Peer Coach - Session 5

The last ICA/coaching class I had was my Peer Coach session last week, so it was nice to get back into the groove after a week of Jew stuff/weddings. Joanne left me with such wonderful things to say about my work ethic and attitude, so I’m feeling pretty good right now. Even though I can feel the progress that I’m making, and it’s affecting me every day, it’s still nice for someone else to recognize it. Especially since it’s something not easily recognizable! I mean, Luke isn’t going to say to me, “Hey babe, did you tell anyone No today?”

But she did leave me with a scary action which I accepted simply because it’s as empowering as it is scary. I have to draft an email to my cousin, asking her why she invited me family to her wedding after not speaking to us for 10 years. Joanne made me see the best and worst case scenario, and said that the outcome of going to this wedding would shape whether or not it would be a good scenario for me. Will I be shunned? Will I be welcome with open arms? Shunned = bad times; Open Arms = good times and a possible relationship with a family member that I really liked (at least 10 years ago). In my past life, I would have given in to my mother’s guilt and just went, being anxious about how we would be received and why we were there, and being upset to give up my personal time and energy for something that I wasn’t looking forward to.

In talking and listening to Joanne, I thought, “Why can’t I just figure this out before I go? Why can’t I do what I want her to do for me - write an email and see how I’m doing, what I’m up to, and to tell me that she wants to see me? If I send her an email, I think I’ll know the outcome of the wedding based on the response. She’ll either be happy that I reached out to her and offer those words of encouragement, or she’ll write back halfheartedly, if she writes back at all. Either way, it’ll help me sleep better when I reach my decision.”

I used to be a 10 year old girl who would always, always, always tell a friend when she hurt my feelings. Now I’m an “adult” who avoids confrontation and just wants to support everyone (sometimes instead of myself). I want to find the balance and be able to take the driver’s seat again. And this scary, empowering challenge will help me do just that.