CoP: Life Coach (Class 9)

I ponied up and coached today. Here I am, coaching more clients at one time than I have before, & I’m still greedy with class time. I think it’s because I’ve been feeling a bit stuck in my sessions – like there’s more I could be doing that I’m not. Like I hit my wall. So I was interested in seeing what I can do in class, & to receive feedback.

I loved how Isabelle, the teacher, noted that it was when I let go of my preconcieved notions as to where I wanted her to go & just became present that the session soared. I felt like she was one of the only ones that noticed I did that – I got other feedback referring to acknowledgement, clarifying, listening (someone even said that there wasn’t an ICF core competency that I missed!), and confidence – and it immediately clicked. It was ironic that I was coaching my client on how to conduct her first session and what she should do if she doesn’t know where to go! But I didn’t fall into the trap of telling her what to do. I admitted that I was stuck, blabbed on a bit, and put it back on my client with the particulars: “What can you do in the next week, before the first session, so that you will feel confident and prepared?” She came up with what would work for her. And she had a take-away from the session.

I’m growing. And I still love, love coaching. And I want to get nothing but better and better at it. I’ll keep you posted.

Communities of Practice: Life Coach (Session 6)

When I heard that the student who volunteered to be the coach had her niche in “busy women who have a hard time saying ‘no’”, I raised my hand to be the client. I mean, this is The Story of my Life! Even though I have grown leaps and bounds from where I started – saying “yes” and lying my way out of it later – I’m not at the finish line quite yet.

This 40-min session clarified for me that it’s not the boundaries I have with others that gets broken – it’s the boundaries I have with myself! True, I haven’t played the sick card to get out of a commitment in a long time, but I haven’t established yet the time I need to be with others (let’s call a duck a duck – being social recharges my batteries and is a great use of my time) & the time I need to have “me” time (whether it’s me with Luke, or me with my ICA homework, or me with a bubble bath, or doing laundry – you get my drift).

So I established that what would be ideal for me would be 2 weekday evening social dates and 2 weekend social dates. Anything more than that and my social dance card is full, and I have to look at the following week. Does anyone use that term, “dance card”? When it was used back in the old timey days, didn’t it have to do with seeing a dance hall “hostess” and paying them to dance with you? And if so, why would it be a good thing to have a full dance card? That means you’ve given most of your money to hookers! Or would the “hostesses” be the ones to say to the Johns “Sorry, but my dance card is full”? I gotta look this up. “Sweet Charity” has taught me nothing despite the fact that I did the show twice!

So where was I? Ah yes, boundaries. Applying boundaries to myself! Nobody is coming up and putting a gun to my head and saying “You must have dinner with me on Tuesday night!” So, I need to enforce the boundaries I set, which will be tough. But I didn’t get these guns at the gun show! By guns, I’m referring to my biceps. They are large, which makes me tough. See where I’m going here? Wow, I’m tired.

So yes, BESIDES realizing/setting/enforcing my boundaries, I found another way to say “no”. I’ve been toting the response I found with Joanne (“I have a personal matter to attend to”) around as ammunition, but recently realized I never used it! And then I double realized it was because it wasn’t the right response for me, the big loudmouth whose Native American name should be called Open Book.  I see now that the right response is one that speaks the truth – the sugar-coated version of the truth. Check it:

Before: “I am so sorry that I can’t accept your invite for Thurs – I have class. But what about a week from Wednesday (even though I’ll try/want to get out of it, or drag myself to go, mainly because I have minimal interest in you as a friend)?”

After: “I am so sorry that I can’t accept your invite for Thurs – I’m crazed with graduating from school in June. But I’ll reach out as soon as I come up from air.” And then I reach out on my terms! Crazy, I know! But so exciting! And I can walk away without that Jewish guilt that I’ve been raised with following me around.

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Today I’m grateful for having a warm place to get in from the cold, both literally and figuratively.

Communities of Practice: Life Coaching

It’s amazing how coaching can both change your perspective while bringing everything into focus. I enjoy the CoP groups because I like having the opportunity to act as coach or client for 15-20 minutes, or getting to hear my peers do the same.

I volunteered as a client this time to try to make my head less fuzzy over a “decision” that I’ve been thinking of. I put the word “decision” in quotes because it’s not something that I HAVE to make, but this new, scary, exciting, terrifying, thrilling idea has been rattling around in my head and I needed to give it legs and have it walk around a bit. What Jackie, my coach in this class, was able to do was to take this challenge and have me see it in a different light – not as a stressful decision but as a new idea. I can take it or I can leave it – there are no repurcusions either way. So instead of seeing it as something that is dragging me down, I see it as an opportunity for me. It might end up being the wrong opportunity (or the right opportunity at the wrong time), but either way it’s not so scary to look at anymore. Jackie also helped me see what I can do about this now, and being able to put action steps on an idea also makes it less frightening.

I know that I’m being cryptic here, but I’m sure this will come out in my homework soon enough!

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Today I’m grateful for the DVR. I didn’t miss the debate for class after all!

CoP: Life Coach (Session 4)

So, how much can you accomplish in a 5 minute session? If you were like me, you’d immediately think “Nothing.” Can you even figure out what the client is talking about in 5 minutes?

Yes. You can.

Today we had 5 5-min “laser” sessions. I like that term “laser session” – it’s fast yet focused and can blow stuff up. That last bit started out as a joke but it’s true! I was the client this time around and my coach “blew up” my situation so I can change my perspective. She helped me see  why I was doing what I was doing and, more importantly, reframe it so I can move through it. Pretty explosive stuff.

While some sessions went better than others, every single one helped move the client forward. I like to think that these 5 minutes can help to open the door. Then, when the phone call has been dropped, it’s up to the client to walk through that very door and see what’s on the other side.

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I’m grateful today for Claritin, even though it’s not working very well.

CoP: Life Coach (Session 3)

I’m a grumpypants today, so of course I had a grumpypants class. Not that the class was grumpypants, but I was grumpypants about it. There was only one coaching session in class today, so it was interesting to hear a full hour being used to coach instead of the 20-min bursts we’re used to (which don’t really happen with real clients). However, I had a headache and my mind kept wandering so I don’t have anything very constructive to say. I do think, though, that the client was very frustrated and venting a lot – just talking and talking and talking. And that’s fine (Lord knows that I do it!) but the coach never really steered her back to why she was venting and what she wanted to do about it. I wanted to unmute myself and yell, “Ask her what she wants to do about it! Ask her why she’s bringing it up!” But I didn’t and the session went on without much of a conclusion I think. So I guess I learned that, while letting clients vent is good, you should be able to bring them around as to why they’re upset and what they want to do about it.

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I’m grateful today for my bridesbabes. I’m already getting stressed and they’re talking me down!

CoP: Life Coach (Session 2)

Karen Capello subbed for Bill today, and she made me want to free up my days to study with her! Very perky, very energetic, very positive, very insightful.

I got to be the client tonight, and it was nice to stand in those shoes again. It’s tough to really delve into your situation with 15 minutes to start and end (especially with a babbler like me), but Coach Fanny definitely helped me reframe myself more than anything. Instead of being frustrated with the wedding planning when something isn’t taken care of right away and going through each task at lightening speed (blatantly ignoring Due Dates and other handy inventions), I’m the one that needs to step back, see the task that needs to be completed and when, and communicate that to Luke. Instead of “We found a florist – now on to the invitations! Do you like Invite A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, or J?” and have his head spin, I need to say “Babe, we need to order the invites by May 15th so I’d like to start looking at some options with you soon. Can we carve some time out this weekend?” I think that would make us both saner and actually get things done efficiently and with little (OK, not-as-much) stress.

These Life Coach classes are so important because you get to hear so many different styles of coaching, while being coached and getting to coach. I have a feeling I’ll keep dialing in even after I’ve taken the required 12 sessions.

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Today I’m grateful for FreshDirect, and not having to physically go food shopping this week.

CoP: Life Coach (Session 1)

Divine Intervention brought me to this class. Or was it The Secret? Or Moses? Either way, I decided to look at the calendar 15 minutes before my Business Building class started, and I saw another option: Communities of Practice (CoP): Life Coach. I knew that I printed the materials a while ago, but I don’t remember really reading it (skimming/glancing/perusing: yes, reading/absorbing: no). I decided to call in.

I announced my Win – my first client starting next week! Bill (the amazing teacher – he’s so energetic and enthusiastic, it’s easy to enjoy the class) asked about my niche and who I’m working with. I said “Um…artists and performers and stuff?” although much more articulately (I think). Another student piped up that she’d like to get my info, as she’s a painter and looking for a Peer Coach. Bill arranged for us to speak after class wrapped up.

However, it turns out that this class is exclusively coaching/being coached/listening.  Someone is the coach, someone is the coachee, and someone else provides feedback. That’s done twice and then the class is over. So, of course, the first coach is…….

…Me!

I can’t take credit because I was cowering in the corner, trying not to breathe or make a sound that can be picked up by my phone mic, when The Painter spoke up and asked if I could coach her for the class. I’m so grateful that she made me (that will be my grateful piece at the end of this post, so don’t be surprised)! I was so, so nervous and figured I’d make a big jerkface of myself in front of the class, and waste  everyone’s time. I think I’m still hung up on the fact that I’ve slacked off on my classes and homework lately. I’ve also stopped hearing Joanne’s voice in my head, and that helped me so much the last time that I did a mock coaching in class. I knew I was on my own.

And, on my own, I was pretty darn awesome if I can be egotistical and obnoxious about it. I really felt so, so good about this session that I’m not so scared to take on my new client next week. Most of my fear and anxiety slipped away. It was just me, and my client, and actively listening. I wasn’t worried about what to say next, or saying the right thing, or being “perfect”.  Don’t get me wrong – I still have so much to learn! But getting this high from coaching is making me feel very at ease that this is what I should be doing now, and my 5 year plan to get out of my job and support myself as a coach might actually, really, truly come to fruition. And that’s so exciting that I’m actually getting teary-eyed right now.

Just so I always remember, and I can come back to it when I’m back to thinking I’m a big stinky jerkface, I’m going to post the feedback that I received today:

* I heard what wasn’t being said very quickly

* I was both nurturing and supportive

* I was good at feeding back what I heard (OK, so maybe Joanne still is in my head!) and having The Painter clarify what was said

*I handled the fact that there were personal issues that I couldn’t get into, which must have been challenging

* I should discuss reframing with the client if there was more time

* I’m more than ready to start coaching 

(Big sigh). I know that ICA stays away from the criticism and focuses on the positive, but that felt really good today. I can’t wait to start with my client next week!

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I’m grateful for being pushed into a scary, wonderful experience. It’s kind of amazing what happens when you just open your mouth and talk about what you’re doing.