Monthly Archive

I knew that these last 2 sessions were going to focus on how NOT to revert to the old me - the stressful, overwhelmed me who feels like there isn’t enough time in a day (or a week or a month) to get EVERYTHING done that I’ve committed myself to. And since my life will consist of 15-hour days, with a one hour break, 5 days a week - starting tomorrow - AND I have to move on top of it AND go to weddings and spend time with family and sacrifice my coaching time…….there’s no time to breathe. I don’t want to lose sleep, and get sick, and become a hermit and not see my friends. I want the show that I’m doing to be amazing because, if it’s terrible and I put so much of myself in it, I’ll be nothing but bitter and crazed and bitchy for no good reason at all.

So I’m going to stop and breathe. And make sleep my priority. And make sure that I learn how to say NO to myself (and I thought it was tough telling other people!). I need to take care of myself and put everything that I’ve worked so hard on with Joanne to the test. This IS my test! My ultimate test to how I put myself first, and say no, and prioritize my life and fill my time like it’s my own. Because it is my own. And I chose these choices. And I’ll choose how my time is balanced and my life is lived. And I’ll do it without the stress (OK, maybe some stress) or the bitching (OK, maybe a little bitching) because, I mean, I booked a show and that makes me happy. And who else can say that they have a great job, and they’re doing exactly what they want to do with their own time. I can.

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Can’t you tell what I’m gracious for now? If not, read the last line above.

This class was awesome. I had a teacher who was new to me, and she’s wonderful - Linda Anderson. Her voice is so soothing that she could probably record tapes to help people drift off to sleep, but there was no point in this class that I wanted to do such a thing!

This class module is all about creating confidence in yourself as a coach. It’s nice that this is a 3-part class (where most are only 2) to instilling students with the belief that they are enough to be a wonderful coach. This is something that I’m still struggling with (who the heck am I to charge someone money for coaching? am I even any “good”? what the hell do I know, anyway? etc etc), so every little bit helps!

Our first exercise to instill some confidence in us is to write our coaching bio. At first that didn’t make sense to me, but when I thought about it I realized that, in writing why you are qualified to be a coach, you trick yourself into knowing why you’re qualified to be a coach! Here’s my rough draft:

” Since I was a little girl of 6 years old, I always wanted to be an actress. Being on stage is where I belonged, and it took me places. It took me to New York City, where I majored in musical theater at NYU, Tisch School of the Arts. It took me on a cruise ship around North America where I sang my heart out for a year. It took me to Studio 8A in Rockefeller Plaza, where I got to be on “Saturday Night Live”. It even took me to The-Closest-Movie- Theater-Is-An-Hour-Away, PA and The-Town-With-A-Gas-Station,-a- Consignment-Shop,-a-Pizzeria,-and-a-Gun-Store, New Hampshire.

And all of a sudden, the life I was pursuing for 20 years wasn’t what I wanted anymore. I didn’t want to leave my home in New York City, where I built an incredible life for myself. I didn’t want to spend my “days off” sitting at auditions to sing 8 bars of a song and wonder where the day went. I didn’t want to get a job and have to pick up my life with one day’s (or one week’s) notice. I didn’t want to be a 35 year old waitress/ hostess/ temp/office manager. I wanted my days to mean something, to be valuable, to matter.

So I got a real job. And another one. And another. I went through seven jobs in four years. I was constantly trying to find “the perfect fit”, and would get restless easily. Finally, I decided to put some chutzpah into my search. I was going to find My Perfect Career.

I enrolled in a Career Change Workshop at NYU, and through a series of personality tests, exercises, and conversations with my classmates, I realized that I wanted to help others find their own path, especially “creative types” that thought they wanted one thing their whole life and now have to rewrite their plans. I wanted to help them figure out what they wanted to be When They Grow Up.

But I didn’t want to limit myself to Career Coaching. I wanted to help people along with all their life challenges, but not in a Hippy-Dippy or a Tell-Me-What-Your-Parents-Did-When-You-Were-Five way. I wanted to be their springboard, their partner, their confidante, their cheerleader.

I wanted to be their Life Coach!

I went full throttle into taking classes at the International Coach Academy, where I’m enrolled in the Certified Professional Coach Program. I will then be certified by the International Coaches Federation, who “exists to Build, Support and Preserve the integrity of the coaching profession.”

I’ve been training my whole life to be a coach. My communication skills, my enthusiasm and sense of humor, my desire to help people find their passion, and my people-loving-personality makes this the role that I was born to play. “

While I know this bio might be a bit informal, I think it represents who I am (both background info and my personality), why I’m here, and why I’d be a great coach. In rereading it (I wrote it a few weeks ago), I barely changed anything because it said all that I wanted to say. I am, however, excited to share this with the class next week and get some feedback. Or, if anyone’s reading this thing and wants to leave a comment or two (I know you’ll email me on it, Joanne!) then it would be both welcome and appreciated.

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Today I’m grateful for the abundance of food delivery options in New York City, and how they enable me to spend the whole day in my pajamas.

This is my last Foundations class! Not bad for two months of work (with some Advanced classes thrown in there as well).

This is such an important topic, but a lot of our time was eaten up by some specific examples that didn’t drive home the topic for me. One of the challenges with these classes is that most of the students are “talkers”, and want to get their two cents in. So, someone will make a point, and then before the teacher can answer, someone will ask a question and then someone will interrupt with another point. It’s frustrating sometimes.

But what I got out of this class is all of the different ways you can show your clients a new way of looking at things. And isn’t that what coaching is about? Because if the way they are looking at things was working for them, they wouldn’t be paying a coach! There were some great reframing questions here, and I know that I’m going to use them for both my clients and myself.

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Today I’m grateful for not having to take 2 hours out of a precious, rain-soaked day to schlep to Queens!

Why bother to discern UAC’s? Underlying Automatic Commitments are what continually hold you back from making a positive change in your life. UACs stop you from getting a new job, or creating financial security, or finding someone to share your life with. Without discerning the UAC that is preventing you from accomplishing what you set out to achieve, you will repeatedly make the same mistakes that stop you from reaching your objective.

What are some unwanted behaviors you currently have in your life? Using this process, can you now see what might be behind these outcomes?
* Putting too much pressure on myself to….well….be perfect and do everything! I know that I’ve always been “the good girl”, the one who held my family up through a divorce and put the needs of my friends, family and boyfriends before my own needs. While my relationships are still an enormous priority in my life, I know that the only way to be happy, healthy, and unstressed is to say “no” when I don’t want to do something. It seems easy, but it’s a really tough challenge for me!
* I’ve been having difficulty sticking to a budget, even though I’ve been very anal about putting one together every month, recording my purchases, and putting money towards my debt. When I reflected as to why I fall short every month, I realized that my social life will always come before my savings, so I spend more money than I allot to meals with friends, drinks with friends….anything with friends! I’m now able to recognize that I don’t want my social life to suffer because I don’t want to spend the money, so I’m (a) turning down social invitations that I’m not thrilled to go to and (b) trying to cut corners in other areas of my life, like eating out for lunch.

With this new insight, what would be an empowering action to take? I can’t wait to say no! I’ve worked on a good excuse-without-being-an-excuse with my coach and I’m just waiting for the opportunity to try it! I also recently made the decision to take all of my non-salary income (from acting work and freelancing with an event planning company) and put it towards my debt, so I’ll be able to be at parties guilt-free.

Why is it important not to view UAC’s as bad or wrong? Once you find your UAC, you can recognize what’s “wrong” and start to make it “right.” Without realizing that I’m not willing to sacrifice my social life for my credit card debt, I would have just kept digging myself into the same hole I’ve been digging myself into all these months. When I did recognize my UAC, I started thinking of other ways to accomplish my goal of paying off my debt.

Why is knowledge of an UAC helpful in making constructive choices? Because you’re aware of how you usually act - and how your usual actions don’t lead to successful decisions. Once you know your UAC, you’re able to figure out whether you want to change your perspective, or “embrace it” and figure out how to succeed around it.

This was such a great class! Why, you ask? Because I got to be the coach! And while I was scared to jump in there, once I did I remembered why I’m spending all this time, energy and money - to learn to be a life coach, and to help people get to where they want to go. I coached a fellow student who posed as her actual client, who seems to be a miserable woman who wants her job, her husband, and her kids to just spontaneously combust (or, at the least, just go away). Angela, the instructor, actually interrupted in the middle to guide both myself and the “client”. At the end, she said that it was the most difficult coaching session that she’s been witness to in a class setting!

Her feedback, though, was fantastic. I’m always wary that coaches are only going to tell you what you did right, and I really wanted to hear what I could do better (although I don’t mind hearing what I did right, either). Angela helped me see how I was focusing on how the client is a victim and not what she could be doing to move the situation along. I also really have to be aware of not putting words in the clients mouth (ie “You sound very resentful towards your husband”) but to make them come up with the answer themselves (ie “When your husband doesn’t help you with the chores, how does that make you feel?”). I also confirmed the feeling I’ve been having that it would be difficult for me to withhold advice - especially when the client likes to answer questions with “I don’t know” over and over. I feel bad for my fellow student who actually has to deal with this real woman tonight!

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Today I’m thankful for tacos. Mmm mmm, I love me some tacos.

I hate writing how many sessions I’ve had with my Peer Coach because it reminds me how little I have left! It’s gotten to the point where Joanne and I always go over our time, talking about coaching or ICA or even our personal lives. I’m so glad that Joanne reached out to me when I put myself out there as a Peer Client, because I feel like I found a friend and mentor as well as an amazing coach!

I was actually at a loss today as to what I wanted to work on, since I had so many wins to report! The biggest was that I got cast in a show, where I’m the only woman in a cast of 4 and I play 4 parts. I’m so, so excited about it even though it’s going to take over my life! The second biggest (although it doesn’t feel like it - OK the Also Biggest) was that I came up with my coaching name and bought my url - what a weight off! Joanne was right when she said to pay attention to the name that you keep coming back to, and this name was one of the first (or the first) that I came up with when I started brainstorming. So - drumroll please - my coaching business is called….

When I Grow Up

whenigrowupcoach.com

 I get so excited when I see it - it really encompasses everything I wanted to express, and it excites me into thinking of everyone I’ll help figure out who they want to be when they grow up.

I think, though, that what I’ll need during my last two sessions with Joanne (tear) is a plan of attack for when my life blows up - aka 16-Hour-Days-5-Days-A-Week-Plus-Moving-Plus-5-Hours-Of-Rehearsals-On-Weekends. It’s really the only drawback to getting this show, and I know it’s going to be very difficult for me to handle without getting (a) sick (b) stressed and (c) bitchy. Not fun.

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I’m grateful today for being able to take my time. Knowing that my free time won’t really be my own for the next two months lets me really milk it for all that it’s worth!

REFLECTION AND APPLICATION
1. Pretend you’re the first coach on the planet. This way, you don’t have a Perspective of trying to get it right! You’re simply looking for what works best. Write down one to four objectives for your trial session. What do you want to achieve by the end of the session? What is an outcome you want? What is an outcome your prospective client might want?.
* I want to explain what coaching is and answer any questions about it.
* I want to explain how a coaching session works and answer any questions about it.
* I want to explain what the prospective client can expect from me, and what I expect from my clients.
* If I feel that I’d be the best coach for them, I’d like to ask for the privilege to be their coach.
* I want to coach them with a small obstacle that they’re looking to overcome.

What do you want to achieve by the end of the session? I want them to see the value in coaching, be enthused that it’s what will work for them, and feel that I’m the best coach for their needs.

What is an outcome that you want?  I want them to be excited about working with me, get our sessions on the books, and come to an agreement about payment.

What is an outcome that your prospective client might want? I think that a prospective client is going to want all of their questions answered, see coaching in action, feel enthused about moving ahead, and be sure that I’m the right coach for them. Is that 4 outcomes?

2. Now quickly check for Alignment. Could you comfortably share these objectives with your prospective client? If not, revise them. Yes. There’s nothing that I wouldn’t feel comfortable sharing.

REFLECTION AND APPLICATION
1. Write ten probing questions you could use when searching for the goal, or dream, that excites and inspires the client. ( “What is one thing you would love to change in your life?”) Select your top three questions to practice regularly.
Top Three:
* If money was not an option, what would you do with your life?
* What do you want to accomplish in five years? One Year? Three months?
* Are you willing to accept not achieving these goals?

Remaining Seven:
* What works for you?
* What would you like to leave with after your coaching sessions are complete?
* What are your top three priorities?
* What’s missing in your life?
* What is one thing that causes you stress and anxiety?
* What do you always look forward to doing?
* What is your top priority now?

2. List five major concerns or objections you expect people may have about setting up ongoing coaching. Create a honest response which will Enthuse your prospective client.
* Client: “I’m not able to afford this right now.” Coach: “If you’re excited about the opportunity to be coached, and you feel that I’m the best coach for you, I would be happy to work something out so that the opportunity to achieve your goals would not be out of your reach.”

* Client: “I’m not able to commit to this much time.” Coach: “If you don’t think you can devote an uninterrupted hour each week for a phone call, along with the action items that you commit to achieve week-to-week, then you’re right - this might not be the right time to start coaching. However, you’d be surprised at how well coaching works via phone, email, or face-to-face. That way, we can work around your time constraints. One of the things that I specialize in is work/life balance and time management, so I might be able to help you out so that you don’t feel so overwhelmed with your commitments.”

* Client: “I don’t think that I can change.” Coach: “I know that this can seem quite overwhelming and out of reach, and the thought of seeing things from a different perspective and changing how you approach situations can be very scary. But that’s why I’m here! I’ve been trained to question you so you can see the best way to do things for yourself, as well as brainstorm with you, empower you, and be your cheerleader. You’re not in this alone!”

* Client:”I have a great support system already. I don’t think that I need a coach for help.” Coach: “That’s great that you have friends and family that you can turn to when you need help and support. But there must be a reason that you’re looking for a coach. Does your support system always have time to speak to you about your goals and challenges? Do they try to help you figure out what’s right for you, withhold judgment and not put their own opinions onto you? If they do, then you’re right - you might not need a coach! But if you want someone who will offer new perspectives, ask you questions and brainstorm with you until you figure out the path that is right for you, as well as someone who helps you plan your future, encourages you, and holds you accountable - then you might want to reconsider finding a coach.”

* “I have so much to work on, it’s just too stressful to think about starting.” Coach: “Often people will start coaching with me because they have many goals that they want to achieve, and I know that it can be very overwhelming! But I’ve been trained to help you figure out what your top priority is right now, and what the best way for you to get there. I can also help you map out how your other goals rate on the priority scale, and show you how to focus on reaching each and every one on your own time. You are obviously seeking out a coach for a reason, and one of those reasons might be to finally start achieving one of these goals! I’ll make sure that we go at your pace and achieve as much or as little as you’d like from week to week.”

DISCUSSION
1. What do you believe coaching is? I believe that coaching is a way for someone to get un-stuck, become focused on their goals (or discover what those goals are), receive support and encouragement,  become an optimist, and be accountable for their future.

2. What would you say to someone who asked you what coaching is? Coaching is a way to discover what you want, focus on those goals, and get a new perspective as to how to reach them. Your coach will encourage you, brainstorm with you, hold you accountable for your actions in relation to the goal, and challenge you to see things in a new perspective. A great coach will give you the tools you need to approach your life decisions in direct relation to your objectives, and you’ll be able to eventually reach those decisions on your own.

3. What are the major differences between coaching and other disciplines? Therapy focuses solely on the past, and how to overcome it in order to become a functional person. A consultant is an expert, who comes in to tell you how to “fix” your situation and then leaves. A mentor takes you under their wing and often gives advice based on their own experience. A coach, however, focuses only on the present and how it relates to the future. She knows that only the client is an expert on what is best for them, and does not bestow any guidance. Rather, the coach examines the situation, creates a plan of action, and works side by side with the client to create a solution using the client’s knowledge and answers. A coach takes a functional person and helps to make them an extraordinary person.

REFLECTION AND APPLICATION
Write down the principles you believe are fundamental to helping a human being move forward in life.
* Being non-judgmental
* Listening 80% of the time and talking 20% of the time
* Ensuring that you understand what is being expressed (aka “you know what happens when you assume”)
* Questioning
* Suspending advice giving
* Being supportive
* Offering words of encouragement
* Focusing on the positive
* Challenging the way that they see/do things
* Allowing them to discover & focus on their goals

REFLECTION AND APPLICATION
1. What do you understand to be an “ideal coach”?
* Someone who is committed to living an extraordinary life and ensuring that their clients do the same
* Someone who is reliable, not only to be there when needed but to speak to their clients openly and truthfully
* Someone whose actions are aligned with what they say are important to them
* Someone who is coachable themselves - who get excited to see things in a different light and value the feedback and ideas they receive from their clients.
* Someone who is generous with others and themselves.
* Someone who is compassionate towards themselves and others
* Someone who enthuses those around them by living a full, satisfying life.

2. Can you see where you display these qualities in your own life? Yes. I feel that I display most of these characteristics - or at least try to! I also feel that a genuine interest in people, strong communication skills, a large degree of selflessness, excellent listening abilities, and a sense of humor will help complete the formula for an ideal coach.

3. Are there areas where these qualities are missing? Yes, because some of these are very lofty ideals! I know that I’m considered a reliable person (by most people), and I like to think that I’m generous, compassionate, and vivacious. I know that I am coachable, and now that I know what’s important to me I try my best to live my life by those priorities. I know what it will be tough for me to listen more than talk, and to keep my opinions and advice to myself.

4. What would your life be like if you were to become “an ideal coach”? It would be ideal! I would love to think that I’m an ideal coach that can help my clients achieve their goals and inspire them to talk about coaching to others.

This class was neat because everyone shared their stories of why they want to be a coach. It was nice to reiterate my story, because it keeps driving home why I’m here and what I’m looking to accomplish. Based on another students words, I also solidified my business name (I’ll finally stop torturing you, Joanne!) and am really excited about it. Until I buy the url, though it’s my little secret (can you tell I’m a New Yorker and slightly distrustful by nature?). It’s obvious what a good coach Ton is, because after everyone’s story he told them why their particular strengths were going to help them be a good coach (mine was acting).

Well, I guess this entry was short and sweet today. I’m going to go out and enjoy the weird 65 degree weather that we’re having in NYC now. Whoever sys global warming doesn’t exist should come to New York stat and then see if they can say that again.

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Today I am grateful for my ever-supporting boyfriend, who lets me pursue my dreams without a selfish bone in his body.

REFLECTION AND APPLICATION
1. What would you like to do for people? I want to help my clients:
* discover what it would take to live a passionate, successful, healthy, vivacious life
* release burdensome values, goals, & priorities that might have come from other sources
* recognize - and listen to - the voice in their head that’s pointing them on their own unique path
* give them the tools to create and maintain the life they’re looking to lead

What gifts do you have to offer, as a coach, that can make people become empowered? With a combination of excellent communication skills, great social skills, a killer sense of humor & always maintaining a sense of fun, I know that I can be a wonderful coach! I also have a genuine interest in people, natural abilities as a listener, and the passion to empower people to live the life that’s right for the.

2. Why are you a coach? What is the drive behind coaching for you to make things happen for people? Growing up, the only thing I ever considered doing as my career was musical theatre. I came to NYC, went to NYU, and pounded the pavement for 8 years thereafter. But I got older, and my priorities changed, and I hated going to brain-numbing day jobs and I hated wasting days at auditions. But what else could I do with my life? I as focused on my Big Broadway Dreams for 20 years, and letting it go as the Big Goal Of My Life - and trying to figure out what else I could possibly be passionate about - was a tumultous, heart-wrenching time. I would be honored and thrilled to make that journey easier and a more positive experience for others.

REFLECTION AND APPLICATION
1. Name three specific goals you would like to achieve in your coaching practice by the end of six months. By April 2007, I would like to:
* Choose a business name, buy the domain, and print business cards.
* Complete the Welcome Pack and incorporate my name, logo, and tagline throughout
* Have 1-2 Peer Clients and start telling people what you do (and welcome those that will pay you!)
What business structure do you want to have in place?

How many clients do you want to coach? 1-2 Peer Clients
What revenue target are you aiming for? $100/session for paying clients
When do you want to graduate from International Coach Academy? Be specific in your answers. Dec 2008
2. Write down the ideas that come to mind. Or print out the answers to the above questions. Put it somewhere where you can think about it regularly and continue to add more ideas. Take action by writing down a target date you are committed to finish the ICAProgram.

3. What will be your three-month milestone? Jan 1, 2008
4. What are your three biggest barriers or fears around becoming a coach?
* I won’t know what to say/do when I’m having a session with a client
* I won’t be able to withhold “leading” them / giving them advice
* I won’t be perfect (damn perfectionism!)
How about building a successful practice?
* I won’t have any clients
* I won’t get the money I’m asking for
* I won’t be able to support myself
Bring these up with your coach in the first two weeks of class so you can be clear about it yourself and get the support and help you need.

5. What are your top three objectives in building a successful practice? Post your answer on the discussion board.
* To have it be my main source of income (& a lucrative one at that!)
* To be an expert in my field
* To coach clients one-one-one as well as conducting successful workshops

DISCUSSION
1. Describe your “doubt loop.” I’m very nervous about “not having enough training” and “not knowing what I’m doing” - and getting on the phone with a client and just being utterly lost. So I keep putting it off and telling prospective clients that I’ll let them know when I’m “ready.” But when the heck will that be?
2. How will you break the cycle and begin to feel confident about coaching?
* I’ll take the BoC Classes and bring my questions
* I’ll continue to talk to Joann about my fears and role play with her
* I’ll post ad ad (or answer one) on the Discussion Board by Jan 1 ‘08 to get a Peer Client

DISCUSSION
List three ways in which you could reduce your rate to an attractive level for your client to be willing to pay for your coaching.
* Offering 50% off if they refer 5 people
* Offering 25 off it they write a testimonial
* Offering to coach them for 50% off the first month, 25% off the second month, and full price for the third month
* will take 25% off the 3rd month if they submit a testimonial
* will take 50% off the 3rd month for a testimonial + 5 referrals

REFLECTION AND APPLICATION
Create your practice design worksheet. Describe how your practice is structured, how you coach, and anything else that is relevant to running your business.
* Logistics:
* 45 minute sessions, 3 or 4 sessions/wk at the client’s discretion
* all sessions via phone unless otherwise specified
* all clients must give me 24 hours notice and I will attempt to reschedule for the same week. If we can’t come to a mutually beneficial time, an extra week will be added on after the last week. If they are less than 15 minutes late to a call, the call ends at the same time. If they are more than 15 minutes late/no show to a call, then there is no refund or make-up
* holidays will be known and rescheduled when client agreement is signed
* Payment
* By PayPal or personal check (must clear prior to starting)
* One on one: 12 sessions minimum @ 45 minutes/session
* Paid at beginning of every month: $100/session
* Pay for six sessions in advance: 10% discount ($540)
* Pay for all 12 sessions in advance: 20% discount ($1060)
* same discount applies no matter how many sessions you buy in advance
* Group sessions by phone: 12 sessions minimum @ 45 minutes/session
* 2 people: $75/session each (same discount applies as above, but at 5% and 10%)
* 4 people: $60/session each (same discount applies as above, but at 5% and 10%)
* Workshops by phone: 8 sessions @ 75 minutes/session
* $80/session (same discount applies at 5% and 10%)
* Group sessions face-to-face (seminars): 8 sessions @ 75 min/session
* $70/session, no discount
* payment due at beginning of session
* “Quick fix”
* $200, no discount, due up front
* 1 intake form to be filled out by the client
* 1 45 minute call
* 1 personalized Power Tools pack
* development exercises
* recommended books
* 1 book
* coupon for future sessions (20% discount or 1 free 45 min private session via phone)
* Email sessions
* only for established clients
* 6 back-and-forth “conversations”
* includes all the Quick Fix has minus the book
* $150
* Standards & Boundaries
* I must give my client 24 hours notice
* will reschedule for same week or add it on at the end
* less than 24 hours will result in a free 45 minute session
* from me, my clients will expect:
* a partner
* a supporter
* judgment-free feedback
* expert listening
* punctuality
* an enthusiastic attitude
* preparedness
* from my clients, I expect
* for them to know what needs to be addressed that week
* for them to do their homework
* for them to be punctual
* for them to be prepared
* for them to be receptive
* call/email
* clients can expect a call/email within 24 hours from me
* anything that takes more than 15 minutes will be charged a pro-rated fee
* clients can expect to leave a voicemail after 9pm
* email OK anytime

REFLECTION AND APPLICATION
Create a list of standards you will uphold in your business. This could be included in your welcome packet for both you and your clients to agree upon.
* I must give my client 24 hours notice if I need to cancel a session
* will reschedule for same week or add it on at the end
* less than 24 hours will result in a free 45 minute session
* Clients can expect a call/email within 24 hours from me
* anything that takes more than 15 minutes will be charged a pro-rated fee
* My clients will expect:
* a partner
* a supporter
* judgment-free feedback
* expert listening
* punctuality
* an enthusiastic attitude
* preparedness

To answer the question, “what do you do?” create a 10-second elevator speech that will enthuse your prospect to say, “tell me more about coaching!”
“I help people discover what they want for the future, and carve their own path to reach their goals.”

I’ll be honest - this was the first class I’ve taken where I’ve been like, “WTF? That’s ridiculous.”

We spent the whole class talking about a coaching method that relies on the coach to alternatively & repeatedly ask the client “What’s favorable about that?” or “What’s unfavorable about that?” I was the client in this exercise, and I just hated this! It forced me to come up with an answer - any answer - to the question, even if it wasn’t honest. I felt that it also halted any real breakthroughs because when I had an eye-opening moment I was led to move away from it. I have no idea what this has to do with UACs at all.

What I did take away from this class is that a study proved that the best coaching sessions happen when the coach speaks 2% of the time. 2%! That seems a bit ridiculous, but it really hit home for me what a large part listening plays in being a great coach. Angela also remarked that “coaching is only hard when the coach gets in the way.” I can definitely see myself getting in the way, putting pressure on myself to say the “perfect” things and ask the “perfect” questions. But if you focus on powerful listening and nothing else, you’re mostly there.

*

I’m grateful today for the offer I received to do a musical comedy here in NYC, where I do what I do best - play multiple characters - and get to be a leading role. I’ve spent so much time in the chorus, where multiple characters live, that this will be a big challenge for me as well as an opportunity for exposure. Here’s where my work/life balance techniques kick in!

Reflection & Application
1. Make a list of all the things you listen for as a coach:
* What the client says
* What the client doesn’t say
* How the client is saying it / tone
*  What feelings & emotions are being expressed
* What feelings & emotions are being withheld
* If / what symptoms are being expressed
* If / what symptoms are being withheld
* Blame
* What excites the client
* What the client is committed to
* Verbal patterns (ie repeated words)
* What would fulfill the client’s inspiration
* What would get in the way of the client’s goal
* Silences
* Change in subject
* Avoidance of questions

2. In you opinion, what are the top 5 things a coach listens for?
*  What the client doesn’t say
*  Tone
*  What excites the client
*  What feelings and emotions are being expressed / withheld
*  What would get in the way of the client’s goal

I can’t believe I only have 2 more sessions left with Joanne! She has been such a great big positive in my life and every time I get off the phone with her I feel excited and motivated - even when I’m a bit sad, like I am now.

I wanted to address my financial problems a bit, because even though I spend so much time tracking and planning and budgeting I don’t end up with the cushion I want at the end of the month to put towards my debt/savings. I do pay the minimums always, so my credit is still good, but I want to pay off way more than that. I want to see that number go down until it just disappears.

But even though I spend all this time, and feel so committed, my social life nips it in the bud. I said to Joanne, “”I’m not willing to sacrifice my social life for money”, and when she read it back to me I knew that’s what gets me - the food, the booze, the parties in Brooklyn where I take a cab home. That’s where my debt and my savings are going. But at the same time, I will never choose staying home over meeting with friends. And friendships in NYC revolve around booze and food, and I don’t see how I can change that (I’m not one of those “let’s go to spin class together!” friends. Besides, you can’t talk and catch up over spin class!).

But what really hit home for me, and made me sad, is when Joanne said, “Do you think that you’re punishing yourself for getting yourself into this situation?” Yes yes yes. God, yes. Nobody else is telling me that all this debt makes me a bad person, or I have to stay inside for the rest of my life and eat Ramen to make up for it. I’m the one making myself feel guilty. I’m the one taking hours out of every week to track, and balance, and plan for…..something I end up screwing up. I need to commend myself a bit on the fact that I’m not getting into debt further - I’m not using any of my credit cards at all right now. So even though it’s going to take a while to dig out, I need to be OK with that because it’s not going to get much bigger.

*

Today I’m grateful for a writer of a show that I did almost 7 years ago remembering me, reaching out to me, and bringing me in to an audition today. I like to remind myself how much fun it is to act and sing, and that I’m good at it, and that I’ve come to peace with it not being what my life and value and being revolves around.

I took this class on Saturday afternoon, but didn’t have time to blog afterwards - I had to run and have the back of my head star on Saturday Night Live with Bon Jovi! This is the fourth time I’ve worked on SNL (although I’ve only be shown on camera for one episode) , and it never ceases to be exciting. Part of the reason I want to be a coach is for the flexible schedule, so I can keep a hand (or a finger, or however large or small a body part I want to put in the mix) in the acting world. I just can’t bear to give it up completely.
But anyway, back to class. I hated that this was the first time I was able to take Intro to Coaching - almost two months after I started classes. While I thought the majority of the class was still interesting and applicable, I had trouble concentrating when we started discussing things that I’ve already learned.

The major thing for me here, though, was Ton driving home the fact coaching is about educating the client. While I knew that a coach should not be compared to a consultant or a therapist, I never really thought of them as a teacher. Actually, though, once the coach finds out what makes a problem a problem, they then teach the client what their learning style is. Once a client’s eyes are opened as to how they learn best, the coach can then show them how they can best overcome an obstacle and the client can thereafter rely on themselves to best address a situation. I never really thought of coaching like that, or approaching life like that even. But why wouldn’t you, as an adult, figure out how you tackle life’s challenges and see if it’s conducive to how you best learn? It just makes a lot of sense.

I know that, for me, the big struggle is going to be to take myself out of the equation, and instead focus on questioning the client. What road do they want to take? What do they think is the next step? I’ll probably end up making a cheat sheet that I have next to me on all calls, that simply says:

* Power Listen

* Paraphrase

* Questions

* Non judgemental

I think just keeping those small things in the front of my mind would make a big difference.

*

I feel grateful today for wonderful friends and gorgeous fall days that exist just to pick apples.

OK, OK, I learned my lesson. I learned my lesson, OK! I will now always take Part 1 before Part 2. However much it works with my schedule, however much I tell myself it doesn’t matter - it does. AND I will ALWAYS read the module before class. I’ve been so lax/forgetful with that, and I know that if I DID read the module before taking Power Listening Part 2 on Saturday I would have felt much better about the class.

Jim was great today, and addressed all of my questions and concerns about Power Listening: how to be a Power Listener, how to take notes & power listen simultaneously (jot your note quick and then continue to listen; or just be the best listener your client has ever met and let go of the fear of having to “prove yourself” - often just listening is enough). I know that I walked away from this class with the tools of how to both effectively, powerfully listen as well as how to show that I’m listening. The hardest part for me is twofold: to not be worried about what I’m going to say/not allow myself to jump in, and to allow the silence to be OK (they suggest you wait ten seconds when the client has stopped speaking to speak again, but that seems excessive!).  I focused on this when I was doing sales but never really got it.  I think that’s really difficult for extroverts that always want to be the center of attention!

The UACs still allude me a little but. Even after reading the module, I’m not quite clear as to how to find them and exactly what it accomplishes.  I’m going to ask Joanne if we can focus on this over the next week or two to help find my UACs, and that might shed some light on it for me. I think that a UAC that I know I have has to do with my spending. I’m so motivated to pay off my debt and save money, but when push comes to shove I find it extremely difficult to live within my budget and….well….don’t. I know that the UAC that I have that underlies this goal is that I don’t want my social life to suffer. If I don’t have class or prior plans, it’s extremely difficult for me to pass up that Happy Hour, or that party, or that day apple picking, to keep $40 in my pocket. I’m not sure how to get myself pass that hump.

Hmmmmm…..maybe I do know what a UAC is after all!

Today I am grateful for my life. I was walking home from the subway today at that perfect time of day - what do filmmakers call it again? - where your surroundings are crisp and clear and in focus, and the lighting is just perfect. And I took a deep breath since it finally feels like fall, and I thought, “Hey, this isn’t a bad way to live.” To be in NYC, to be in love, to be in a good job and pursuing my passion, to have my health and an amazing group of friends and family, it’s what the word “grateful” is all abut.

OK, I’m officially driving myself crazy.

Joanne really helped spark some ideas for what to name my business, and left me with an idea to read reviews of hit Broadway shows to see what phrases are often used. Great idea - especially after my top name, Standing Ovation Coaching, was already taken. I wanted something that is theater-related but that everyone knows, so I can give a throwback to my acting life while attracting creative clients (and not alienating non-creative types). So, I’ve read through the hits that are currently on Broadway and came up with………..nothing exciting. Star Power. Stage Presence. Round of Applause. Applause Coaching? Nah, too blah.

I thought that Growing Up Coaching was “it”, but then when I wrote it and read it it looked like “Growing Up Brady” or “growing up Jewish.” That’s not what I wanted to convey! So I went back to “When I Grow Up Coaching” - same thing! So now do I try coming up with a whole new name or do I drop the “Coaching” from the title (ie Growing Up - A Life Coaching Business)?

All of the names I really liked were taken, like Gold Star Coaching and Leaps & Bounds Coaching. I came across Flying Colors Coaching, and that was perfect! Why can’t I get the perfect name? Something playful but not flippant; inspiring but not hippy-dippy; something that conveys MY MISSION STATEMENT:

I want to help my clients:
* discover what it would take to live a passionate, successful, healthy, vivacious life
* release burdensome values, goals, & priorities that might have come from other sources
* recognize - and listen to - the voice in their head that’s pointing them on their own unique path
* give them the tools to create and maintain the life they’re looking to lead

Ugh, it’s too frustrating?! If anyone out there reads this blog (not including you, Joanne) and has an opinion please let me know!

OK, calming down and moving on…..

I had a bit of an epiphany today (I do love that word, Joanne! Although Epiphany Coaching feels too religious to me) when telling Joanne about a time this weekend that I was very assertive in ensuring that I got what I want. I spoke up for myself and held my ground, and I didn’t realize at the time that I didn’t care what anyone thought of me - only that I not get taken advantage of. But what I now noticed is that, even while I might have displayed an “unlikeable” part of myself, I got the respect of someone there and I think she liked me more for it! I never really thought that some people would walk away from a situation with a better perception of you if you stand up for what you believe and not let anyone else knock you down - especially if they’re too shy to speak for themselves!

Today I am grateful for  being approved for the second apartment I saw, and not having to live through the horror of trying to find a new home!

I don’t know, I just wasn’t into class today. While Ton spoke about why power listening is important, and how it helps us as coaches, there was nothing concrete there for me.  I mean, how do you “power listen”? It’s obviously being able to listen attentively, and have it spark something for you as a coach, but it’s just not clear to me how you can go from a listening civilian to a listening expert. How can you effectively listen, write notes, and not lose your thoughts about how to address what your client is saying?

Meanwhile, we did go over another student’s dilemma of what to do or say when you have a client that is making decisions that you do not agree with. Obviously, if these decisions are of a criminal or abusive nature, then something must be said. However, even though you as a person might not make that decision, you must not force your ethics on someone else. Honestly, this whole conversation was very drawn out and I felt like the same points were being driven home repeatedly, so I eventually tuned out a bit - which I guess is fairly ironic in a Power Listening class.

I guess this is something to bring up when I take Power Listening 1 (I hate taking classes out of order!) on Wednesday night.

I’m grateful today for finding an apartment that we love. Cross fingers for us!

I coached Joanne and didn’t suck!

We spent most of our session today talking about the business side of coaching (client software, websites, business names, etc) and then I finally owned up to being very cowardly about taking on clients. I told her how I was afraid that I will put it off forever just by thinking of something else that I “need” to have ready, or that I can infinitely say that I “need” more classes.  I know that this goes back to my perfectionist streak, where I don’t even want to start something unless I know that I’ll be perfect at it. And while I’m thinking of it, it’s been a long time since I tried something new and was unsure of being less than good. I can’t keep putting this pressure on myself, and I know that I can lift the burden just by telling myself that it’s OK not to “be perfect”. I’ll still be helpful and good and nice and loveable if I’m not perfect.

But Joanne also made me stop beating myself up over trying to let go too much. I need to figure out where my comfort zone is, and know that it’s OK to stay there. What do I really need in order to take on my first client? Do I need a website? Do I need business cards? Do I need a welcome packet? Here’s what I need before I feel comfortable taking on my first client:

* a business name

* a registered web site (maybe with an Under Construction page that lists my contact info?)

* a thorough Welcome Pack

Here’s what I need when I start looking out of my immediate network for clients:

* a functioning website

* business cards

* a blog

* a business logo

So, there’s my list. I think that, with the stress of moving into a new apartment fast approaching, I’m going to give myself a Due Date of Jan 1, 2007 for  my first list to be done. Part of me thinks that’s too late, but if I push it up to Dec 1 it conflicts with my move, so I know that’s not realistic. On Jan 1, I’ll put a post on the ICA discussion board to seek my first Peer Client. I don’t think I’ll be ready for a paying client yet, but a peer one I can handle.

I also think that I should volunteer to be the coach in class as well. It used to scare the daylights out of me, but since Joanne was so awesome in just saying, “Coach me right now” (especially 10 minutes after our call was supposed to end) that I just went for it. I feel very comfortable with Joanne and it was a no pressure situation, so it really helped me ease into things.  I know that my big challenge as a coach will be not to offer advice, and when I found myself about to do that I would say, “How would Joanne phrase this?” That really helped me go about paraphrasing what I heard, and asking questions as opposed to offering different solutions. It was tough, however, to keep track of what popped into my head while she was speaking. I was taking notes on what she said, but then lost what I wanted to bring up. Maybe that was OK, though, since I would have had to of tuned her out for a few moments to jot down my ideas. And I’m not here to give her my ideas - I’m here to help her figure out her own! Anyway, I believe her when she said that I really helped her, and it feels great!

Today I’m very appreciative of the new attitude I feel I have towards my life, my time, and my goals.I realized today that it no longer makes me tired to think, “I have to go to work, I have class, I’m trying to start my coaching business, I’m writing a cabaret show for myself, I still hang with my friends, I’m in a committed relationship….” because it’s all things that I’m doing on my own time and my own terms. It’s really energizing and I’m excited to keep growing in this new way.

I’m feeling so much more secure in starting my business. While I got a lot out of class with Jim tonight, I felt most inspired by what Brandy, a student, had to say while describing how she got her first client. She sounds very similar to me in the fact that her mindset was very focused on getting the business side of things done before taking on a client (ie “I can’t take on a client until my Welcome Pack is done, and then I need my business cards, and then I need my website….”), but when one appeared she just went for it! She said that it’s amazing how quickly all the loose ends get wrapped up when someone is waiting on the other end of the line for you.

She also mentioned that she went on the ICA message board and found a Peer Coach to help her figure out what she has to offer clients, and how the sessions will go, etc. Another classmate mentioned that she found a Peer Coach to help build her self-esteem so she can learn the value that she personally will give as a coach. I think that my challenge is multi-faceted, since I’m (a) very good with putting off getting clients until I have a business name/welcome packet/Peer Coach clients/a pony, (b) constantly psyching myself out with thoughts of “I don’t know what I’m doing” and (c) feeling that only someone with almost magical powers can be a coach. I think it’s because my Peer Coach sessions with Joanne are going so well that I feel like a coach is someone who has all the answers (you’re good, Joanne!). I definitely don’t see myself as someone that has those answers! Therefore, I can’t start coaching.

So, I’m going to get over that. When I’m done with my Peer Coaching sessions in another 5 weeks (I know it sounds like another excuse, but I want to selfishly focus on myself right now), I’ll find a business minded Peer Coached to help me with the physical and mental tasks of establishing myself and my business. I’ll then have someone that holds me accountable, and it coincides with all those parts of me that just wants to plan everything to death before I jump in. I really want to jump in but something is definitely holding me back. Yeah, I think the main part of it is that I don’t feel qualified yet. I say to my friends, “When I have more classes under my belt I’ll be happy to coach you.” What hit home for me today is that I can only learn so much via books and classes - I need to actually coach.

Today I feel grateful for my audit being over with. The IRS can suck it.