It’s a lightning bolt moment! I think that Joanne really helped me figure out a way to get the burden off of my shoulders and help me not feel so freakin’ buried all of the time: a Brilliant Ideas book.

In talking about my “flakiness” - aka starting a ton of projects that I don’t finish (and then get on my To Do List for years to follow),  having 7 jobs in 4 years, etc - a key sentence came out of my mouth:

“I’m enthusiastic about the idea, but not the execution.”

I realized that I’ve spent countless hours researching, and building, and preparing, only to let projects go because they get stale, or I don’t have time, or it’s too much work. So much time, effort, and energy goes into nothing! So Joanne suggest that I start a book, or have an Inbox, that houses all of my ideas where they can stay, well, ideas. And then I can only look at them when I’m itching to start something new, and I can tackle them one at a time so it doesn’t get overwhelming.

“Name your book something empowering. Something descriptive.” I laughed and said “Brilliant Ideas!” I’m so excited to have a place to scribble what I’d like to happen someday - not what needs to happen now. In talking with Joanne, I realized that it might be worthwhile to write my idea on the To Do List and date it. If it doesn’t get done within a month, it gets put in the Brilliant Ideas book. That way, it’ll (a) show me if something is urgent or really important and (b) might put my butt into gear to do the small things just so they don’t have to go in the book! It’ll also make my To Do List a real To Do List, full of things that actually have to get done - not of things that I’d like to do.

Joanne didn’t ask me to do this, but I’m excited to see what happens if I replace the word “must” in my 10 Unwritten Rules with “prefer.”  What will it show me about how much of these rules come from within me, or frm within others that influence me? Here they are again:

Unwritten Rules I Live By, by Michelle

1. I prefer to be liked by everyone I meet, everywhere I go. As Joanne says, “Doesn’t everyone?” This definitely comes from within me, the actress part probably. I like being the one that stands out, whether it’s by my actions or my clothes or my sense of humor. I’m learning little by little that if someone isn’t friendly or including of me (which happens often in my job, where I’m “the new girl”), not to take it personally. Part of me is a bit relieved because I don’t feel like I have time for new friends!

2. I prefer to be “busy” as long as I’m awake. That’s definitely true. I have also, thankfully, learned to appreciate the art of “doing nothing” (aka reading, taking a bath, watching TV or a DVD) - just not every day. I’d like to, though!
3. I prefer to not do just one task at a time. Life is too short to just watch my favorite TV show! See above.

4. I prefer to be everyone’s friend who wants to be my friend, even if they don’t bring value to my life. No way! Why would I want that? Who singled me out as be-nice/have-pity-on-everyone-girl? I don’t want to be that girl anymore!

5. I prefer to never fail big. Little failures are acceptable if you make excuses for them. That excuses part sucks. I don’t want to make excuses any more. I don’t like failing big, though. It doesn’t feel good.
6. I prefer to be perfect. I guess this one has a lot of truth in it, too. I do want to be perfect at everything I do, and I need to learn to accept that I’m not going to perfect - or sometimes even good - at everything. Or most things! And that has to be OK.

7. I prefer to be very successful. Yes, please, I’d like a big super-gulp cup of “very successful.” That would be great. “Very successful” means having a wonderful family, unconditional love and support, respect and admiration of your peers/colleagues/friends, amazing friendships, a thriving career that you love, and so much money that you never have to worry about paying for anything. Ever.

8. I prefer to meet and exceed everyone’s expectations of me, especially my own. I hate feeling like I let someone down. To be honest, I’m used to having people have high expectations of me (let’s just say that I know how to interview), and when I don’t meet them I feel very ashamed and embarrassed. Like I lied to their face. It’s not a place that I ever want to be.

9. I prefer to be “on” all of the time. Not all of the time - that’s exhausting. I want to get to a point where I’m not “on” or “off” - I’m just me. But I feel like most people don’t know “me” - they know the people pleaser.

10. I prefer to be dependable, on time, and available when someone needs me. I do, to all of these points. A complete truth!

Today I’m grateful for the upcoming time I’m going to be able to spend with my family and my boyfriend. Even though I hate traveling (not the part where I’m in a new place-  the part where I have to pack my bags and get there), I love that I’m going to be able to go to temple with my family this week, and then go to FL for a long weekend with my boyfriend and his close friends. I’m looking forward to getting away and being with those that I love.