Category Archive

This is my last Foundations class! Not bad for two months of work (with some Advanced classes thrown in there as well).

This is such an important topic, but a lot of our time was eaten up by some specific examples that didn’t drive home the topic for me. One of the challenges with these classes is that most of the students are “talkers”, and want to get their two cents in. So, someone will make a point, and then before the teacher can answer, someone will ask a question and then someone will interrupt with another point. It’s frustrating sometimes.

But what I got out of this class is all of the different ways you can show your clients a new way of looking at things. And isn’t that what coaching is about? Because if the way they are looking at things was working for them, they wouldn’t be paying a coach! There were some great reframing questions here, and I know that I’m going to use them for both my clients and myself.

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Today I’m grateful for not having to take 2 hours out of a precious, rain-soaked day to schlep to Queens!

DISCUSSION
1. What do you believe coaching is? I believe that coaching is a way for someone to get un-stuck, become focused on their goals (or discover what those goals are), receive support and encouragement,  become an optimist, and be accountable for their future.

2. What would you say to someone who asked you what coaching is? Coaching is a way to discover what you want, focus on those goals, and get a new perspective as to how to reach them. Your coach will encourage you, brainstorm with you, hold you accountable for your actions in relation to the goal, and challenge you to see things in a new perspective. A great coach will give you the tools you need to approach your life decisions in direct relation to your objectives, and you’ll be able to eventually reach those decisions on your own.

3. What are the major differences between coaching and other disciplines? Therapy focuses solely on the past, and how to overcome it in order to become a functional person. A consultant is an expert, who comes in to tell you how to “fix” your situation and then leaves. A mentor takes you under their wing and often gives advice based on their own experience. A coach, however, focuses only on the present and how it relates to the future. She knows that only the client is an expert on what is best for them, and does not bestow any guidance. Rather, the coach examines the situation, creates a plan of action, and works side by side with the client to create a solution using the client’s knowledge and answers. A coach takes a functional person and helps to make them an extraordinary person.

REFLECTION AND APPLICATION
Write down the principles you believe are fundamental to helping a human being move forward in life.
* Being non-judgmental
* Listening 80% of the time and talking 20% of the time
* Ensuring that you understand what is being expressed (aka “you know what happens when you assume”)
* Questioning
* Suspending advice giving
* Being supportive
* Offering words of encouragement
* Focusing on the positive
* Challenging the way that they see/do things
* Allowing them to discover & focus on their goals

REFLECTION AND APPLICATION
1. What do you understand to be an “ideal coach”?
* Someone who is committed to living an extraordinary life and ensuring that their clients do the same
* Someone who is reliable, not only to be there when needed but to speak to their clients openly and truthfully
* Someone whose actions are aligned with what they say are important to them
* Someone who is coachable themselves - who get excited to see things in a different light and value the feedback and ideas they receive from their clients.
* Someone who is generous with others and themselves.
* Someone who is compassionate towards themselves and others
* Someone who enthuses those around them by living a full, satisfying life.

2. Can you see where you display these qualities in your own life? Yes. I feel that I display most of these characteristics - or at least try to! I also feel that a genuine interest in people, strong communication skills, a large degree of selflessness, excellent listening abilities, and a sense of humor will help complete the formula for an ideal coach.

3. Are there areas where these qualities are missing? Yes, because some of these are very lofty ideals! I know that I’m considered a reliable person (by most people), and I like to think that I’m generous, compassionate, and vivacious. I know that I am coachable, and now that I know what’s important to me I try my best to live my life by those priorities. I know what it will be tough for me to listen more than talk, and to keep my opinions and advice to myself.

4. What would your life be like if you were to become “an ideal coach”? It would be ideal! I would love to think that I’m an ideal coach that can help my clients achieve their goals and inspire them to talk about coaching to others.

This class was neat because everyone shared their stories of why they want to be a coach. It was nice to reiterate my story, because it keeps driving home why I’m here and what I’m looking to accomplish. Based on another students words, I also solidified my business name (I’ll finally stop torturing you, Joanne!) and am really excited about it. Until I buy the url, though it’s my little secret (can you tell I’m a New Yorker and slightly distrustful by nature?). It’s obvious what a good coach Ton is, because after everyone’s story he told them why their particular strengths were going to help them be a good coach (mine was acting).

Well, I guess this entry was short and sweet today. I’m going to go out and enjoy the weird 65 degree weather that we’re having in NYC now. Whoever sys global warming doesn’t exist should come to New York stat and then see if they can say that again.

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Today I am grateful for my ever-supporting boyfriend, who lets me pursue my dreams without a selfish bone in his body.

REFLECTION AND APPLICATION
1. What would you like to do for people? I want to help my clients:
* discover what it would take to live a passionate, successful, healthy, vivacious life
* release burdensome values, goals, & priorities that might have come from other sources
* recognize - and listen to - the voice in their head that’s pointing them on their own unique path
* give them the tools to create and maintain the life they’re looking to lead

What gifts do you have to offer, as a coach, that can make people become empowered? With a combination of excellent communication skills, great social skills, a killer sense of humor & always maintaining a sense of fun, I know that I can be a wonderful coach! I also have a genuine interest in people, natural abilities as a listener, and the passion to empower people to live the life that’s right for the.

2. Why are you a coach? What is the drive behind coaching for you to make things happen for people? Growing up, the only thing I ever considered doing as my career was musical theatre. I came to NYC, went to NYU, and pounded the pavement for 8 years thereafter. But I got older, and my priorities changed, and I hated going to brain-numbing day jobs and I hated wasting days at auditions. But what else could I do with my life? I as focused on my Big Broadway Dreams for 20 years, and letting it go as the Big Goal Of My Life - and trying to figure out what else I could possibly be passionate about - was a tumultous, heart-wrenching time. I would be honored and thrilled to make that journey easier and a more positive experience for others.

REFLECTION AND APPLICATION
1. Name three specific goals you would like to achieve in your coaching practice by the end of six months. By April 2007, I would like to:
* Choose a business name, buy the domain, and print business cards.
* Complete the Welcome Pack and incorporate my name, logo, and tagline throughout
* Have 1-2 Peer Clients and start telling people what you do (and welcome those that will pay you!)
What business structure do you want to have in place?

How many clients do you want to coach? 1-2 Peer Clients
What revenue target are you aiming for? $100/session for paying clients
When do you want to graduate from International Coach Academy? Be specific in your answers. Dec 2008
2. Write down the ideas that come to mind. Or print out the answers to the above questions. Put it somewhere where you can think about it regularly and continue to add more ideas. Take action by writing down a target date you are committed to finish the ICAProgram.

3. What will be your three-month milestone? Jan 1, 2008
4. What are your three biggest barriers or fears around becoming a coach?
* I won’t know what to say/do when I’m having a session with a client
* I won’t be able to withhold “leading” them / giving them advice
* I won’t be perfect (damn perfectionism!)
How about building a successful practice?
* I won’t have any clients
* I won’t get the money I’m asking for
* I won’t be able to support myself
Bring these up with your coach in the first two weeks of class so you can be clear about it yourself and get the support and help you need.

5. What are your top three objectives in building a successful practice? Post your answer on the discussion board.
* To have it be my main source of income (& a lucrative one at that!)
* To be an expert in my field
* To coach clients one-one-one as well as conducting successful workshops

DISCUSSION
1. Describe your “doubt loop.” I’m very nervous about “not having enough training” and “not knowing what I’m doing” - and getting on the phone with a client and just being utterly lost. So I keep putting it off and telling prospective clients that I’ll let them know when I’m “ready.” But when the heck will that be?
2. How will you break the cycle and begin to feel confident about coaching?
* I’ll take the BoC Classes and bring my questions
* I’ll continue to talk to Joann about my fears and role play with her
* I’ll post ad ad (or answer one) on the Discussion Board by Jan 1 ‘08 to get a Peer Client

DISCUSSION
List three ways in which you could reduce your rate to an attractive level for your client to be willing to pay for your coaching.
* Offering 50% off if they refer 5 people
* Offering 25 off it they write a testimonial
* Offering to coach them for 50% off the first month, 25% off the second month, and full price for the third month
* will take 25% off the 3rd month if they submit a testimonial
* will take 50% off the 3rd month for a testimonial + 5 referrals

REFLECTION AND APPLICATION
Create your practice design worksheet. Describe how your practice is structured, how you coach, and anything else that is relevant to running your business.
* Logistics:
* 45 minute sessions, 3 or 4 sessions/wk at the client’s discretion
* all sessions via phone unless otherwise specified
* all clients must give me 24 hours notice and I will attempt to reschedule for the same week. If we can’t come to a mutually beneficial time, an extra week will be added on after the last week. If they are less than 15 minutes late to a call, the call ends at the same time. If they are more than 15 minutes late/no show to a call, then there is no refund or make-up
* holidays will be known and rescheduled when client agreement is signed
* Payment
* By PayPal or personal check (must clear prior to starting)
* One on one: 12 sessions minimum @ 45 minutes/session
* Paid at beginning of every month: $100/session
* Pay for six sessions in advance: 10% discount ($540)
* Pay for all 12 sessions in advance: 20% discount ($1060)
* same discount applies no matter how many sessions you buy in advance
* Group sessions by phone: 12 sessions minimum @ 45 minutes/session
* 2 people: $75/session each (same discount applies as above, but at 5% and 10%)
* 4 people: $60/session each (same discount applies as above, but at 5% and 10%)
* Workshops by phone: 8 sessions @ 75 minutes/session
* $80/session (same discount applies at 5% and 10%)
* Group sessions face-to-face (seminars): 8 sessions @ 75 min/session
* $70/session, no discount
* payment due at beginning of session
* “Quick fix”
* $200, no discount, due up front
* 1 intake form to be filled out by the client
* 1 45 minute call
* 1 personalized Power Tools pack
* development exercises
* recommended books
* 1 book
* coupon for future sessions (20% discount or 1 free 45 min private session via phone)
* Email sessions
* only for established clients
* 6 back-and-forth “conversations”
* includes all the Quick Fix has minus the book
* $150
* Standards & Boundaries
* I must give my client 24 hours notice
* will reschedule for same week or add it on at the end
* less than 24 hours will result in a free 45 minute session
* from me, my clients will expect:
* a partner
* a supporter
* judgment-free feedback
* expert listening
* punctuality
* an enthusiastic attitude
* preparedness
* from my clients, I expect
* for them to know what needs to be addressed that week
* for them to do their homework
* for them to be punctual
* for them to be prepared
* for them to be receptive
* call/email
* clients can expect a call/email within 24 hours from me
* anything that takes more than 15 minutes will be charged a pro-rated fee
* clients can expect to leave a voicemail after 9pm
* email OK anytime

REFLECTION AND APPLICATION
Create a list of standards you will uphold in your business. This could be included in your welcome packet for both you and your clients to agree upon.
* I must give my client 24 hours notice if I need to cancel a session
* will reschedule for same week or add it on at the end
* less than 24 hours will result in a free 45 minute session
* Clients can expect a call/email within 24 hours from me
* anything that takes more than 15 minutes will be charged a pro-rated fee
* My clients will expect:
* a partner
* a supporter
* judgment-free feedback
* expert listening
* punctuality
* an enthusiastic attitude
* preparedness

To answer the question, “what do you do?” create a 10-second elevator speech that will enthuse your prospect to say, “tell me more about coaching!”
“I help people discover what they want for the future, and carve their own path to reach their goals.”

Reflection & Application
1. Make a list of all the things you listen for as a coach:
* What the client says
* What the client doesn’t say
* How the client is saying it / tone
*  What feelings & emotions are being expressed
* What feelings & emotions are being withheld
* If / what symptoms are being expressed
* If / what symptoms are being withheld
* Blame
* What excites the client
* What the client is committed to
* Verbal patterns (ie repeated words)
* What would fulfill the client’s inspiration
* What would get in the way of the client’s goal
* Silences
* Change in subject
* Avoidance of questions

2. In you opinion, what are the top 5 things a coach listens for?
*  What the client doesn’t say
*  Tone
*  What excites the client
*  What feelings and emotions are being expressed / withheld
*  What would get in the way of the client’s goal

I took this class on Saturday afternoon, but didn’t have time to blog afterwards - I had to run and have the back of my head star on Saturday Night Live with Bon Jovi! This is the fourth time I’ve worked on SNL (although I’ve only be shown on camera for one episode) , and it never ceases to be exciting. Part of the reason I want to be a coach is for the flexible schedule, so I can keep a hand (or a finger, or however large or small a body part I want to put in the mix) in the acting world. I just can’t bear to give it up completely.
But anyway, back to class. I hated that this was the first time I was able to take Intro to Coaching - almost two months after I started classes. While I thought the majority of the class was still interesting and applicable, I had trouble concentrating when we started discussing things that I’ve already learned.

The major thing for me here, though, was Ton driving home the fact coaching is about educating the client. While I knew that a coach should not be compared to a consultant or a therapist, I never really thought of them as a teacher. Actually, though, once the coach finds out what makes a problem a problem, they then teach the client what their learning style is. Once a client’s eyes are opened as to how they learn best, the coach can then show them how they can best overcome an obstacle and the client can thereafter rely on themselves to best address a situation. I never really thought of coaching like that, or approaching life like that even. But why wouldn’t you, as an adult, figure out how you tackle life’s challenges and see if it’s conducive to how you best learn? It just makes a lot of sense.

I know that, for me, the big struggle is going to be to take myself out of the equation, and instead focus on questioning the client. What road do they want to take? What do they think is the next step? I’ll probably end up making a cheat sheet that I have next to me on all calls, that simply says:

* Power Listen

* Paraphrase

* Questions

* Non judgemental

I think just keeping those small things in the front of my mind would make a big difference.

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I feel grateful today for wonderful friends and gorgeous fall days that exist just to pick apples.

OK, OK, I learned my lesson. I learned my lesson, OK! I will now always take Part 1 before Part 2. However much it works with my schedule, however much I tell myself it doesn’t matter - it does. AND I will ALWAYS read the module before class. I’ve been so lax/forgetful with that, and I know that if I DID read the module before taking Power Listening Part 2 on Saturday I would have felt much better about the class.

Jim was great today, and addressed all of my questions and concerns about Power Listening: how to be a Power Listener, how to take notes & power listen simultaneously (jot your note quick and then continue to listen; or just be the best listener your client has ever met and let go of the fear of having to “prove yourself” - often just listening is enough). I know that I walked away from this class with the tools of how to both effectively, powerfully listen as well as how to show that I’m listening. The hardest part for me is twofold: to not be worried about what I’m going to say/not allow myself to jump in, and to allow the silence to be OK (they suggest you wait ten seconds when the client has stopped speaking to speak again, but that seems excessive!).  I focused on this when I was doing sales but never really got it.  I think that’s really difficult for extroverts that always want to be the center of attention!

The UACs still allude me a little but. Even after reading the module, I’m not quite clear as to how to find them and exactly what it accomplishes.  I’m going to ask Joanne if we can focus on this over the next week or two to help find my UACs, and that might shed some light on it for me. I think that a UAC that I know I have has to do with my spending. I’m so motivated to pay off my debt and save money, but when push comes to shove I find it extremely difficult to live within my budget and….well….don’t. I know that the UAC that I have that underlies this goal is that I don’t want my social life to suffer. If I don’t have class or prior plans, it’s extremely difficult for me to pass up that Happy Hour, or that party, or that day apple picking, to keep $40 in my pocket. I’m not sure how to get myself pass that hump.

Hmmmmm…..maybe I do know what a UAC is after all!

Today I am grateful for my life. I was walking home from the subway today at that perfect time of day - what do filmmakers call it again? - where your surroundings are crisp and clear and in focus, and the lighting is just perfect. And I took a deep breath since it finally feels like fall, and I thought, “Hey, this isn’t a bad way to live.” To be in NYC, to be in love, to be in a good job and pursuing my passion, to have my health and an amazing group of friends and family, it’s what the word “grateful” is all abut.

I don’t know, I just wasn’t into class today. While Ton spoke about why power listening is important, and how it helps us as coaches, there was nothing concrete there for me.  I mean, how do you “power listen”? It’s obviously being able to listen attentively, and have it spark something for you as a coach, but it’s just not clear to me how you can go from a listening civilian to a listening expert. How can you effectively listen, write notes, and not lose your thoughts about how to address what your client is saying?

Meanwhile, we did go over another student’s dilemma of what to do or say when you have a client that is making decisions that you do not agree with. Obviously, if these decisions are of a criminal or abusive nature, then something must be said. However, even though you as a person might not make that decision, you must not force your ethics on someone else. Honestly, this whole conversation was very drawn out and I felt like the same points were being driven home repeatedly, so I eventually tuned out a bit - which I guess is fairly ironic in a Power Listening class.

I guess this is something to bring up when I take Power Listening 1 (I hate taking classes out of order!) on Wednesday night.

I’m grateful today for finding an apartment that we love. Cross fingers for us!

I’m feeling so much more secure in starting my business. While I got a lot out of class with Jim tonight, I felt most inspired by what Brandy, a student, had to say while describing how she got her first client. She sounds very similar to me in the fact that her mindset was very focused on getting the business side of things done before taking on a client (ie “I can’t take on a client until my Welcome Pack is done, and then I need my business cards, and then I need my website….”), but when one appeared she just went for it! She said that it’s amazing how quickly all the loose ends get wrapped up when someone is waiting on the other end of the line for you.

She also mentioned that she went on the ICA message board and found a Peer Coach to help her figure out what she has to offer clients, and how the sessions will go, etc. Another classmate mentioned that she found a Peer Coach to help build her self-esteem so she can learn the value that she personally will give as a coach. I think that my challenge is multi-faceted, since I’m (a) very good with putting off getting clients until I have a business name/welcome packet/Peer Coach clients/a pony, (b) constantly psyching myself out with thoughts of “I don’t know what I’m doing” and (c) feeling that only someone with almost magical powers can be a coach. I think it’s because my Peer Coach sessions with Joanne are going so well that I feel like a coach is someone who has all the answers (you’re good, Joanne!). I definitely don’t see myself as someone that has those answers! Therefore, I can’t start coaching.

So, I’m going to get over that. When I’m done with my Peer Coaching sessions in another 5 weeks (I know it sounds like another excuse, but I want to selfishly focus on myself right now), I’ll find a business minded Peer Coached to help me with the physical and mental tasks of establishing myself and my business. I’ll then have someone that holds me accountable, and it coincides with all those parts of me that just wants to plan everything to death before I jump in. I really want to jump in but something is definitely holding me back. Yeah, I think the main part of it is that I don’t feel qualified yet. I say to my friends, “When I have more classes under my belt I’ll be happy to coach you.” What hit home for me today is that I can only learn so much via books and classes - I need to actually coach.

Today I feel grateful for my audit being over with. The IRS can suck it.

This was a great class today, since it gave me great ideas as to how to get clients (not just “networking” but “contact everyone you wrote a check to last year”) as well as what to do once they’re interested (conducting the trial session call and how to follow up). It made me think outside the box in regards to marketing ideas, which I’m very thankful for. However, I am glad that there is a Part 2 of this class so I can ask some follow-up questions. For example, Joanne laid out six steps that, if you follow them, will take you through the call - but I only felt that four of those steps were elaborated on. I’m unclear especially on actually coaching the client during the trial session. Is that done by a role play, or just by listening to what the client needs and supporting them? I know that there is no “formula” to be used on every client, but I want my Trial Sessions to be focused on what the client is looking to receive, what I have to offer, and discovering if this would be a mutually beneficial relationship.

I’m still a bit tied up in my head about getting everything in place - how is my Welcome Pack going to be laid out? how can I get business cards if I don’t have a website? - and I need to get the frick over that.  This class did inspire me, though, to stop brainstorming about names and just pick one already! I posted the ones I’m thinking over on the ICA discussion board and sent them to my friends that I know/love/trust/might be similar to potential clients. Here they are in case you want to comment, too (just don’t steal any of them, ‘kay?):

With A Cherry On Top Coaching

Sing Out, Louise! Coaching

In a general sense, I want my name to reflect my personality (y’know - cute,friendly, humorous, nothing too “hippy dippy”) and attract the right clients (I’m mostly looking to work with creative types on career transitions & balance, with some relationship coaching thrown in). So, whaddya think?

Today I am thankful for my accountant, who took me through what it will take to get completely ready for my audit. Next week at this time I will be thankful that my audit is over!

Ton is such a great teacher! It seems like he was teaching without a net today, but he was really addressing our questions and concerns as well as helping us clarify exactly what coaching is (and what’s expected from us as coaches).

I feel like the most powerful thing he said today is that we’re not in the helping business, but we are in the clarifying business. We don’t give them suggestions or advice - that only shows them that they can hire someone to solve their problems! What coaches do is to make the picture as clear as possible, and to allow the client to see how they can shift their perspective to get unstuck. They can apply that practice for the rest of their lives on their own, and that’s way more empowering!

One of my fellow students said that she’s going to focus on being the World’s Best Listener, since that’s such a key element in being an effective coach. But when Ton asked, “How will your client know that you’re the World’s Best Listener?” he stumped us all! But by:

* asking questions
* giving great feedback
* putting together what they said during the entire session(s)
* making them stop and question themselves

they’ll know that you’re taking in what’s being said, processing it, and figuring out how to clarify (notice that I didn’t say help) their situation. This is something that I’m constantly going to keep in mind, since I know I quickly tend to give “advice” and “fill the silences” in order to feel like I’m “helping.” It’s going to be a whole new way of approaching situations for me.

I had a lot of ideas spark this week, so I’m going to go on record by saying that I’m committing myself to spend 10 hours next week brainstorming business names and tag lines, as well as defining my niche and starting my welcome packet. By the time I get back from my trip to Florida on 9/17, I’ll

* have a business name

* have a great tag line

* have defined my niche and mission statement

* have started my Welcome Packet

It’s scary to think that by this time next week (almost) I’ll know where I’m going, but I think it’s the only way I can get out of my doubt loop (y’know, the little voice in my head saying “You can’t start coaching! You don’t know what you’re doing yet!”) and into my new career.

It’s hard to think of something to be grateful for today, since I found out 2 hours ago that I’ve been audited for my 2005 taxes. But, since I did have a lovely afternoon with my grandparents prior to getting that letter, I am very grateful to have both of my mother’s parents in my life when I’m the ripe old age of 29+. I know that I always have their love, guidance, and support, and I’m so thankful for the time that I get to spend with them.

Discussion

1. How do you feel about receiving feedback? I wish that everyone knew the difference between feedback and criticism! Feedback is a wonderful tool that is non-judgmental and can not be taken personally or perceived negatively, as it does not devalue the person who is receiving it.

2. What kind of feedback has made a difference to you? When I received inspiring feedback, it was because I was led to fully understand what was being told to me. For example, if I were in acting class, and the teacher said at the end of my scene, “That was horrible! I didn’t believe you at all when you told him that you loved him!”, I would immediately get defensive and shut down. But conversely, if the teacher said at the end of the same scene, “I didn’t believe you when you told him that you loved him. What was your objective right then?”, then that would get me to start thinking, and from a series of questions or exercises I would see what I did wrong, and what I needed to do in order to make the audience believe that I was in love.

3. What kind of feedback has left you disempowered? The very first show I did in NYC was a terrible experience. I was hired by the writer of the show without ever meeting the director, and it was obvious from the start that I was not right for the part/the director didn’t like me. I had a solo song, and when I was in rehearsals both the director and the choreographer would not only tell me that I was “doing it wrong” but that I didn’t sound or “look right” - often in front of the whole cast! Without anything specific or any further details, I was constantly embarrassed and self-conscious when my solo came up, and refused to tell any of my friends where the show was because I (a) knew the show itself was awful and (b) I thought that I was awful in it.

4. What is the difference between feedback and criticism? Feedback is a neutral, objective observation that does not utilize judgment or opinion. Criticism is normally a judgmental opinion that devalues the person receiving it.

5. What is the purpose of feedback in a coaching session? Feedback gives the client self-awareness and allows them to see the impact that they’re having on others.  It helps them realize, objectively, what they did at that point in time and how they might want to react differently in the future.

Reflection & Application

1. Choose three people who know you well and ask them for feedback on something in your life right now. (Choose something of low importance. This will help you stay objective. It could be the last dinner party you had or the state of your garden.) Evaluate the feedback you were given. How did you respond? Was some feedback better than others? What made it so? What did you learn from this exercise? Since I was asking people that are not training to be coaches nor have ever been coached, I tended to receive advice more than feedback or criticism. More often than not, I was told right away that “It’s going to be OK” or “Let me think and I’ll call you back with what I think you should do.” While I appreciated the time and care that these people put into the situation - and in hearing the different ways which others would have handled the situation - it did not allow me to see how I reacted and how I should conduct myself in the future. It wasn’t until I looked back objectively on the situation myself that I was able to see what I could have done differently and how I was going to handle this situation the following day. The feedback that was not helpful was one where I was told “It’s going to be OK” without being asked any questions after I told my side of the story. I wasn’t trusting of that feedback, or that advice, and tended to discount out since I thought that it was just being said to make me feel better.

2.When and how might you use role-play with your clients? Role play is a great technique when a client is unsure on how to have a conversation with someone, or has some fear around what to say and how to proceed. In this case, role-play becomes essentially a practice for conversation so that the client can find some powerful and clear way to communicate to resolve the situation. As a coach, you can provide them with effective feedback on how to make it even more powerful.

Role-play takes place when the client plays themselves, and reverse role-play takes place when you play the client and they play the other person in the situation. Role plays can also be used to have the client’s current self talk to their future self, and have their future self relay what they learned from that particular situation. Yet another way to role play is to have the client do it in a journal. After a week, they should come back to the entry with fresh eyes and see if anything jumps out at them. Is there anything that they could have done differently?
3. What are three situations you might encounter as a coach in which role-play could be useful? 1) A woman wants to talk to her current boyfriend about “the future” but is worried about scaring him off instead. 2) A client wants to switch to a part-time work schedule and is unsure how to make it look appealing to their boss. 3) A client is scared about telling their parents that they are dropping their pre-med major to pursue a career as an actor.

4. Find one friend who is willing to be coached on an issue. Help them identify one conversation they are hesitant about. For example, asking for a raise; correcting an employee’s behavior; how to communicate something sensitive to a partner; how to handle a complaint they have with someone, or how to apologize
for something they did wrong. Do at least two role-plays with them.

5. BONUS: Practice with at least two more people. Do both, the standard role- play and reverse role-play.

I had a new teacher that I liked very much today. His name is Ton (short for Anthony, which I’ve never heard but might be a nickname in his neck of the Netherlands woods) and his accent makes it seem like Arnold Schwartzenagger is leading the class. But that’s not what’s great about him - he opens the class up to your questions right from the start, so immediately he tailors the class around the student’s concerns. This is probably the way he coaches as well, since he made the point that the coachee is the driver and the coach is in the driver’s seat. Although as coaches we might think that it’s all about us (we have to provide the questions that will get the answers, we are the ones that have to lead the discussion, we are the ones who are held accountable if change is not being made), that’s way off base. I have to remember to remember that, since it already helps take a bit of the pressure off of this perfectionist.

Getting Started is all about starting your coaching business, so this was my second class in a row that was more business based and less about coaching techniques. As someone with zero business background - not even a class in college - it’s much appreciated and very informative. I started the class being very overwhelmed with all of the things that must happen, business wise, to become a coach (ie choosing a name, buying and designing a web site, creating a welcome packet), but a fellow student shared that she created a flowchart, broken down step by step, to make it more manageable to her. I think this is something for me to do this week so I can feel like I have a better handle on things and I can take it little by little. As someone who’s always busy and tends to be overwhelmed by a new project or responsibility (even one that I put upon myself happily), I know that chunking this down will give me some more breathing room.

I realized this week that I’ve been lax on doing the homework for these classes, which is easy to do because it’s not reinforced in person - it’s just something that is in our papers. I’ve decided that, what I completely finish the module, I’ll do the self test and answer the questions that are asked, so you all have that to look forward to! I also know that I need to be part of the Discussion Board, but I’ve been a little hesitant in getting on there because the back-and-forth aspect of it, while I know would be beneficial for me, seems so time consuming in my head. That’s why I like this blog - it’s really just me (although I promise that I really do welcome all comments, and I look at my blog stats and would love a larger audience) and it hasn’t felt like an obligation at all.

Today, I’m grateful for beautiful August weather and a nice long weekend. It’s 80 degrees and sunny with no humidity and is supposed to stay that way for all of my days off, and I love nothing more than being on my roof deck with friends and a barbeque - and that’s exactly what I’m doing this evening!

As you can see, Wednesday was a back-to-back night for me. Because I’ve been upset with all of my Jew commitments (all of the High Holy Days are in September, and either on a Wed or a Sat when I usually take class) as well as my social commitments (weddings and babies are taking up two full Sept weekends), I decided to try a twofer night. That’s right: two classes in one night. Back to back even! I admit I did it as a semi-experiment, to see if it’s something that I could handle / enjoy, but I could not and it was not. I lost focus and interest quite a bit during those two hours, even though the classes didn’t bore me in the least. I was also upset that I couldn’t find the energy - or feel like I had the time - to blog about my class right when it was over, like I’ve been committing myself to do. That’s why I’m here on a Friday night tied to the keyboard. Well, not literally tied, but ya know, I like to blog when it’s fresh. And at the ripe old age of 29.5, it doesn’t stay fresh for long!

Advanced Coaching: Creating Structures (Part 1)

Since this was the class that I took first, I’ll start with this one. I still feel weird taking a class called “Advanced Coaching” when I’ve only taken 2 other classes, but I know ICA is a free-for-all so I figured I’d try it out (another semi-experiment). ICA is right in that the class made perfect sense, but since Creating Structures was about creating a structure for your coaching business, I felt like it was way ahead of where I’m at. I have at least 4 months before I start coaching, and a class on writing your policies and procedures was a bit far out there for me (although when I just wrote that I might be coaching in 4 months - which is sooner than I originally thought - I might not be as far ahead of the game after all!).

Jim (the teacher’s) Policies and Procedures were written so well I wish he’d give us ICAers permission for the copywrite! We also spoke about standards and boundaries, and that while clients have to agree to certain things when working with you, you also have to hold yourself up to your own standards so they know what to expect.

We also got into the legal aspect of these agreements, and I’ll now definitely seek the advice of a lawyer before I submit them to my first client. While it seems far fetched for a coach to get sued, Jim gave some great examples of worst-case scenarios that really wanted to make me cover my tuchus.

Effective Feedback (Part 1)

Since Part 2 of this class was my first ICA class ever (as opposed to this, my fourth), it was thought-provoking to see how everything fit together. Again, I know that you can take Part 2 before a Part 1, but I do think that you’ll get more out of a class if you (a) take Part 1 first and (b) take Part 1 and Part 2 within a week’s time.

This class was more about feedback vs. criticism, and what’s really hard for me to grasp is that, technically, feedback is more than just telling someone your opinion. For example, if someone said, “Give me some feedback about my presentation” I would say something like “Well, the PowerPoint was point together well and looked great visually, but I got confused because you were jumping around from one point to another. You didn’t put the topics in a cohesive order, so it was hard to follow.” Well, that’s not feedback at all - that’s constructive criticism (which a class member said was an oxymoron, since anything defined as criticism automatically devalues someone).

With feedback, we’re holding up a mirror to someone and showing them how they acted or reacted, but in a neutral, non-judgmental way. So the better way to answer the question, “Can you give me some feedback about my presentation?” would be to say “You put that presentation together in a visually appealing way. I noticed, though, the you went right from a slide about the parent program to a slide about the student program, and then back to the parent program. That made it hard for me to stay on track with you.” With that example, I showed her what she did and then told her about the impact that it had on me.

This was a tough class and I feel like giving feedback is going to be a challenge for me. I’ve noticed recently that I’m very quick to want to help someone, so I’ll chime in with “advice” right away (whether it’s asked for or not). I love the idea of effective feedback, though, because I can be helping the student reach their own realizations and come to their own decisions, which make it much more powerful for them in the long run and puts lets pressure on me to have all of the answers.

Wow, these posts are getting long! If you’re reading this, thanks for sticking with me!

I realized that I forgot to put something that I’m grateful for in my last post. Today, I’m very grateful for my wonderful boyfriend, who loves me and supports me and provides for me - even if I don’t want him to. I know that I’m special because he chooses to be with me.

I find that the best way to be committed to this blog is to create a new entry right after I finish a class - it’s the very next thing I do after I hang up the phone. I was about to start this entry “I just hung up the phone” but then I realized that I’ll start every post like that!

So I just hung up the phone (sorry, I couldn’t help it)  with Jim and the rest of the world that was on the Perspectives (Part 2) class. This is my second class, and the second time that I jumped in to Part 2 before Part 1, but this proved a bit more difficult. We spoke a lot about ReFraming, which I learned a bit about from the reading, but I wish I was better prepared. I think that, in this case, going into detail about ReFraming and knowing more about the concept would have made the class  more enlightening for me. I think I’m going to try to make an effort from now on to take Part 1 before Part 2 whenever I possibly can.

So: Perspective. The reading says dramatically that “The concept of perspective is so poweful and fundamental, you can coach from this alone, without any of the other coaching techniques taught at ICA, and still be a powerful coach.” So I’m out - see ya!

Just kidding. Seriously, though, I see where they’re coming from. I know that how you view your situation, your actions, and your goals is just as important - or even more important - than taking action or making those goals. And even though a part of me groans through “Think & Grow Rich”, with the message that “If you think you will be rich - I mean, no joking around, you gotta seriously think it - then you will be rich!”, the other part knows that there’s a lot of truth in it. One of the main things I’m hoping to walk away with personally from ICA and being coached is to change my nature as an optomistic pessimist. Sure, I may seem like a big ball of funness, but that doesn’t mean that when something is going my way I’m just waiting for the other shoe to drop. I mean, I hope that it goes my way, but “That’s not my life. Something’s gotta get screwed up!”

Well, not anymore. I’m really going to make an effort to expect positive things to happen, and when they do, to accept them and be thankful for them. In that vein, I’m going to add one thing that I’m thankful for to my end of every post. I’m still not done babbling, though, so look for that below.

What also struck me today is how, as coaches, we shouldn’t look for what’s wrong with our client and try to “fix them”. Instead, it’s all about what they’re doing right and how they can keep on doing it that way. Even if there’s just a little sliver of right there, that’s what you grab and shine a light on. If we spend time on what’s broken or what’s not working, we’re disempowering our clients. And how can I do recognize this and practice this if I’m unable to do it with myself? The answer is: I can’t.

So, what’s working for me today? I feel grateful for the new job that I have, and the opportunity that it’s given me to work for a company that treats me well personally, professionally, and financially. And I have to recognize that, after I found the type of job that I wanted to go after and zoomed in on it (and was proactive by meeting with 7 recruiters and going on 3 interviews in 2 weeks), it was offered to me a mere 4 hours after I interviewed - a record for the recruiter that submitted me for it. So I must be doing something right.

Today was my first ICA class! After being reassured that YES, you can take Part 2 of a class before Part 1 (I love that about ICA), I dove in during my day off from work.

And they were right - I wasn’t lost or confused in the least bit! It was really interesting learning about what sort of feedback a client needs, and how to effectively get it or give it. I loved when Joanne (our moderator) asked us to think back on when we received good feedback and when we received bad feedback, because it brought me to all of those acting classes that I took - some that were inspiring and led to growth, and others that were just debilitating. I realized that, when I received inspiring feedback, it was because I was led to fully understand what was being told to me. For example, if I were to do a scene and the teacher said at the end, “That was horrible! I didn’t believe you at all when you told him that you loved him!”, I would immediately get defensive and shut down. But conversely, if the teacher said at the end of the same scene, “I didn’t believe you when you told him that you loved him. What was your objective right then?”, then that would get me to start thinking, and from a series of questions or exercises I would see what I did wrong, and what I needed to do in order to make the audience believe that I was in love.

And that positive, self-realization feedback is just what I need to give to my clients. Because I saw that even if I didn’t do a good job on the scene, if I felt like I had the tools to work on it and succceed the next time around, then I would feel good about myself and the direction that I was heading in. And isn’t that how everyone wants to feel? Isn’t that how you help and inspire people?

One of the other students said that it was also key to ask open ended questions, so the other person isn’t left with just answering you with a “yes” or a “no” or a “good” or a “bad”. The teachers/mentors/bosses that have helped me grow did the same thing. They would never ask, “So, what do you think?” They would say, “So, what’s the next step?” or “What are you going to work on this week?” or “How are we going to achieve this?” And even if they were bringing up something negative (”I didn’t believe you when you told him that you loved him”), I wouldn’t see it as such because they would say it objectively, not judgementally. It came from a place of support, and that’s what made me want to keep going.