy with the results. That’s when I celebrate with her and ask questions to ensure that she’s satisfied with where she is. From there, she might come to other realizations that I’m able to nudge her along until she utters one thing or another that leads to a breakthrough. But my favorite words that come out of her mouth are the ones that say “If I’m all over the place, it’s because I’m processing this now….” THAT is where I feel like I’m a coach! When I talk only when I have to, and then mostly in questions, which allows the client to figure something out for herself. I did throw out a challenge of doing A or B – and she picked one and added on to it in the way that would be most helpful for her. That was awesome.
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Today I’m grateful for surprises and the people that try their best to keep them.
Have I mentioned that I love working with Client B? I feel such a great amount of give and take, listening and responding, from both sides of the phone. I’ve learned with Client B to relish in the silences, as that’s where realizations take place. That is a huge lesson for me! As a big, loud talky talker I’ve always been wanting to fill the silences. I’d even go so far to say that I was afraid of them! But nothing is better than posing a question – especially when I know I’ve been clear – and hearing nothing. I shouldn’t say that, actually. I really hear the thinking, and the effort it takes to not only come up with an answer but express it correctly. That’s when I know that I’m doing a good job.
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Today I’m grateful to know that not seeing Batman won’t actually kill my pre-husband, unless he drops dead before the 6:20 showing.
I love my sessions with Client B, a soul-searching, spiritual enlightened woman who is constantly discovering who she wants to be when she grows up! And, as someone who has already gone through a coaching-like program, she teaches me something every session. Today she said, “Forgiveness & release is a day-to-day process” and it gave me chills. As a former grudge-holder who is yet unable to say to certain people, “Yes, I forgive you, let’s move on & forget about it” this really spoke to me. I think that most people were instilled with the value of “forgive & forget”, but how easy is this really? It might be easy when the thing that you’re forgiving/forgetting is fairly unconsequential, but what if it’s not? What if the actions of your best friend ripped your heart out, but you want to “forgive & forget”, even if it’s years later? As you might be able to tell, this is something I’m personally going through now and am having big problems with. It might be easy to forgive, but it’s forgetting that’s the hard part. If you view this, though, as a day-to-day process, it’s easier to take that guilt that’s hanging over you out of the equation. Instead of beating yourself up with questions of why you still resent your best friend, you can acknowledge those feelings & not give yourself a guilt trip over feeling that way.
We actually spoke a lot about acknowledging our “bad” feelings today, which I feel is a common obstacle for most women today. In 2008, we’re expected to be strong, independent, responsible, nurturing, & always smiling/chipper/positive. We end up making sure that everyone around us is taken care of, usually at the expense of our own self-care. When we have a “bad” feeling come up (anger, fear, frustration, et al) we try to make it go away as fast as we can. Quick! Get rid of it before anyone sees!
But the outcome of pushing those feelings down – or of not even acknowledging them to begin with – is a permanent state of unease and falsity with a 0% chance of turning around the situation that has made you feel angry/frustrated/upset in the first place. At least if you acknowledge (I know I should find a synonym for “acknowledge”, but I just like that word so much!) that you’re in a “bad” feeling, and give it a name (“Am I angry? Frustrated? Not in control?”), and discover why you’re feeling this feeling (“My boss didn’t acknowledge my hard work”, “I hate this stupid job”, “I’ve had spinach stuck in my teeth all day”) you can then (a) allow yourself to take some time and really feel this feeling until the end of the ride or (b) allow yourself to focus on your breathing for 30 seconds so you can get past it & reflect on it. Either way, it’s going to allow you to discover what prompts these feelings so you can figure out how to circumvent it while also allowing you to be true to yourself & not bottle things up inside.
As you can tell, Client B and I really had nothing of importance to say to each other today 
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Today I’m grateful for unstructured Saturdays.
These sessions with Client B are so exciting, & gets me in such a great place as both a coach and as a person. I’m not sure if it’s because Client B is an articulate woman who has experience in personal development & is aware of her own UACs, but the coaching comes so “easy” with her. It’s easy for me to listen, and to talk (but not too much & not to advise), to enthuse & to question. She even coached me today when we explored the power of words, & she remarked “Imagine if every person in the world used their words to only speak their truth”. That’s obviously a lofty goal for everyone, but we’re working to find the words that empower her and motivate her , which are different words than those that empower me (or you!).
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I’m grateful today for having Client B start my weekend off right for the next 10 weeks!
As an actress, the applause and the laughter of the crowd was the reward. As a coach, it’s the silences, the “I have goosebumps!” and the excitement that you get through the phone that gives you that high. It’s hearing your clients light-bulb moment, and feeling their enthusiasm over jumping that hurdle that will get them to the next step of reaching their goal.
I started Session 1 with my first peer client (who is an ICA student, as opposed to my external client who was – at least at first- not associated with the school) today. It was nerve wracking because I only knew her though her emails and her intake forms, and she’s older than most of my peers or what I thought would be my target audience. Thankfully, it turned out that my worrying was all for naught! We immediately clicked, her friendly voice inviting me into her life, sharing her story and what she’s already discovered about herself. We uncovered some UACs that she only covered superficially before, and I got the silence, the inhale of breath, the “I’ve got goosebumps!” and the “Y’know, I never saw it that way, but it’s absolutely true.”
I think we uncovered many wants, and I know we’ll have plenty to work on and do over the next 11 weeks. I’m so excited to see where this vibrant, enthusiastic, vulnerable (in the fact that she’s open to new things & is focusing now on what makes her life fulfilling) woman will go!
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I’m grateful for a beautiful Saturday and the start of a wonderful weekend.
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