Category Archive

I can not believe my sessions with Client A are over! There’s a sense of loss, but also of pride and accomplishment. I mean, unless she was blowing smoke up my arse when she filled out my evaluation, she has grown so much - the sessions really meant something to her! And even though there wasn’t an earth shattering moment in each session that I could see, she said that she left every session motivated and excited to start on her challenge, even when it was something that was scary to her.

I start with my client on Saturday, and I’m really going to focus on two things:

* mirroring what she’s saying to make sure it’s clear to both of us

* asking if she wants advice before giving it

Those are my two weak points right now. But I also know my strong points! I definitely have the ability to motivate and encourage, and to empower the client with a sense of self-worth. I love that that was one of the main things that Client A got from our sessions - realization that she was selling herself short and she has the skills, the personality, and the drive to make things happen in her life! I was thinking of having a niche for those that have low self-esteem, but do those that have low self-esteem know it? Can they recognize it and seek help for it? I’m not too sure of that.

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I’m grateful today for my life. Is that too broad? I’m grateful for my job, my family, my friends, my pre-husband, my coaching…….I just have that spine-shivering moment where everything just seems like it’s in the right place.

I was a COACH today! I just felt it. I knew it. I was listening, and asking questions, and enthusing, and celebrating, and WOW!

Client A is so funny because she started the session by saying “I feel so bad because I come to you each week as someone different.” And she ain’t kidding! But that’s what I love about working with her. She gets psyched about something, and she acts on it. And not only does she act on it, she acts on it with vim! And vigor! And other words that start with v (vivaciousness?)!

Only 1 session left to go, and I’m so glad that I put myself out there to keep coaching. I’ve realized that my classes have been put on the back burner, but it doesn’t concern me as much. Coaching is the way you learn, and the classes supplement that.

I’m going to be a coach! Holy crapballs.

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Today I’m grateful for being grateful, if that’s allowed.

OK OK, so not every session is a breakthrough session and maybe I AM just too damn hard on myself, but MY GOD when it clicks it really clicks!

I spoke with Client A last night, and the last thing she said to me is what a breakthrough she had today. I did feel like I spoke less, even stopping myself from relaying a story (”This isn’t about you, Michelle”) because I felt like it wouldn’t contribute anything. I still felt sometimes that I didn’t know what to say/ask, so I would often not say anything. Silence can be powerful, though, and it usually led to Client A continuing to speak and discovering something new.

But I have to recognize that my client has made major, major, major strides in the past 10 weeks, and without even the idea of me (not because of me) it might not have unfolded the way it did.

It all goes back to being proud of your client, and - as a coach - taking yourself out of the equation. Because when all was said and done, I was proud of her, and that’s my reward.

This was an odd one. We started with not knowing where to go, and about 15 minutes before we ended there were tears (teachers have said that this happens pretty often, actually - clients having a big realization more than halfway through) and something major that popped up that needs attention. I had her say out loud everything that was clouding her head, and tried to show how it can be turned around, but I felt like nothing stuck. Nothing stuck because it didn’t come from her! I showed her (or should I say told her) instead of having her find it herself.

But this is the big question: HOW CAN IT COME FROM HER? And what should I say when I hear “I don’t know?” And why haven’t I learned to STOP TALKING yet? Maybe it’s because I don’t know what to say? Or how to say it, without making it a leading question? I found a list of questions like I wanted to last week, but they were overwhelming and I wasn’t sure where to start with them.

I keep wondering, “How did Joanne do it? How did she have ME come to the realization? How did she allow me to find the answers myself?” And I’ve just drawn a blank. Like it was magic. And I’m starting to think that my Gift of Gab wasn’t such a gift.

I think I’m going to go to the discussion board and put this post (these questions, actually) out to the ICA community. And please, if you’re reading this and have any thoughts/ideas/suggestions, post a comment. Or if you can have these answers fall from the sky and just knock me on my head, then that would work too.

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Today I’m grateful for my man. Insert bunch-of-sappy-things here.

I ain’t going to lie - Client A came to me with some heavy stuff today. It was both an easy session (when she needed me just to listen) and a hard one (how do you deconstruct a larger problem into smaller pieces?). You don’t want to have the client follow-up with something that they’re not ready for, or comfortable with, or isn’t their idea. I tried to make sure I really understood her situation, and tried to turn the mirror back on her so she can see if her recent revelation is an accurate one.

What’s amazing is that now she’s coming to these revelations herself, looking at things from a different way, and I hope she took it to heart when I commended her on that. What’s tough now is helping her figure out what to do with it. She knows what the obstacle is, but how is she comfortable moving forward? She didn’t know, and I wasn’t sure how to help her there.

I think what I need to do now is to find some key questions. I’ve seen them written down somewhere - great, thought-provoking questions. And not to use it as a cheat sheet, but to keep it close by (or really get it into my head) and, when I’m not sure how to go about something, I can just ask a question. I feel like, if you only Listen and Question, you can be a phenomenal coach.

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I’m grateful today for allowing myself to cut myself some slack. It’s a nice feeling.

The “problems” I have with Client A (and I put problems in quotations because it’s ridiculous calling them problems!) is that she knows what she wants, she knows how to go after it, and she’s extremely proactive about it. What “problems”!

I know that coaches are here to help clients get unstuck, to give them a new approach to obstacles, a different perspective. With Client A, I’m trying to see where the obstacles actually are, since they’re buried under a lot of enthusiasm and positive changes. I try to sometimes find the question, and realize that she already has the answer!

I felt really good about today’s session, though, because I did feel like she cleared her head a bit. There are so many big, exciting changes that are occurring for her that she admitted to her actions being a bit cloudy. I definitely was better today in restating what I heard and interpreted - both in her voice and in her words - as well as listening and not talking so much (or as much as I would usually do). And she did find (another!) important piece of her life that she wants to change, and I love the fact that I helped her get there.

Y’know, I know that I still have a long way to go, and I was so (so!) nervous about coaching someone, but I think as soon as my sessions with Client A end I’ll look for a Peer Client almost immediately. It keeps everything in perspective.

Client A had another breakthrough today, and I’m telling you - there’s nothing more thrilling. It literally sends chills up and down your spine, and you have to just breathe and say “Did you hear what you just said?” When your client responds with “It’s huge” it’s just - major. You know why you’re devoting your time and energy to being a life coach. Two breakthroughs in 6 sessions is a nice batting average

I do still need to focus on saying less and questioning more. That’s my new mantra, in coaching and in life.

Say less. Question more.

It feels like I should be on session 11 and session 2 all at the same time with Client A. Part of me is like “Session 5 ALREADY?!” while the other part is saying “Only Session 5?”

My client is amazing. She has made a different major life decision every week, and is excited about each new development. I noticed today that I was just asking her about it - how she got there, what she’s anxious about (I asked that a few times), offering encouragement and (d’oh!) making suggestions. It felt more like we were friends catching up than coach/client, which I have mixed feelings about. Part of me thinks it’s great to have that sort of relationship, and part of me thinks it’s not what I’m here for. I can’t be too hard on myself though, as I know that being the client’s “friend” and cheerleader will be a big part of my coaching model.

I do have to pat myself on the back a little bit for letting my client know that I’m stuck and need some help. “You’ve made such great strides in the last month that I want to make sure I’m still helping you. Is there anything beyond the issues that we spoke about tackling during our first session that you might want to explore?” To her credit, she told me about a realization she had just a day or two ago, which provided some insight into her negative relationships. I told her that it was helpful for me to be armed with this info, and I’ll do my homework to see how we can best work through this hurdle. She said “It’ll be cool to see what you come back with.” I think so too!

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Today I’m grateful for amazing burgers, sweet potato fries, and milkshakes. And not starting Weight Watchers until Monday.

I love my sessions with Client A! She’s come so, so far - I think that after week 6 I’m going to be worried what the heck there is left for her to accomplish! I think she’s feeling that way too, but hopefully we can dig below the surface a bit. I mean, how can someone get a hold of their finances, form meaningful relationships, and discover their life’s work all in 12 short weeks? Or 6?! Even if it looks that way on the surface I’m not convinced that there isn’t more there.

In terms of my own “performance” today, I definitely listened more and spoke less. I asked for permission before giving a suggestion. I still gave her multiple choice questions, but I also noticed myself recognizing these and trying (& sometimes succeeding!) to trail off instead of offering the answers themselves.

I’m trying to focus on the heartfelt Thank Yous I get from Client A. Even when I feel like I haven’t helped, I think of how she says “Thank you” - sincerely - and tell myself that my time and efforts are being well received. I’m really looking forward to see where my first client takes me (as well as herself)!

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Today I’m grateful for spring.

I love my external client, feeling her enthusiasm, and seeing her growth! I’m shocked and amazed at how far she’s come in just 2 sessions. I also love it when she says I’ve helped her a lot - encouraging her to “walk through the door” and “grow up”, and discovering that it’s not as scary as she thought! It’s really, really amazing.

I did better this week at not feeding her answers, but I still talked more than I wanted to. It’s definitely most difficult for me not to give her advice, which I think I might have done quite a bit tonight. I need to focus on asking her question to allow her to figure out the answer - but how? And how is it really done without leading there? I think I need to stop and breathe during these sessions more, and worry less about filling the silence.

I wrote in my homework yesterday that I admired how Joanne would stop sometimes and say “I’m trying to figure out how to phrase this question” or “I totally lost my thought.” Usually after she said that there would be a beat or two, followed by an “A-ha! OK!” and whatever followed that was a great question. I need to realize that not knowing what to say is OK, and taking my time to figure out what to say is OK, and letting it be quiet for a beat or two (or three) is OK.

Easier said than done, but I’m going to try.

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I’m grateful today for being able to talk to clients on the phone - in my pajamas.

Client A totally impressed me this week. Not only did she complete her challenge, she carried it over into 3 other tasks and did those thoroughly and with such gusto! I could hear the excitement in her voice, and what it’s like to just turn over a whole new leaf and feel like a whole new person. It was inspiring for me, actually.

Our session ended over an hour ago, but everything she did just bowled me over, and I emailed her to reiterate how impressed and in awe I was. I hope that I continue to be a coach that wears that cheerleader hat and will reach out to a client that took a major step (or 5 major steps!) to say, again, how awesome they are. It really just energizes me and makes me feel like I’m a real, live, living & breathing life coach!

I was going to end the post here, but I do have to give myself a little feedback. Today I was still not shutting my mouth as quickly as I wanted to, but since I was conscious of it it was better than last week. But also, because I didn’t want to “lead” her, it was hard to put my thoughts together. At one point I had a sentence last about a minute, and then said “I’m not making any sense” and she agreed (but not in a mean way or nothing)! But it didn’t throw me - I just took a second, breathed, and tried again. I still think what I said was a bit convoluted, but she got it.

I think I’m getting a little bit better at this…..

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I’m grateful for having such an incredibly awesome, exciting, thrilling, first client!

Because of my confidentiality agreement, I can’t use this blog to go in-depth like I do in my posts regarding class lessons. However, I want to use it to give myself feedback as well as describing some wins.

I just, just finished my first real live, full-length session with my first real live client! I won’t lie and say it was easy breezy - until the last 5 minutes of the call, I was actually a little down on myself with how it went. I felt like it was more of a Q-&-A session as opposed to a session, since I was following up on a lot of things she wrote on her Intake Form and was getting to know her goals, her priorities, and…..her. I felt, too, like I was feeding her things instead of letting her find them on her own, having too many sentences structured like, “What do you think about doing x, y, or z?” or saying “Why do you think you feel this way? Is it because of x,y, or z?” I’m leading the witness, your honor! I need to ask the question and then stop myself before I make it multiple choice.

One of the things I was proudest about on my mock session last week in class was that I really took what was said to me and repeated it back with how I understood it. I barely did that this week. I’m not sure if it was because of the structure (not a “here is what we’re going to work on today” but “what are you looking to work on over the next three months?”) or what, but I think that’s such an effective tool I want to ensure that  I’m using it in my coaching. I’ll make sure that, when I email Client A with my Policies & Procedures I’ll mention that every week we’ll focus on 1 particular goal, so she should have in her mind what she wants to work on that week.

I need to celebrate, though, that Client A had a major breakthrough during the last 10 minutes of class - and it didn’t come from me! This was a UAC that was so revealing, and might contribute to every obstacle that she has been facing. I didn’t even have to point out to her how major her statement was - she just stopped and said, “Ohmygosh. Wow. I’m tearing up right now, that clarifies so much for me.” And better than that, she said she was excited to go work on her challenge, and that she was going to do it as soon as she got off the phone. That to me is a huge win for both of us!

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Now it’s my turn to tear up. I’m so grateful to be able to be a life coach. I’ve become so passionate about it and it’s so fulfilling for me, that if I can make it my life’s work I’d be a happy, happy woman. I’m really looking forward to growing with this profession and shaping myself into a spectacular coach.