Category Archive

This class sparked something in me to sketch out my coaching model right there and then, in the middle of class! I know, I know, I have been taking the monounitasking challenge (you have been reading When I Grow Up Coach: The Blog, haven’t you?) and doing this during class is absolutely falling off that horse, but I just had to! Then, when class was over (see, I did wait until the end!) I went to the computer and came up with a model that I would just LOVE to show you, but am not tech savy enough to do so. You can’t attach something on a blog, huh? Learn something new every day.

Anyway, if you’re an ICA student, you can see it here. For those non-ICAers, you should be able to check it out on my website soon!

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I’m grateful for my second wind!

I know that this is so important that I put these classes on my calendar weeks ago! I’m looking forward to the day where I can have my very own unique coaching model - a visual representation (and reminder!) of my coaching process. And now that I’m starting on my 2nd client hopefully I can get better insight into how I actually coach! I definitely know what’s important to me (sense of excitement, active listening, celebration, encouragement, passion) and what makes me different (sense of humor, enthusiastic) but I can’t wait to really dissect it and put it down in a cohert way. I’m picturing printing it up and framing it above my desk! Well, when I get a desk that is.

I thought that the best part of this class was when Jim asked us, right at the top, to define coaching. Or rather, “How do you define coaching?” I was the first to respond (was it my elevator speech talking?), remarking “It’s helping a client close the gap between where they are and where they want to be.” For others coaching was about “crafting a unique strategy and approach for each client to lead to their self-discovery” or “two people coming together, having a dialogue & interacting as they seek to look for answers, inspiration, and insight.” It was really eye-opening to see that there wasn’t ONE definition of coaching. Everyone gets their own!

I immediately wanted to add to my definition. It’s not only about closing the gap between point A and point B, but about:

* discovering the client’s values

* clarifying what the client wants for themselves

* actively listening, questioning, supporting, & encouraging

* allowing the client to see a new perspective on things

* challenging the client to act

* following up & offering feedback

* celebrating!

How can you wrap that up into one little coaching model?

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I’m grateful today for the wonderful feedback I got from Client A! It makes me giddy whenever I think about the things she said. I’m just glad I didn’t have to give her her money back

Reflection
Why bother to discern UAC’s? The only way to break the patterns of your life is by seeing what your unconscious commitments are. You might set a goal for yourself that you find you can not achieve, like trying to eat healthier. Yet, you find yourself still snacking on chips. Why? The reason behind that behavior will bring to light what’s needed to overcome those obstacles. The UACs are those obstacles, and not only are they unconscious but they happen automatically - so they’re tough to prevent and tough to see.

What are some unwanted behaviors you currently have in your life? Putting too much pressure on myself is a huge one that I’ve recently opened my eyes to. Not being able to stop picking at my nails in another. Being stressed out by having to be productive at all times is also an unwanted behavior.

Using this process, can you now see what might be behind these outcomes? I’ve always put others before myself, and when I don’t I feel guilty. I’ve always been the one to hold up my family when things went badly. In order to be productive all the time, I have to be doing doing doing - which leads to picking at my nails (especially when I have nothing else to “do”).

With this new insight, what would be an empowering action to take? To carve out some “me” time that’s mine alone, no matter what else comes my way, and to delegate certain tasks that don’t need to be done by me. But the real challenge would be to trust myself, especially when I’ve done all that I can to ensure that things get done smoothly and correctly.

Why is it important not to view UAC’s as bad or wrong? UACs are the backbone of who you are, and that can’t be bad or wrong. I think the fact that they exist (and that you can find them!) should be celebrated!

Why is knowledge of an UAC helpful in making constructive choices? Because it gets to the core of any obstacle. Break through the UAC, break through the obstacle and reach your goal.

Reflection
Think of one situation where you are being challenged right now. How can you manage this situation to make a positive experience for all involved? My work environment just changed drastically. Instead of being able to be social, we were told that our department is too loud and we must now use our “library voices”. This is hugely challenging for me, as my “library voice” can still be heard clear across the room! Also, as an extrovert who finds pleasure and enjoyment in the company of others, it’s very stifling to be in an almost silent area for 8-9 hours/day. In order to make this a positive experience, I should (a) stop voicing my complaints, as that never helps anyone feel better, even if I think it’s a bonding tool with my co-workers (b) ensure that I take a full lunch hour to get out of the office and talk!

Think about situations in your life when you have had to deal with difficult people or challenging situations. It may have been in your family or business environment, or in some other situation. Now that you are able to look back with distance and wisdom, what do you think was the cause or basis of the situation? In all of my previous jobs, I’ve had to deal with emotionally abusive bosses - one would curse and punch the wall in his office when something went wrong, while the other would belittle me constantly and make me feel like I wasn’t doing a good job - ever. In looking back on it, I realize this is not a personal reflection on me - this is how these men would have behaved to any employee. It’s an ego/power trip for them, and I believe that they liked to assert their power in this extremely negative manner. Now, even though I support someone who could be as abusive as them (but in a different way), I’m able to distance myself from it and realize it has nothing to do with me. It helps me keep things in perspective, and it actually makes me feel sorry that this man has to resort to this behavior. He must be missing something great and important in his life to make him act this way!

None of us are perfect, think of a time when you have been the challenging client or person. How did you feel and why did you react the way you did? What insight did you learn from this experience? Admittingly, I’m the challenging client when I call my IT department. They have such a bad attitude there that I put myself of the defensive when I call there. Although, if I look at it the other way, I only call them when something is wrong/broken and I’m frustrated, so they might be reacting to my attitude. Huh. So, if I wait to take a deep breath before I call them, and don’t immediately treat them as if they’re not going to help me (which they have about a 70% success rate of doing), then I might get somewhere with them. Double Huh.

Reflection
How would your life be different today, if people around you Enthused you instead of got angry at you for everything they wanted? I’m lucky in that I can’t think of too many examples where this had happened. But the few examples I can think of would have, if I had been enthused as opposed to yelled at, turned into strong relationships instead of ones that disintegrated. I don’t think that you can have a close bond with someone that doesn’t enthuse you, or gets angry at you for doing something positive. It ends up being their own low self-esteem and insecurities that get put on display at times like that.

Can you think of an example of when someone has tried one of the negative techniques to get you to change? How successful were they? I can think of a few teachers that beat me down, as that’s their method to get “real work” out of their students. It left me feeling untalented, without hope, a lost cause - all of those wonderful feelings. I finally came to realize that I wasn’t the problem - they were. I left those classes and those teachers behind and traded them in for classes where - no, I was not constantly told how “great” I was - my strengths were acknowledged and I was taught how to grow and gain more strengths.

What are some other areas you can think of where clients can benefit from the technique of Enthusing?I honestly feel like it can benefit anyone from anywhere. I feel that Enthusing is a big point of my coaching, as if I do nothing but point out the good that a client is doing and enthuse them to do more, I’ve done my job.

Reflection

What kinds of things from the past assist a person with coaching? That person’s “biography” assists them with coaching. By “biography” I guess I mean past experiences. These can be measurable (I graduated from NYU with a Masters Degree) or intangible (I’m the friend that people come to because I listen), but either way they’re what makes you a great coach!

What kinds of things from the present assist a person with coaching? Discovering - and recognizing - your strengths can assist with coaching. Relying on being a great listener or an enthusiastic, optimistic person can keep you on that track of being a great coach. Also, testimonials from past clients are not only useful for unsigned clients, but great for your ego!

What makes YOU a great choice as a coach? I discovered my Top 10 strengths in the last homework assignment that I did, and I think they all help me be a great coach: humorous, optimistic, enthusiastic, passionate, great listener, caring / empathetic, supportive, down-to-earth, driven, fun. I also know that my particular path - pursuing my passion (acting) for almost 10 years and being brave enough to stop pounding the pavement and find something else I love - will help those that I coach.

What difference would it make to your confidence level to have a great sounding biography that truly represents you well. I wrote my bio a while ago, and I remember thinking, “Wow! I am qualified to do this!” Before then, it was “I’m not ready, I don’t know what I’m doing.” Looking at my bio I know that without ICA I’d be a good coach (just trusting my skills & experience), but with it I’d be an excellent coach!

In what different ways could a good biography be promoted? A bio is a main part on your website, especially when you aren’t meeting many of your clients face-to-face. It can also be promoted on your blog as well as any seminars and engagements that you are involved in.

What kind of impact could some solid testimonials have on your confidence level and in getting clients? Testimonials are a solid ego boost! Since they’re coming directly from your clients, it’s solid proof that you helped that particular person. I’ve only coached 1 client for 2 sessions, and after the 2nd she sent me an email saying “You’re a great coach and you’ve helped me a lot!” That took a lot of the you’re-doing-it-wrong thoughts out of my head. In regards to getting clients, a testimonial is like a referral as well as insight into how you can help someone. It can also showcase your personality, depending on what the client says (ie “Michelle is so enthusing that I felt like I had my very own cheerleader!”), and gives the unsigned client a vote of confidence to move forward with working with you.

To what extent does your self-doubt to be able to coach serve your client? I think it helps you strive to be better. I know that, as a perfectionist, I’m hyper aware of what I’m doing wrong and try to correct it. If I felt extremely secure I might stop trying to learn.

What is the most likely result, when you have your attention on yourself and your own doubts about coaching, during a particular coaching session? Your client will get nothing out of the session if you focus on yourself! I keep my perfectionism in line when I coach (or I try my best to), and don’t beat myself up when I do something that’s a no-no (ie giving advice or sharing an experience without asking). If I didn’t, I’d be watching every word too carefully and wouldn’t have my full attention on my clients.

Without further training, what are the top three ways you could contribute and support someone in getting what they want? Enthusing, reframing, and being an active listener.

Who do you know who feels completely free to coach? What is their perspective? What is yours? The only coach I’ve ever worked with was my Peer Coach, and while I don’t know how she feels on the inside, she seems very un-self-conscious on the outside. Even when she loses her thought or can’t find what to say next, she’ll acknowledge it, let it sit, and then move forward. I hope to also not put such pressure on myself to fill every silence, or come up with every response. I know I’m still scared of the silence, and the feeling of “How am I going to fill 45 minutes? Will there be enough to say?”

I have to admit, in all honesty, I tuned out for a lot of this class. I didn’t mean to, though! Jim had us close our eyes and breathe at the beginning of the class - which is the only hippy dippy thing I like doing - and I’ve been feeling groggy and unfocused ever since. Granted, I haven’t been feeling great today at all, what with the weather being 70 degrees last week and in the teens this week, and sitting in freezing water in a hail storm for 2 hours last night (I was in a “heated” tent, but it barely helped).

I’m also feeling a bit more overwhelmed with the wedding stuff, although I’m having fun with it too. I’ve been making a lot of appointments with DJs, dress stores, photographers….Luke has been helping but I’m doing the grunt work and then he is “yay”ing or “nay”ing. I’m not doing more than I want to be doing - because all of this is exciting - but I definitely feel like I’m slipping on some other priorities right now (friendships, coaching, budgeting, theater). I think that might be part of the reason why I was drifted on the call, so much so that I didn’t walk away with anything!

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I’m grateful for the new sheets on the bed. The old sheets were getting grody.

I have to admit, this was a frustrating class because we spent less than half of it on topic. Jim is an excellent teacher and I was excited to hear him on the other end of the line when I called in, but he let the “who has a question/celebration that they want to ask/share” portion of the class go for too long. We spent a large chunk of the first half hour taking about Executive Coaching. Some of it was useful, but a lot of it didn’t apply to those that aren’t interested in Executive Coaching. And since there is an Executive Coaching module to take in ICA, I didn’t feel like this was the forum for it. Jim did mention that he was coming out of a disco nap (or, as he called it, self-hypnosis) and was talking way too much, but I wish he kept an eye on the clock and nipped some of the unrelevant discussions in that bud.

That being said, I did come out of the class with a good nougat, like usual: just because you are asking questions, you’re not necessarily coaching! Jim remarked that we should be careful  that we’re not asking leading questions, or those that give advice or make suggestions under the guise of a question.

For example, someone in the class said she had a client who is facing rough times with his importing business. He knows the only way to attract and keep business is to be cheaper  than his competitor, but he is unable to do that with the high cost of importing When Jim asked her the questions that she brought up to help her client, she remembered, “Do you think that you could or should be marketing your product differently - to a different country, or a different clientele?” Jim remarked that that particular question can be a leading question, as it seems to convey her point of view as to what the client should be doing.

Instead, we as coaches should look to broaden our clients way of thinking, and to make them more capable of thinking outside the box that they usually think in. So, we should be questioning them on their thinking, and encouraging them to start thinking differently. Instead of asking about marketing changes, we can ask them:

* “Has a similar situation happened to you before? What did you do? What do you wish you could have done differently? What would you have done knowing what you know now?”

*”Has this happened to someone that you know? If so, what did they do and what did they wish they did? If not, how can you find out?”

I’ve been worried about asking leading questions once I get my first client (which is close - I can feel it!). I know it’s going to be so difficult for me to NOT offer advice that I might say “How can I phrase this in a question?” But that would be self-serving too! Now at least I feel like I’ll have a handle on stepping back and thinking, “Am I asking this question for my own agenda? Or does it challenge my client’s thinking?” If it’s the former, I’ll scrap the question. If it’s the latter, I’ll forge ahead!

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Today I’m thankful for learning how to be laid back. I’m actually enjoying planning this wedding, which might not have been the case 6 months ago!

I love my ICA classes because there’s usually at least one Ah Ha! moment every hour. Last week, it was living in the present. This week, it’s about living Above the Line.

Living Above the Line is hard to describe, but I’ll give it a shot. It’s basically a sheet of paper that has a horizontal line going through the middle. It looks like this:

POWER / CONTROL

RESPONSIBILITY

ACCEPTANCE

———————————————————————————————————-

    NO POWER / NO CONTROL

VICTIM

BLAME

JUSTIFICATION

PASSIVE                AGGRESSIVE

Do you live your life Above or Below the Line? Think of the last argument you had, even if it was just in your head! How did you act? How would you categorize your behavior?

I thought back to my last argument, with a co-worker, and I immediately thought “Well, I was right on the line. I took my share of responsibility, and apologized for this and that, but I also justified my actions and definitely placed the blame on my coworker.” But then I really thought about it, and realized that I was probably only 30% Above the Line and 70% Below the Line. Not on the line at all!

This lead to a discussion about how we immediately become the victim when we feel that we have no control. The way to live Above the Line is to realize that YOU were the one that got yourself into this situation because of the choices you decided to make. And how empowering is that? To think that every MOMENT you have a choice? I had a choice to go to my coworker when I knew the situation was escalating, ask to speak to her privately, and try to remedy the situation. Instead, I CHOSE to keep sending emails that she was misinterpreting and CHOSE to react in a defensive manner after we reached the point of no return. So how can I say that she was “crazy”or “stupid” or “not doing her job”? I really can’t. Because I was acting crazy, stupid, and certainly not doing my job by creating tension in my work environment as well as contributing to building a hostile relationship with a co-worker.

So, this week, I will focus on living in the present (which is tough when you’re planning a wedding) as well as living Above the Line.

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Today I’m grateful for really, truly deciding to take a big step with my Mom so that our relationship won’t deteriorate, and I don’t spend half of my time talking with her  on the defensive. And, most importantly, so I don’t kill her before the wedding. That would really put a damper on things.

I have to start this post on a personal note. I took a bit of a break from class because last Saturday I got engaged, and on Monday I turned 30. These are obviously huge milestones, and the combination of the two knocked me right on my tuchus. However, I don’t think anyone on earth was happier than I was to turn 30, with an amazing group of friends around me, seeing what my future career would look like, and knowing the most wonderful man I’ve ever known is going to be beside me for the rest of my life. I feel so, so grateful, and thankful, and ecstatic and full of energy and love and amazement about how this all unfolded. I wish I could take these days and put them in a jar and let them out when I need a lift.

OK, enough about me…..

This Creating Action module is such an important one. The reading was fantastic in and of itself, focusing on playing up your clients strengths and successes. It’s been proven that, when asking someone about an experience, that they will remember 4 bad ones to 1 good one! The same goes when recalling criticism vs praise. When I was done with the reading, I realized that, if all I did was to ensure that my client reframes their words and thoughts into positive ones, and to only focus on their accomplishments, then I would earn my keep. I’d like to have a trial session with someone where that was the ONLY thing I did, and see where it gets me.

What Angela contributed to the material on the page was the importance of living in the present.  I asked her, “But how do you get your clients to stop focus on past experiences, or - if you’re working towards a goal - to not only think about that one objective that they’re working so hard to get?” I was looking for a magic answer - one of those easy ones that fall from the sky - but she didn’t provide one. Thankfully, she said “By doing it yourself. Think about how much time you are thinking of the past, and how much time you think of the future. But how often are you in the present?”

If you’re like me and the answer is “Almost never”, she recommended the book “The Power of Now.” It’ll definitely be next on the list.

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The first paragraph of this blog perfectly encompasses what I feel grateful for. I might even life it for my vows!

The one piece that struck me the most today was when Angela expressed that it’s impossible to motivate someone when they don’t really want to do what they say they do. I think this works both ways - I can’t enthuse a client when I’m not passionate about what they want to do, and they can’t be enthused if they’re not excited about it.

I see this with my boyfriend, the less-than-a-handful of times I tried to coach him. I was met with indifference during some of the ideas that we came up with, and I knew that he wasn’t in the place to commit to what we were speaking about. When I would work with Joanne and I would “get it”, it was a light bulb went off, and I would enthuse myself!  And, because I felt like she was genuine in her enthusiasm, it kept me going.

Which brings me to a point that wasn’t addressed in class. This one student kept harping on how you enthuse someone (a) if you don’t see yourself as the “cheerleader” type and (b) if they’re on the serious side and won’t respond to it. I wanted to interrupt everyone and say, “This is what we’ve been talking about the entire time!” You don’t have to set out to enthuse your client - it’s something that happens naturally. And part of our job is to read other people, and if you feel that your client won’t react favorably to being a “cheerleader”, you tone it down. Or if you’re the type of person who feels fake by saying “Woo hoo! Go get ‘em!” and waving your pom-poms, then don’t do that. If it’s artificial, your client can smell it a mile away.

Think of all the teachers you had in your life. There were those sunny, energetic ones that would yell, “YES! You got it!” and there were ones that would smirk and say “Not bad.” The smirky one wasn’t enthusing you any less by toning it down. On the contrary, that teacher was probably more down-to-earth and the “Not bad” was just as much of a compliment as the “YES!” lady.

So, the point of this rambling post is to bring home the points that:

* enthusing only works when it’s sincere

* you should enthuse in the way that feels comfortable to both you and your client

* enthusiasm can’t be a goal, as it only comes up when something clicks

This will (probably) be my last post of the year, as school is out for the holidays and won’t resume until the beginning of January. I’m planning to kick it up to two or three classes a week AND take on a Peer Client, so make sure you keep coming back to read about (and comment on!) my journey.

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I’m grateful for delivery guys, who will bring me Chinese food at 8:30p in the cold so I don’t have to cook.

I feel like I have been gone forever! I haven’t blogged since 11/18, which means I haven’t taken a class since then…..and it’s definitely had an effect on my attitude and demeanor. I’m not taking care of myself as well, and I feel like I’m taking a few steps back. But now that I’m able to take a class this week and next, and will start full-swing next month, I’m going to be more aware of doing what I need to keep moving forward.

On an unrelated note, my show opened and I’m having a blast! I never felt so prepared to open a show (80 hours of rehearsals will do that to ya!) and I’ve been confident about my performances. The fact that people seem to genuinely like the show is the icing on the cake! You can read our reviews so far here http://www.theatermania.com/content/news.cfm/story/12185 and here http://www.nytheatre.com/nytheatre/west6055.htm

OK, enough PR. Back to coaching!

Today I took enthusing with Linda, and while I thought this was a cut and dry topic (”Energize your clients! Tell them they can do it!……..OK, you’re dismissed”) there were some eye opening moments. The first is that, in order to create enthusiasm in your clients, you have to genuinely be engaged with them. It’s not enough to go “Yay! You can do it! Great job!” because if it’s coming from an artificial place your clients will smell it from a while away. But if you’re engaged in the new behavior they’ve executed, or in the idea that they just committed themselves to, you’ll be able to enthuse them with your interest and excitement. I kept flashing back to my sessions with Joann (I miss you, Joann!) and how she’d squeal “All right!” when I got a positive response from a new behavior, and I’d feel her pride and her excitement and I’d think/say “Oh yeah - that was great!” So I guess that enthusiasm leads to acknowledgment as well. Epiphany!

I also learned how important it is to live in the moment, and how enthusiasm transpires from a creative process, building something from the ground up, and living in the now. We spoke a lot about what kids playing in a sandbox are like, since those are the most enthused beings out there! They don’t worry about being judged, and they fully live in the moment while being committed to whatever it is they’re playing. Their enthusiasm feeds each other, and ideas take off from there. I hope I remember this analogy when I start coaching, since it will help me get the worries out with remembering every little thing I’ve been taught! Being a perfectionist can trip you up a lot.

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Today I’m grateful for taking class and recognizing that I need to come back to myself.

The Ethics class only has one part, which I feel is the dumbest thing ever. For such an important topic, there’s not much time here. Linda gave us some various scenarios that she has encountered and then asked us for the conflict and some possible solutions before telling us what she did. However, she reiterated that there is no one right way to handle a situation - there can be many paths to go down that are all ethical. You must decide what sits best with you.

It’s tough, as a new coach and as someone who will have to deal with these conflicts on her own for the first time (aka not having a boss to bring problems to), to figure out What Would You Do?. Linda encourages us to try to come up with different dilemmas and then figure out how you would deal with them, and I feel that would be helpful. I just know that there are a hundred+ dilemmas and a hundred+ solutions for each one, and I’m unsure how I would feel about handling each of them. Hopefully this will become clearer for me when I tackle to homework in this section, since I know there are a few pointed questions there. I also want to make sure to re-read the ICF Code of Ethics, as I know this will be my guidelines for my practice.

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Today I am grateful for movers. Knowing I have to pack and unpack my whole apartment sucks - but knowing that someone else is going to move it is pretty awesome.

This was the last part of the Creating Confidence class, and it was mostly about testimonials. I always thought that testimonials were a very cut-and-dry procedure, but this class helped break down how to get a great testimonial, how to communicate to your clients what you need, and how to build your courage to ask for a testimonial. As our action item, she wants us to ask two people for a testimonial - and if you haven’t had any clients yet, you should ask those that you have helped move forward in the past. While I found this class very helpful, I am not comfortable asking those that I have not coached for a testimonial for my coaching practice - it just doesn’t seem ethical for me.

At the end of the class, Linda asked us all to write down five things to do differently that would improve your confidence. Here’s my list:

- immediately turn around negative thoughts
- become “professional” by getting business cards and a website
- tell everyone about your coaching who asks you “what’s new?”
- try to “coach” anyone who comes to you with a problem
- think about who I can ask for a testimonial and ask them for one!

I was feeling SO lethargic for the last 2 hours, and that class totally energized me! I have to recognize and award myself for being the first person to share my bio with the class, as I was excited to receive feedback from not only the teacher but from the other 12+ students in the class.

I did post my bio on the discussion board last week, and Linda commented that she wanted to know a bit more about how I felt when I was trying to find my new path. So, here is Draft 2 of my bio:

“Since I was a little girl of 6 years old, I always wanted to be an actress. Being on stage is where I belonged, and it took me places. It took me to New York City, where I majored in musical theater at NYU / Tisch School of the Arts. It took me on a cruise ship around North America where I sang my heart out for a year. It took me to Studio 8A in Rockefeller Plaza, where I got to be on “Saturday Night Live”. It even took me to The-Closest-Movie- Theater-Is-An-Hour-Away, PA and The-Town-With-A-Gas-Station,-a-Consignment-Shop,-a- Pizzeria,-and-a-Gun-Store, New Hampshire.

And all of a sudden, the life I was pursuing for 20 years wasn’t what I wanted anymore. I didn’t want to leave my home in New York City, where I built an incredible life for myself. I didn’t want to spend my “days off” sitting at auditions to sing 8 bars of a song and wonder where the day went. I didn’t want to get a job and have to pick up my life with one day’s (or one week’s) notice. I didn’t want to be a 35 year old waitress/ hostess/ temp/office manager. I wanted my days to mean something, to be valuable, to matter.

So I got a real job. And another one. And another. I went through seven jobs in four years, constantly trying to find “the perfect fit”. I’d get restless easily and fairly despondent, thinking that there was nothing else out there for me that I could devote myself to passionately and enthusiastically. One day I declared, “Enough! I refuse to accept that there is nothing else out there that I’m going to love doing!” I decided to put some chutzpah into my search. I was going to find My Perfect Career.

I enrolled in a Career Change Workshop at NYU, and through a series of personality tests, exercises, and conversations with my classmates, I realized that I wanted to help others find their own path, especially “creative types” that thought they wanted one thing their whole life and now have to rewrite their plans. I wanted to help them figure out what they wanted to be When They Grow Up.

But I didn’t want to limit myself to Career Coaching. I wanted to help people along with all their life challenges, but not in a Hippy-Dippy or a Tell-Me-What-Your-Parents-Did-When-You-Were-Five way. I wanted to be their springboard, their partner, their confidante, their cheerleader.

I wanted to be their Life Coach!

I went full throttle into taking classes at the International Coach Academy, where I’m enrolled in the Certified Professional Coach Program. I will then be certified by the International Coaches Federation, who “exists to Build, Support and Preserve the integrity of the coaching profession.”

I’ve been training my whole life to be a coach. My communication skills, my enthusiasm and sense of humor, my desire to help people find their passion, and my people-loving-personality makes this the role that I was born to play.”

I received very positive feedback, but that’s the norm for this place! However, I appreciated and valued the comments I received (very honest & thorough, my passion shone through, etc) and I also want to look into how I can incorporate how I relate to others in there (which was a suggestion that I received). It will be tricky in terms of not making my bio too long and not stretching the truth since I’m a virgin coach, but I see how it would be beneficial to have another paragraph on WHY I think I’m (going to be ) a great coach.

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Today I’m grateful for my one day off, and for an extra hour of sleep.

This class was awesome. I had a teacher who was new to me, and she’s wonderful - Linda Anderson. Her voice is so soothing that she could probably record tapes to help people drift off to sleep, but there was no point in this class that I wanted to do such a thing!

This class module is all about creating confidence in yourself as a coach. It’s nice that this is a 3-part class (where most are only 2) to instilling students with the belief that they are enough to be a wonderful coach. This is something that I’m still struggling with (who the heck am I to charge someone money for coaching? am I even any “good”? what the hell do I know, anyway? etc etc), so every little bit helps!

Our first exercise to instill some confidence in us is to write our coaching bio. At first that didn’t make sense to me, but when I thought about it I realized that, in writing why you are qualified to be a coach, you trick yourself into knowing why you’re qualified to be a coach! Here’s my rough draft:

” Since I was a little girl of 6 years old, I always wanted to be an actress. Being on stage is where I belonged, and it took me places. It took me to New York City, where I majored in musical theater at NYU, Tisch School of the Arts. It took me on a cruise ship around North America where I sang my heart out for a year. It took me to Studio 8A in Rockefeller Plaza, where I got to be on “Saturday Night Live”. It even took me to The-Closest-Movie- Theater-Is-An-Hour-Away, PA and The-Town-With-A-Gas-Station,-a- Consignment-Shop,-a-Pizzeria,-and-a-Gun-Store, New Hampshire.

And all of a sudden, the life I was pursuing for 20 years wasn’t what I wanted anymore. I didn’t want to leave my home in New York City, where I built an incredible life for myself. I didn’t want to spend my “days off” sitting at auditions to sing 8 bars of a song and wonder where the day went. I didn’t want to get a job and have to pick up my life with one day’s (or one week’s) notice. I didn’t want to be a 35 year old waitress/ hostess/ temp/office manager. I wanted my days to mean something, to be valuable, to matter.

So I got a real job. And another one. And another. I went through seven jobs in four years. I was constantly trying to find “the perfect fit”, and would get restless easily. Finally, I decided to put some chutzpah into my search. I was going to find My Perfect Career.

I enrolled in a Career Change Workshop at NYU, and through a series of personality tests, exercises, and conversations with my classmates, I realized that I wanted to help others find their own path, especially “creative types” that thought they wanted one thing their whole life and now have to rewrite their plans. I wanted to help them figure out what they wanted to be When They Grow Up.

But I didn’t want to limit myself to Career Coaching. I wanted to help people along with all their life challenges, but not in a Hippy-Dippy or a Tell-Me-What-Your-Parents-Did-When-You-Were-Five way. I wanted to be their springboard, their partner, their confidante, their cheerleader.

I wanted to be their Life Coach!

I went full throttle into taking classes at the International Coach Academy, where I’m enrolled in the Certified Professional Coach Program. I will then be certified by the International Coaches Federation, who “exists to Build, Support and Preserve the integrity of the coaching profession.”

I’ve been training my whole life to be a coach. My communication skills, my enthusiasm and sense of humor, my desire to help people find their passion, and my people-loving-personality makes this the role that I was born to play. “

While I know this bio might be a bit informal, I think it represents who I am (both background info and my personality), why I’m here, and why I’d be a great coach. In rereading it (I wrote it a few weeks ago), I barely changed anything because it said all that I wanted to say. I am, however, excited to share this with the class next week and get some feedback. Or, if anyone’s reading this thing and wants to leave a comment or two (I know you’ll email me on it, Joanne!) then it would be both welcome and appreciated.

*

Today I’m grateful for the abundance of food delivery options in New York City, and how they enable me to spend the whole day in my pajamas.

This was such a great class! Why, you ask? Because I got to be the coach! And while I was scared to jump in there, once I did I remembered why I’m spending all this time, energy and money - to learn to be a life coach, and to help people get to where they want to go. I coached a fellow student who posed as her actual client, who seems to be a miserable woman who wants her job, her husband, and her kids to just spontaneously combust (or, at the least, just go away). Angela, the instructor, actually interrupted in the middle to guide both myself and the “client”. At the end, she said that it was the most difficult coaching session that she’s been witness to in a class setting!

Her feedback, though, was fantastic. I’m always wary that coaches are only going to tell you what you did right, and I really wanted to hear what I could do better (although I don’t mind hearing what I did right, either). Angela helped me see how I was focusing on how the client is a victim and not what she could be doing to move the situation along. I also really have to be aware of not putting words in the clients mouth (ie “You sound very resentful towards your husband”) but to make them come up with the answer themselves (ie “When your husband doesn’t help you with the chores, how does that make you feel?”). I also confirmed the feeling I’ve been having that it would be difficult for me to withhold advice - especially when the client likes to answer questions with “I don’t know” over and over. I feel bad for my fellow student who actually has to deal with this real woman tonight!

*

Today I’m thankful for tacos. Mmm mmm, I love me some tacos.

I’ll be honest - this was the first class I’ve taken where I’ve been like, “WTF? That’s ridiculous.”

We spent the whole class talking about a coaching method that relies on the coach to alternatively & repeatedly ask the client “What’s favorable about that?” or “What’s unfavorable about that?” I was the client in this exercise, and I just hated this! It forced me to come up with an answer - any answer - to the question, even if it wasn’t honest. I felt that it also halted any real breakthroughs because when I had an eye-opening moment I was led to move away from it. I have no idea what this has to do with UACs at all.

What I did take away from this class is that a study proved that the best coaching sessions happen when the coach speaks 2% of the time. 2%! That seems a bit ridiculous, but it really hit home for me what a large part listening plays in being a great coach. Angela also remarked that “coaching is only hard when the coach gets in the way.” I can definitely see myself getting in the way, putting pressure on myself to say the “perfect” things and ask the “perfect” questions. But if you focus on powerful listening and nothing else, you’re mostly there.

*

I’m grateful today for the offer I received to do a musical comedy here in NYC, where I do what I do best - play multiple characters - and get to be a leading role. I’ve spent so much time in the chorus, where multiple characters live, that this will be a big challenge for me as well as an opportunity for exposure. Here’s where my work/life balance techniques kick in!

OK, OK, I learned my lesson. I learned my lesson, OK! I will now always take Part 1 before Part 2. However much it works with my schedule, however much I tell myself it doesn’t matter - it does. AND I will ALWAYS read the module before class. I’ve been so lax/forgetful with that, and I know that if I DID read the module before taking Power Listening Part 2 on Saturday I would have felt much better about the class.

Jim was great today, and addressed all of my questions and concerns about Power Listening: how to be a Power Listener, how to take notes & power listen simultaneously (jot your note quick and then continue to listen; or just be the best listener your client has ever met and let go of the fear of having to “prove yourself” - often just listening is enough). I know that I walked away from this class with the tools of how to both effectively, powerfully listen as well as how to show that I’m listening. The hardest part for me is twofold: to not be worried about what I’m going to say/not allow myself to jump in, and to allow the silence to be OK (they suggest you wait ten seconds when the client has stopped speaking to speak again, but that seems excessive!).  I focused on this when I was doing sales but never really got it.  I think that’s really difficult for extroverts that always want to be the center of attention!

The UACs still allude me a little but. Even after reading the module, I’m not quite clear as to how to find them and exactly what it accomplishes.  I’m going to ask Joanne if we can focus on this over the next week or two to help find my UACs, and that might shed some light on it for me. I think that a UAC that I know I have has to do with my spending. I’m so motivated to pay off my debt and save money, but when push comes to shove I find it extremely difficult to live within my budget and….well….don’t. I know that the UAC that I have that underlies this goal is that I don’t want my social life to suffer. If I don’t have class or prior plans, it’s extremely difficult for me to pass up that Happy Hour, or that party, or that day apple picking, to keep $40 in my pocket. I’m not sure how to get myself pass that hump.

Hmmmmm…..maybe I do know what a UAC is after all!

Today I am grateful for my life. I was walking home from the subway today at that perfect time of day - what do filmmakers call it again? - where your surroundings are crisp and clear and in focus, and the lighting is just perfect. And I took a deep breath since it finally feels like fall, and I thought, “Hey, this isn’t a bad way to live.” To be in NYC, to be in love, to be in a good job and pursuing my passion, to have my health and an amazing group of friends and family, it’s what the word “grateful” is all abut.

REFLECTION

1. What structures are you going to put in place in your practice that will direct the logistics of how you work with clients?

On mys website, I will put:

*my Mission Statement

* FAQs

* About Me

* Testimonials

* Who I Work With (quiz on being ready for coaching?)

* How I Work (abbreviated version of my Policies & Standards)

* Services, Programs & Workshops (no costs mentioned)

* a link to my blog

* a Newsletter sign-up and PDFs of past newsletters

I will email My Welcome Packet to the prospective client after they agree to be coached. This will be a thorough document that will lay out:

my Policies & Procedures, including:

* Logistics: How long are my sessions? How regular are my sessions? Face to face / phone / email? Cancellations? Rescheduling? Holidays?

* Payment: How do my clients pay? How much? How frequently?

* Standards & Boundaries: What will my clients expect from me? What will I expect from my clients? What boundaries do I put in place for my clients? What standards can my clients uphold me to?

* Confidentiality agreement

* Liability clause

our Coaching Agreement, specific to what was agreed upon by that particular client. This includes:

* length of coaching, including specific dates and time

* payment policies, including cost, frequency, and how they’re paying

* who initiates the call

* contact info for both parties

The client will initial the Welcome Packet on the bottom right hand corner of every page. They will also sign/initial the following:

“I have read, understand, and agree to the Policies & Procedures of X Coaching.”

“I understand that coaching does not involve the diagnosis or treatment of mental disorders and is not to be used as a substitute for professional mental health care.”

“I understand that I am responsible for all of my decisions, actions, or inactions.”
(Will they do this electronically or by mail? Can this be done if it’s a PDF? Does it have to be PDFd?)

Before our first session, I will email my client an Intake Form to be completed and emailed back at least 24 hours prior to our first session. This Word document will include:

* all client contact info, as well as emergency info

* How would you rank each aspect of your life (career, home, relationships, finance, leisure, self-care, love life, health)? Where and how would you like to improve?

* What are your 3 goals for the next 3 months? next year? next 3 years?

* What are your Top 5 values (include values exercise)?

* What are you looking to get from coaching, and how will you know when you receive value from it?

* How stressful/balanced is your life right now? Is that acceptable to you?

* What is the best part of your life right now? What is the worst part?

* What sort of support structure do you have in place? Name all of the people that you can rely on for unconditional support.

* What types of approaches discourage you, or take away motivation?

* What motivates you?

* Do you have a personal or professional vision? What is it?

2. What will be my client’s most common questions?

* What is coaching?

* What happens during a coaching session?

* Who works with a coach? (to be answered in the Who I Work With section of the website)

* How is coaching different from therapy, consulting, a sports coach or a best friend?

* How does coaching create better long-term results?

* Why do people hire a coach? (to be answered in the Who I Work With section of the website)

* How long do your clients work with you? (to be answered in the Who I Work With section of the website)

* What benefits might I experience from working with a coach?

* What factors are needed for coaching to be successful? (to be answered in the Who I Work With section of the website)

* How do I get the most out of my coaching?

* What does coaching cost?

* How can coaching work effectively over the phone or via email?

* What credentials do coaches have?oaches provide on-going follow-up and support. This helps the client act quickly tohave the life they want.

3. Five years from now, what difference could it make to your coaching practice to have standards you commit to and meet for your clients? I know that referrals are going to make up a major part of my business, and I want my new clients to expect exactly what my old clients received that led them to refer me!

4. What could be the impact of advertising standards to your clients and perspective clients? If I advertise my standards, my clients will know that this is a partnership. I had a voice teacher who would charge you for a lesson if you canceled less than 24 hours in advance, but there was nothing in place if the opposite happened (or if he was late/didn’t show at all!). This led me to think that the teacher didn’t care about my time or progress, and only cared about getting my money. That is not the foundation that I want to build for my practice.

5. When is the best time to introduce clients or perspective clients to your policies? I think it’s best to put an abbreviated version of your policies on your website/brochure so that clients are aware of your policies, and have to commit to them, prior to agreeing to work with you. After the trial call, I will email my Welcome Packet to them so they can make note of all of the policies and procedures that I have in place.

This was my first class that was strictly role playing, and it was great for a few reasons:

1. It reinforced the idea that we’re all learning, so even though it was only my sixth class, I won’t be so scared to play the coach next time around. And even if I get scared, I’ll remember that I’m an actress - I can just pretend that I’m a coach!

2. Even though we only had 2 10-minute “sessions”, the key principles were reinforced: paraphrasing the client to understand what they mean, finding their UAC, withholding judgment or advice, and asking questions.

3. I realized that another part of coaching, which has escaped me until now, was that the curiosity of the coach is an important element. For example, I played the role of the client in the second role play, and went into detail about how “a friendship, to me, is about giving and getting 100%” and “it’s hard for me to say no to a ‘friend’, even if it’s someone who doesn’t bring anything to my table.” Now, I made these statements apart from each other, but the coach picked up on it and asked me to explain more about giving/getting 100%. And what does giving/getting 100% have to do with not being able to say no? EVERYTHING! If the coach wasn’t curious about how those two things relate to each other, and didn’t ask me to go into more detail about it, I never would have put two and two together. I’m not sure exactly where to go from here, but it’s certainly a great eye-opener and a wonderful start.

Here I was worried that, when I started coaching, I’d have to have a mini-script in front of me, prompting me to ask certain questions or execute certain exercises. What I realized tonight is that it’s enough to effectively listen, and inquire about what sparks my curiosity, and offer feedback, and keep asking questions. It’s a lot of pressure to feel like you’re required to enable someone to change their life, but I know that if I just stick to these elements I’ll be a great coach.

Today, I feel grateful for my opportunities. I love that many doors are wide open to me now, and that I can choose to walk through all or none of them.

As you can see, Wednesday was a back-to-back night for me. Because I’ve been upset with all of my Jew commitments (all of the High Holy Days are in September, and either on a Wed or a Sat when I usually take class) as well as my social commitments (weddings and babies are taking up two full Sept weekends), I decided to try a twofer night. That’s right: two classes in one night. Back to back even! I admit I did it as a semi-experiment, to see if it’s something that I could handle / enjoy, but I could not and it was not. I lost focus and interest quite a bit during those two hours, even though the classes didn’t bore me in the least. I was also upset that I couldn’t find the energy - or feel like I had the time - to blog about my class right when it was over, like I’ve been committing myself to do. That’s why I’m here on a Friday night tied to the keyboard. Well, not literally tied, but ya know, I like to blog when it’s fresh. And at the ripe old age of 29.5, it doesn’t stay fresh for long!

Advanced Coaching: Creating Structures (Part 1)

Since this was the class that I took first, I’ll start with this one. I still feel weird taking a class called “Advanced Coaching” when I’ve only taken 2 other classes, but I know ICA is a free-for-all so I figured I’d try it out (another semi-experiment). ICA is right in that the class made perfect sense, but since Creating Structures was about creating a structure for your coaching business, I felt like it was way ahead of where I’m at. I have at least 4 months before I start coaching, and a class on writing your policies and procedures was a bit far out there for me (although when I just wrote that I might be coaching in 4 months - which is sooner than I originally thought - I might not be as far ahead of the game after all!).

Jim (the teacher’s) Policies and Procedures were written so well I wish he’d give us ICAers permission for the copywrite! We also spoke about standards and boundaries, and that while clients have to agree to certain things when working with you, you also have to hold yourself up to your own standards so they know what to expect.

We also got into the legal aspect of these agreements, and I’ll now definitely seek the advice of a lawyer before I submit them to my first client. While it seems far fetched for a coach to get sued, Jim gave some great examples of worst-case scenarios that really wanted to make me cover my tuchus.

Effective Feedback (Part 1)

Since Part 2 of this class was my first ICA class ever (as opposed to this, my fourth), it was thought-provoking to see how everything fit together. Again, I know that you can take Part 2 before a Part 1, but I do think that you’ll get more out of a class if you (a) take Part 1 first and (b) take Part 1 and Part 2 within a week’s time.

This class was more about feedback vs. criticism, and what’s really hard for me to grasp is that, technically, feedback is more than just telling someone your opinion. For example, if someone said, “Give me some feedback about my presentation” I would say something like “Well, the PowerPoint was point together well and looked great visually, but I got confused because you were jumping around from one point to another. You didn’t put the topics in a cohesive order, so it was hard to follow.” Well, that’s not feedback at all - that’s constructive criticism (which a class member said was an oxymoron, since anything defined as criticism automatically devalues someone).

With feedback, we’re holding up a mirror to someone and showing them how they acted or reacted, but in a neutral, non-judgmental way. So the better way to answer the question, “Can you give me some feedback about my presentation?” would be to say “You put that presentation together in a visually appealing way. I noticed, though, the you went right from a slide about the parent program to a slide about the student program, and then back to the parent program. That made it hard for me to stay on track with you.” With that example, I showed her what she did and then told her about the impact that it had on me.

This was a tough class and I feel like giving feedback is going to be a challenge for me. I’ve noticed recently that I’m very quick to want to help someone, so I’ll chime in with “advice” right away (whether it’s asked for or not). I love the idea of effective feedback, though, because I can be helping the student reach their own realizations and come to their own decisions, which make it much more powerful for them in the long run and puts lets pressure on me to have all of the answers.

Wow, these posts are getting long! If you’re reading this, thanks for sticking with me!

I realized that I forgot to put something that I’m grateful for in my last post. Today, I’m very grateful for my wonderful boyfriend, who loves me and supports me and provides for me - even if I don’t want him to. I know that I’m special because he chooses to be with me.