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Reflection
Think of one situation where you are being challenged right now. How can you manage this situation to make a positive experience for all involved? My work environment just changed drastically. Instead of being able to be social, we were told that our department is too loud and we must now use our “library voices”. This is hugely challenging for me, as my “library voice” can still be heard clear across the room! Also, as an extrovert who finds pleasure and enjoyment in the company of others, it’s very stifling to be in an almost silent area for 8-9 hours/day. In order to make this a positive experience, I should (a) stop voicing my complaints, as that never helps anyone feel better, even if I think it’s a bonding tool with my co-workers (b) ensure that I take a full lunch hour to get out of the office and talk!
Think about situations in your life when you have had to deal with difficult people or challenging situations. It may have been in your family or business environment, or in some other situation. Now that you are able to look back with distance and wisdom, what do you think was the cause or basis of the situation? In all of my previous jobs, I’ve had to deal with emotionally abusive bosses – one would curse and punch the wall in his office when something went wrong, while the other would belittle me constantly and make me feel like I wasn’t doing a good job – ever. In looking back on it, I realize this is not a personal reflection on me – this is how these men would have behaved to any employee. It’s an ego/power trip for them, and I believe that they liked to assert their power in this extremely negative manner. Now, even though I support someone who could be as abusive as them (but in a different way), I’m able to distance myself from it and realize it has nothing to do with me. It helps me keep things in perspective, and it actually makes me feel sorry that this man has to resort to this behavior. He must be missing something great and important in his life to make him act this way!
None of us are perfect, think of a time when you have been the challenging client or person. How did you feel and why did you react the way you did? What insight did you learn from this experience? Admittingly, I’m the challenging client when I call my IT department. They have such a bad attitude there that I put myself of the defensive when I call there. Although, if I look at it the other way, I only call them when something is wrong/broken and I’m frustrated, so they might be reacting to my attitude. Huh. So, if I wait to take a deep breath before I call them, and don’t immediately treat them as if they’re not going to help me (which they have about a 70% success rate of doing), then I might get somewhere with them. Double Huh.
It’s really odd, working with more than 1 coach. I like it in order to see different coaching styles and approaches (and Holly definitely has similar personality traits to me), but it’s tough not to compare side by side. I feel like working with Holly will be as beneficial as working with Joanne, but I’m going to come to my realizations in a different way. With Joanne, things would often smack me in the face (for lack of a better way to say that). With Holly, I feel like things will come out in a more roundabout way – but I can distinguish in my blabbering what she’s asking me and how I need to change my thinking.
It was nice to talk and clear my head about all of my To Dos that are making me bonkers, and actually giving voice to my wants. I definitely saw a new perspective in giving wedding To Dos to my pre-husband (maybe he’s asking for things to do because he wants to be involved!), as well as breaking things down and asking myself what has to be done this week. If it doesn’t have to be done, then I’m not gonna do it! Is something on my To Do list for that day and only that day? No? Then close the To Do list and come back tomorrow!
The blinders are going on as of……….now.
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I’m grateful today for the way that spring in NY feels.
The “problems” I have with Client A (and I put problems in quotations because it’s ridiculous calling them problems!) is that she knows what she wants, she knows how to go after it, and she’s extremely proactive about it. What “problems”!
I know that coaches are here to help clients get unstuck, to give them a new approach to obstacles, a different perspective. With Client A, I’m trying to see where the obstacles actually are, since they’re buried under a lot of enthusiasm and positive changes. I try to sometimes find the question, and realize that she already has the answer!
I felt really good about today’s session, though, because I did feel like she cleared her head a bit. There are so many big, exciting changes that are occurring for her that she admitted to her actions being a bit cloudy. I definitely was better today in restating what I heard and interpreted – both in her voice and in her words – as well as listening and not talking so much (or as much as I would usually do). And she did find (another!) important piece of her life that she wants to change, and I love the fact that I helped her get there.
Y’know, I know that I still have a long way to go, and I was so (so!) nervous about coaching someone, but I think as soon as my sessions with Client A end I’ll look for a Peer Client almost immediately. It keeps everything in perspective.
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