Monthly Archive

I love my ICA classes because there’s usually at least one Ah Ha! moment every hour. Last week, it was living in the present. This week, it’s about living Above the Line.

Living Above the Line is hard to describe, but I’ll give it a shot. It’s basically a sheet of paper that has a horizontal line going through the middle. It looks like this:

POWER / CONTROL

RESPONSIBILITY

ACCEPTANCE

———————————————————————————————————-

    NO POWER / NO CONTROL

VICTIM

BLAME

JUSTIFICATION

PASSIVE                AGGRESSIVE

Do you live your life Above or Below the Line? Think of the last argument you had, even if it was just in your head! How did you act? How would you categorize your behavior?

I thought back to my last argument, with a co-worker, and I immediately thought “Well, I was right on the line. I took my share of responsibility, and apologized for this and that, but I also justified my actions and definitely placed the blame on my coworker.” But then I really thought about it, and realized that I was probably only 30% Above the Line and 70% Below the Line. Not on the line at all!

This lead to a discussion about how we immediately become the victim when we feel that we have no control. The way to live Above the Line is to realize that YOU were the one that got yourself into this situation because of the choices you decided to make. And how empowering is that? To think that every MOMENT you have a choice? I had a choice to go to my coworker when I knew the situation was escalating, ask to speak to her privately, and try to remedy the situation. Instead, I CHOSE to keep sending emails that she was misinterpreting and CHOSE to react in a defensive manner after we reached the point of no return. So how can I say that she was “crazy”or “stupid” or “not doing her job”? I really can’t. Because I was acting crazy, stupid, and certainly not doing my job by creating tension in my work environment as well as contributing to building a hostile relationship with a co-worker.

So, this week, I will focus on living in the present (which is tough when you’re planning a wedding) as well as living Above the Line.

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Today I’m grateful for really, truly deciding to take a big step with my Mom so that our relationship won’t deteriorate, and I don’t spend half of my time talking with her  on the defensive. And, most importantly, so I don’t kill her before the wedding. That would really put a damper on things.

I have to start this post on a personal note. I took a bit of a break from class because last Saturday I got engaged, and on Monday I turned 30. These are obviously huge milestones, and the combination of the two knocked me right on my tuchus. However, I don’t think anyone on earth was happier than I was to turn 30, with an amazing group of friends around me, seeing what my future career would look like, and knowing the most wonderful man I’ve ever known is going to be beside me for the rest of my life. I feel so, so grateful, and thankful, and ecstatic and full of energy and love and amazement about how this all unfolded. I wish I could take these days and put them in a jar and let them out when I need a lift.

OK, enough about me…..

This Creating Action module is such an important one. The reading was fantastic in and of itself, focusing on playing up your clients strengths and successes. It’s been proven that, when asking someone about an experience, that they will remember 4 bad ones to 1 good one! The same goes when recalling criticism vs praise. When I was done with the reading, I realized that, if all I did was to ensure that my client reframes their words and thoughts into positive ones, and to only focus on their accomplishments, then I would earn my keep. I’d like to have a trial session with someone where that was the ONLY thing I did, and see where it gets me.

What Angela contributed to the material on the page was the importance of living in the present.  I asked her, “But how do you get your clients to stop focus on past experiences, or - if you’re working towards a goal - to not only think about that one objective that they’re working so hard to get?” I was looking for a magic answer - one of those easy ones that fall from the sky - but she didn’t provide one. Thankfully, she said “By doing it yourself. Think about how much time you are thinking of the past, and how much time you think of the future. But how often are you in the present?”

If you’re like me and the answer is “Almost never”, she recommended the book “The Power of Now.” It’ll definitely be next on the list.

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The first paragraph of this blog perfectly encompasses what I feel grateful for. I might even life it for my vows!

The business building classes don’t have modules like the other ones, so I can’t organize them all nice and neat. Instead, even though business building has reading like all of the other classes, it only exists to answer questions. It’ll be interesting to see if this ends up more on the positive or negative side, since it can go either way right now. I’m hoping that every class isn’t about the same generic questions (web site, identifying your niche, what to put on your business card - yeah, really. who doesn’t know what to put on a business card?) and, over the course of the 12 classes that I’m required to take, a whole gamet of subjects get brought up. While I was breezing through the reading (I know! I haven’t read it yet! I’m so fired!), I caught myself wishing that Business Building would be in module form, since the subjects that were written about were interesting and varied. I think I’ll take some notes while I do the reading, and then I can come to class with some specifics. “Great idea, Michelle!” “Well thank you, Michelle. I wholeheartedly agree with you.”

What’s nice about this class is that Jim takes an inventory at the beginning of the class, and asks each student what they want to discuss. Then he’ll see what the most requested topic is and starts there. This led us to speaking about attracting clients, which resulted in talking about identifying your niche, pricing, web sites and business cards. Jim threw out some questions you should ask about yourself about your target audience, so you can best identify your niche and attract those clients. I actually never thought about focusing on the publications that your target audience reads and pitching an article, or giving a presentation to a networking group, so I found this helpful. While I know my target audience and I have a good idea of what my niche(s) will be, I’ll definitely do a bit of brainstorming on my own to find out how to find those clients.

I also liked Jim’s suggestions on pricing, and keeping a list of how much materials or tools cost you, and how much you want to mark it up. I’m also going to have to figure out how much my time costs me, and the mark up on that as well. While I did have a pricing sheet for the services I want to offer, it was literally me picking out prices out of thin air and figuring they were “reasonable”. But, with a real price list (my cost / client cost) I’ll be able to know how and why I give discounts as well as being able to account for any cost increases I make throughout my career.

All in all, it’s good to be back! I hope that everyone had a wonderful holiday season and a great New Year.

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Today I’m grateful for learning about taking things a little at a time. I got a lot done over my break by working on my Welcome Packet for 30 minutes at a time, a few times a week. While I’m not quite finished, I have a solid rough draft and am on my way to reaching out for a Peer Client!