Advanced Coaching 100: Creating Action (Part 2)

I love my ICA classes because there’s usually at least one Ah Ha! moment every hour. Last week, it was living in the present. This week, it’s about living Above the Line.

Living Above the Line is hard to describe, but I’ll give it a shot. It’s basically a sheet of paper that has a horizontal line going through the middle. It looks like this:

POWER / CONTROL

RESPONSIBILITY

ACCEPTANCE

        ASSERTIVE

———————————————————————————————————-

    NO POWER / NO CONTROL

VICTIM

BLAME

JUSTIFICATION

PASSIVE                AGGRESSIVE

Do you live your life Above or Below the Line? Think of the last argument you had, even if it was just in your head! How did you act? How would you categorize your behavior?

I thought back to my last argument, with a co-worker, and I immediately thought “Well, I was right on the line. I took my share of responsibility, and apologized for this and that, but I also justified my actions and definitely placed the blame on my coworker.” But then I really thought about it, and realized that I was probably only 30% Above the Line and 70% Below the Line. Not on the line at all!

This lead to a discussion about how we immediately become the victim when we feel that we have no control. The way to live Above the Line is to realize that YOU were the one that got yourself into this situation because of the choices you decided to make. And how empowering is that? To think that every MOMENT you have a choice? I had a choice to go to my coworker when I knew the situation was escalating, ask to speak to her privately, and try to remedy the situation. Instead, I CHOSE to keep sending emails that she was misinterpreting and CHOSE to react in a defensive manner after we reached the point of no return. So how can I say that she was “crazy”or “stupid” or “not doing her job”? I really can’t. Because I was acting crazy, stupid, and certainly not doing my job by creating tension in my work environment as well as contributing to building a hostile relationship with a co-worker.

So, this week, I will focus on living in the present (which is tough when you’re planning a wedding) as well as living Above the Line.

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Today I’m grateful for really, truly deciding to take a big step with my Mom so that our relationship won’t deteriorate, and I don’t spend half of my time talking with her  on the defensive. And, most importantly, so I don’t kill her before the wedding. That would really put a damper on things.