Advanced Coaching 200: Powerful Questions (Part 3)

OK, so I’ve been bad with the blogging – but not when I’m inspired to! I just love Angela’s classes, and I had to get on here right away to post her/my/some insight.

This is obviously one of the most important modules for a coach, since asking questions is really at the foundation of what we do (and listening, duh). But what blew my mind was this:

It has been proven in a study that the coaches that are liked the best are the ones that talk the least.

I’m talking 2% here, people. Imagine being in a conversation with someone and only talking to them 2% of the time?! But with a likeable coach, we’re not talking about just listening, nodding and grunting, allowing the client to run their mouth off. We’re talking about allowing the silences to be living things, and asking very pointed questions.

While 2% is a really unrealistic number for me to aim for personally (and I also think I work with the kind of clients that would like a BIT more dialogue, and I would be bored easily by only talking .9 minutes – not even a whole minute! – in every 45 min session), I see what I need to do to ask more useful questions that “create more learning”, as Angela put it. I’ve become good at recognzing and then not breaking the silence, but I have gone back to my old habit of asking leading/multiple choice questions. I hear myself doing it.

I found recently that the way I coach on ICA calls is VERY different than how I coach a client during a 45-min session. I know that in the 20-30 minutes I have to coach during a class, there needs to be focus, there needs to be clarification, there needs to be an open mind and questions, questions, questions. During a regular session there’s not the “what do you want to do this week?” or “what do you want to work on today?” question, and there needs to be. I also need to stop trusting that I know this client – especially as the number of sessions get higher – and make sure that they’re clarifying what I’m hearing. I need to trust that my client has the answer – I’m the blank slate that will get them there.

That was an “a-ha!” moment for me. I need to trust that the client has their own answer.

I also really, really liked what Angela put on the table when I asked her what to do when the client asks you for your personal experiences, or wants to become more friendly in general. She quoted from Choice Theory when she said, “We are the sum of the choices that we’ve made.” Every choice is unique, and the sum of all of those choices makes us unique. You can advise someone to do something similar, but there’s going to be at least one variable that’s different. It’ll be impossible for them to get the same outcome.

I think I’ll keep that in my back pocket when a client throws the responsibility onto me.

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Today I’m grateful for sick days. I might have to take one tomorrow