I’m chipping at the surface (I think). I completed my challenge last week not once but twice (once by taking an hour long bath with me, my book, and some bubbles; twice by spending a whole day with my best friends and not coming home at 10pm and “doing something”), and the values exercise that Joanne sent me was amazingly helpful. I went to a site where you had to choose your top 20 values from a list twice as long, and then half it, and half it again. You put those Top 5 Values in order of your priorities, and then - this was key for me - you define what it means. For example, here’s mine:

My most important value is:
Family Happiness
For me this means Ensuring that those I love (whether I’m related to them by blood, by marriage or by friendship) are healthy and happy, living the life they want to live

Another value is Health
For me this means Taking care of myself to ensure that I’m around for a long, long time

Another value is Friendship (Close relationship with others)
For me this means A mutual relationship that benefits all parties involved, that gives everyone a sense of support, comraderie, and a form of love

Another value is Pleasure (fun, laughs, a leisurely lifestyle)
For me this means To provide laughter and fun to those around me, and to receive it in return; to only chase after that which inspires and excites me

Another value is Integrity (honest, sincerity, standing up for oneself)
And this means Never allowing myself to be taken advantage of, and being upfront with those around me if I feel that my values and/or relationships are being compromised

While I know that I’m not using these values as much as I should (ie I’m not making all of my decisions based around them, which I aspire to do), it really put things in perspective for me. Instead of, “I shouldn’t eat that cheeseburger because it’ll make my fat” I say, “That cheeseburger is going to clog all of my arties and will make me die too early.” If I die too early, I can’t be around for “a long, long time” - which goes against my second (second!) value. I would like to get to a point where those values are sacred and would actually prevent me from eating the cheeseburger - but I’m not there now.

What was also eye-opening today was describing two friends of mine: one who I view as very lazy and unproductive, and another who has so many committments I don’t know how she can tell what day it is. I wouldn’t want to be my lazy friend (a 3 or 4 on a scale of 10, 10 being most productive) because I feel that his life of being stuck in a job he doesn’t like (but is too lazy to get out of) and spending nights with cable movies is a waste. However, I admired my lots-on-her-plate friend (a 15 on that productive scale) because she’s doing so much - she must be so fulfilled! But when I broke it down with Joanne, I realized, “Hey, I wouldn’t want that life.” I want to have time to charge my batteries, and bond with my friends, and talk to my man. To run from place to place to place isn’t much of a life either.

So, I know that I need to get my productiveness from an 8 or a 9 down to a 7. A 7 would be such a nice balance. It would allow me room for my passions and it would allow me room to breathe. I think I’m learning to focus on the breathing part more.