Monthly Archive

This was a great class today, since it gave me great ideas as to how to get clients (not just “networking” but “contact everyone you wrote a check to last year”) as well as what to do once they’re interested (conducting the trial session call and how to follow up). It made me think outside the box in regards to marketing ideas, which I’m very thankful for. However, I am glad that there is a Part 2 of this class so I can ask some follow-up questions. For example, Joanne laid out six steps that, if you follow them, will take you through the call - but I only felt that four of those steps were elaborated on. I’m unclear especially on actually coaching the client during the trial session. Is that done by a role play, or just by listening to what the client needs and supporting them? I know that there is no “formula” to be used on every client, but I want my Trial Sessions to be focused on what the client is looking to receive, what I have to offer, and discovering if this would be a mutually beneficial relationship.

I’m still a bit tied up in my head about getting everything in place - how is my Welcome Pack going to be laid out? how can I get business cards if I don’t have a website? - and I need to get the frick over that.  This class did inspire me, though, to stop brainstorming about names and just pick one already! I posted the ones I’m thinking over on the ICA discussion board and sent them to my friends that I know/love/trust/might be similar to potential clients. Here they are in case you want to comment, too (just don’t steal any of them, ‘kay?):

With A Cherry On Top Coaching

When I Grow Up Coaching

Standing Ovation Coaching

The Chutzpah Coach

Sing Out, Louise! Coaching

In a general sense, I want my name to reflect my personality (y’know - cute,friendly, humorous, nothing too “hippy dippy”) and attract the right clients (I’m mostly looking to work with creative types on career transitions & balance, with some relationship coaching thrown in). So, whaddya think?

Today I am thankful for my accountant, who took me through what it will take to get completely ready for my audit. Next week at this time I will be thankful that my audit is over!

I feel 10 pounds lighter right now!

I feel like I just got rid of my lies - those little white ones that you tell to get you out of a previous committment, or ones that make your boyfriend not look bad, or ones that let you get out of an invitation graciously. Even if I wasn’t asked “Why?” after saying “Sorry, I/she/he can’t make it” or “Sorry, I have to reschedule”, I would physically be unable to keep my mouth shut and a lie would come tumbling out.

“He couldn’t leave work early.”

“I’m not feeling well.”

“I have a late meeting at work.”

“I have to go to Long Island for a family birthday.”

Only about 50% of my excuses would actually be true. The other 50% were made up to make me up in the best possible light. And then, in my brain that has a notoriously bad memory (”I saw that guy that was in our English class in 7th grade….He had brown hair….I went to school with him for 10 years….His name is Brian? Or Scott? Maybe Steve? C’mon, work with me here!”), I would try to store these excuses in case they were called upon later. And although 90% of the time they never were, I remain at a constant stress level to keep everything straight - just in case.

Now, after brainstorming with Joanne and figuring out why I always offer an excuse (to make me look good/to spare the other person’s feelings/to beat the other person to the punch), I’m challenging myself to stop. Just stop! So the conversation will now go like this:

She: “Hey, why isn’t Luke here?”

Me: “Oh, he couldn’t make it.”

STOP!

If - horror of horrors - they ask, “Why not?” I will provide the most perfect answer ever given:

“He had some personal things to attend to.”

He had some personal things to attend to! My coach Joanne is a genius! If anyone follows up with “What?” after that, then they’re an idiot and I won’t waste my time stressing myself out to make an excuse.

I feel like the Heavens should part and an “Hallelujah!” chorus should come tumbling out. I am rid of my excuses since I’ve found that the best excuse of all is…..no excuse.

The last ICA/coaching class I had was my Peer Coach session last week, so it was nice to get back into the groove after a week of Jew stuff/weddings. Joanne left me with such wonderful things to say about my work ethic and attitude, so I’m feeling pretty good right now. Even though I can feel the progress that I’m making, and it’s affecting me every day, it’s still nice for someone else to recognize it. Especially since it’s something not easily recognizable! I mean, Luke isn’t going to say to me, “Hey babe, did you tell anyone No today?”

But she did leave me with a scary action which I accepted simply because it’s as empowering as it is scary. I have to draft an email to my cousin, asking her why she invited me family to her wedding after not speaking to us for 10 years. Joanne made me see the best and worst case scenario, and said that the outcome of going to this wedding would shape whether or not it would be a good scenario for me. Will I be shunned? Will I be welcome with open arms? Shunned = bad times; Open Arms = good times and a possible relationship with a family member that I really liked (at least 10 years ago). In my past life, I would have given in to my mother’s guilt and just went, being anxious about how we would be received and why we were there, and being upset to give up my personal time and energy for something that I wasn’t looking forward to.

In talking and listening to Joanne, I thought, “Why can’t I just figure this out before I go? Why can’t I do what I want her to do for me - write an email and see how I’m doing, what I’m up to, and to tell me that she wants to see me? If I send her an email, I think I’ll know the outcome of the wedding based on the response. She’ll either be happy that I reached out to her and offer those words of encouragement, or she’ll write back halfheartedly, if she writes back at all. Either way, it’ll help me sleep better when I reach my decision.”

I used to be a 10 year old girl who would always, always, always tell a friend when she hurt my feelings. Now I’m an “adult” who avoids confrontation and just wants to support everyone (sometimes instead of myself). I want to find the balance and be able to take the driver’s seat again. And this scary, empowering challenge will help me do just that.

It’s a lightning bolt moment! I think that Joanne really helped me figure out a way to get the burden off of my shoulders and help me not feel so freakin’ buried all of the time: a Brilliant Ideas book.

In talking about my “flakiness” - aka starting a ton of projects that I don’t finish (and then get on my To Do List for years to follow),  having 7 jobs in 4 years, etc - a key sentence came out of my mouth:

“I’m enthusiastic about the idea, but not the execution.”

I realized that I’ve spent countless hours researching, and building, and preparing, only to let projects go because they get stale, or I don’t have time, or it’s too much work. So much time, effort, and energy goes into nothing! So Joanne suggest that I start a book, or have an Inbox, that houses all of my ideas where they can stay, well, ideas. And then I can only look at them when I’m itching to start something new, and I can tackle them one at a time so it doesn’t get overwhelming.

“Name your book something empowering. Something descriptive.” I laughed and said “Brilliant Ideas!” I’m so excited to have a place to scribble what I’d like to happen someday - not what needs to happen now. In talking with Joanne, I realized that it might be worthwhile to write my idea on the To Do List and date it. If it doesn’t get done within a month, it gets put in the Brilliant Ideas book. That way, it’ll (a) show me if something is urgent or really important and (b) might put my butt into gear to do the small things just so they don’t have to go in the book! It’ll also make my To Do List a real To Do List, full of things that actually have to get done - not of things that I’d like to do.

Joanne didn’t ask me to do this, but I’m excited to see what happens if I replace the word “must” in my 10 Unwritten Rules with “prefer.”  What will it show me about how much of these rules come from within me, or frm within others that influence me? Here they are again:

Unwritten Rules I Live By, by Michelle

1. I prefer to be liked by everyone I meet, everywhere I go. As Joanne says, “Doesn’t everyone?” This definitely comes from within me, the actress part probably. I like being the one that stands out, whether it’s by my actions or my clothes or my sense of humor. I’m learning little by little that if someone isn’t friendly or including of me (which happens often in my job, where I’m “the new girl”), not to take it personally. Part of me is a bit relieved because I don’t feel like I have time for new friends!

2. I prefer to be “busy” as long as I’m awake. That’s definitely true. I have also, thankfully, learned to appreciate the art of “doing nothing” (aka reading, taking a bath, watching TV or a DVD) - just not every day. I’d like to, though!
3. I prefer to not do just one task at a time. Life is too short to just watch my favorite TV show! See above.

4. I prefer to be everyone’s friend who wants to be my friend, even if they don’t bring value to my life. No way! Why would I want that? Who singled me out as be-nice/have-pity-on-everyone-girl? I don’t want to be that girl anymore!

5. I prefer to never fail big. Little failures are acceptable if you make excuses for them. That excuses part sucks. I don’t want to make excuses any more. I don’t like failing big, though. It doesn’t feel good.
6. I prefer to be perfect. I guess this one has a lot of truth in it, too. I do want to be perfect at everything I do, and I need to learn to accept that I’m not going to perfect - or sometimes even good - at everything. Or most things! And that has to be OK.

7. I prefer to be very successful. Yes, please, I’d like a big super-gulp cup of “very successful.” That would be great. “Very successful” means having a wonderful family, unconditional love and support, respect and admiration of your peers/colleagues/friends, amazing friendships, a thriving career that you love, and so much money that you never have to worry about paying for anything. Ever.

8. I prefer to meet and exceed everyone’s expectations of me, especially my own. I hate feeling like I let someone down. To be honest, I’m used to having people have high expectations of me (let’s just say that I know how to interview), and when I don’t meet them I feel very ashamed and embarrassed. Like I lied to their face. It’s not a place that I ever want to be.

9. I prefer to be “on” all of the time. Not all of the time - that’s exhausting. I want to get to a point where I’m not “on” or “off” - I’m just me. But I feel like most people don’t know “me” - they know the people pleaser.

10. I prefer to be dependable, on time, and available when someone needs me. I do, to all of these points. A complete truth!

Today I’m grateful for the upcoming time I’m going to be able to spend with my family and my boyfriend. Even though I hate traveling (not the part where I’m in a new place-  the part where I have to pack my bags and get there), I love that I’m going to be able to go to temple with my family this week, and then go to FL for a long weekend with my boyfriend and his close friends. I’m looking forward to getting away and being with those that I love.

REFLECTION

1. What structures are you going to put in place in your practice that will direct the logistics of how you work with clients?

On mys website, I will put:

*my Mission Statement

* FAQs

* About Me

* Testimonials

* Who I Work With (quiz on being ready for coaching?)

* How I Work (abbreviated version of my Policies & Standards)

* Services, Programs & Workshops (no costs mentioned)

* a link to my blog

* a Newsletter sign-up and PDFs of past newsletters

I will email My Welcome Packet to the prospective client after they agree to be coached. This will be a thorough document that will lay out:

my Policies & Procedures, including:

* Logistics: How long are my sessions? How regular are my sessions? Face to face / phone / email? Cancellations? Rescheduling? Holidays?

* Payment: How do my clients pay? How much? How frequently?

* Standards & Boundaries: What will my clients expect from me? What will I expect from my clients? What boundaries do I put in place for my clients? What standards can my clients uphold me to?

* Confidentiality agreement

* Liability clause

our Coaching Agreement, specific to what was agreed upon by that particular client. This includes:

* length of coaching, including specific dates and time

* payment policies, including cost, frequency, and how they’re paying

* who initiates the call

* contact info for both parties

The client will initial the Welcome Packet on the bottom right hand corner of every page. They will also sign/initial the following:

“I have read, understand, and agree to the Policies & Procedures of X Coaching.”

“I understand that coaching does not involve the diagnosis or treatment of mental disorders and is not to be used as a substitute for professional mental health care.”

“I understand that I am responsible for all of my decisions, actions, or inactions.”
(Will they do this electronically or by mail? Can this be done if it’s a PDF? Does it have to be PDFd?)

Before our first session, I will email my client an Intake Form to be completed and emailed back at least 24 hours prior to our first session. This Word document will include:

* all client contact info, as well as emergency info

* How would you rank each aspect of your life (career, home, relationships, finance, leisure, self-care, love life, health)? Where and how would you like to improve?

* What are your 3 goals for the next 3 months? next year? next 3 years?

* What are your Top 5 values (include values exercise)?

* What are you looking to get from coaching, and how will you know when you receive value from it?

* How stressful/balanced is your life right now? Is that acceptable to you?

* What is the best part of your life right now? What is the worst part?

* What sort of support structure do you have in place? Name all of the people that you can rely on for unconditional support.

* What types of approaches discourage you, or take away motivation?

* What motivates you?

* Do you have a personal or professional vision? What is it?

2. What will be my client’s most common questions?

* What is coaching?

* What happens during a coaching session?

* Who works with a coach? (to be answered in the Who I Work With section of the website)

* How is coaching different from therapy, consulting, a sports coach or a best friend?

* How does coaching create better long-term results?

* Why do people hire a coach? (to be answered in the Who I Work With section of the website)

* How long do your clients work with you? (to be answered in the Who I Work With section of the website)

* What benefits might I experience from working with a coach?

* What factors are needed for coaching to be successful? (to be answered in the Who I Work With section of the website)

* How do I get the most out of my coaching?

* What does coaching cost?

* How can coaching work effectively over the phone or via email?

* What credentials do coaches have?oaches provide on-going follow-up and support. This helps the client act quickly tohave the life they want.

3. Five years from now, what difference could it make to your coaching practice to have standards you commit to and meet for your clients? I know that referrals are going to make up a major part of my business, and I want my new clients to expect exactly what my old clients received that led them to refer me!

4. What could be the impact of advertising standards to your clients and perspective clients? If I advertise my standards, my clients will know that this is a partnership. I had a voice teacher who would charge you for a lesson if you canceled less than 24 hours in advance, but there was nothing in place if the opposite happened (or if he was late/didn’t show at all!). This led me to think that the teacher didn’t care about my time or progress, and only cared about getting my money. That is not the foundation that I want to build for my practice.

5. When is the best time to introduce clients or perspective clients to your policies? I think it’s best to put an abbreviated version of your policies on your website/brochure so that clients are aware of your policies, and have to commit to them, prior to agreeing to work with you. After the trial call, I will email my Welcome Packet to them so they can make note of all of the policies and procedures that I have in place.

Ton is such a great teacher! It seems like he was teaching without a net today, but he was really addressing our questions and concerns as well as helping us clarify exactly what coaching is (and what’s expected from us as coaches).

I feel like the most powerful thing he said today is that we’re not in the helping business, but we are in the clarifying business. We don’t give them suggestions or advice - that only shows them that they can hire someone to solve their problems! What coaches do is to make the picture as clear as possible, and to allow the client to see how they can shift their perspective to get unstuck. They can apply that practice for the rest of their lives on their own, and that’s way more empowering!

One of my fellow students said that she’s going to focus on being the World’s Best Listener, since that’s such a key element in being an effective coach. But when Ton asked, “How will your client know that you’re the World’s Best Listener?” he stumped us all! But by:

* asking questions
* giving great feedback
* putting together what they said during the entire session(s)
* making them stop and question themselves

they’ll know that you’re taking in what’s being said, processing it, and figuring out how to clarify (notice that I didn’t say help) their situation. This is something that I’m constantly going to keep in mind, since I know I quickly tend to give “advice” and “fill the silences” in order to feel like I’m “helping.” It’s going to be a whole new way of approaching situations for me.

I had a lot of ideas spark this week, so I’m going to go on record by saying that I’m committing myself to spend 10 hours next week brainstorming business names and tag lines, as well as defining my niche and starting my welcome packet. By the time I get back from my trip to Florida on 9/17, I’ll

* have a business name

* have a great tag line

* have defined my niche and mission statement

* have started my Welcome Packet

It’s scary to think that by this time next week (almost) I’ll know where I’m going, but I think it’s the only way I can get out of my doubt loop (y’know, the little voice in my head saying “You can’t start coaching! You don’t know what you’re doing yet!”) and into my new career.

It’s hard to think of something to be grateful for today, since I found out 2 hours ago that I’ve been audited for my 2005 taxes. But, since I did have a lovely afternoon with my grandparents prior to getting that letter, I am very grateful to have both of my mother’s parents in my life when I’m the ripe old age of 29+. I know that I always have their love, guidance, and support, and I’m so thankful for the time that I get to spend with them.

This was my first class that was strictly role playing, and it was great for a few reasons:

1. It reinforced the idea that we’re all learning, so even though it was only my sixth class, I won’t be so scared to play the coach next time around. And even if I get scared, I’ll remember that I’m an actress - I can just pretend that I’m a coach!

2. Even though we only had 2 10-minute “sessions”, the key principles were reinforced: paraphrasing the client to understand what they mean, finding their UAC, withholding judgment or advice, and asking questions.

3. I realized that another part of coaching, which has escaped me until now, was that the curiosity of the coach is an important element. For example, I played the role of the client in the second role play, and went into detail about how “a friendship, to me, is about giving and getting 100%” and “it’s hard for me to say no to a ‘friend’, even if it’s someone who doesn’t bring anything to my table.” Now, I made these statements apart from each other, but the coach picked up on it and asked me to explain more about giving/getting 100%. And what does giving/getting 100% have to do with not being able to say no? EVERYTHING! If the coach wasn’t curious about how those two things relate to each other, and didn’t ask me to go into more detail about it, I never would have put two and two together. I’m not sure exactly where to go from here, but it’s certainly a great eye-opener and a wonderful start.

Here I was worried that, when I started coaching, I’d have to have a mini-script in front of me, prompting me to ask certain questions or execute certain exercises. What I realized tonight is that it’s enough to effectively listen, and inquire about what sparks my curiosity, and offer feedback, and keep asking questions. It’s a lot of pressure to feel like you’re required to enable someone to change their life, but I know that if I just stick to these elements I’ll be a great coach.

Today, I feel grateful for my opportunities. I love that many doors are wide open to me now, and that I can choose to walk through all or none of them.

Joanne not only sparked some great ideas today, she also lifted me out of the funk that I’ve been in since mid-afternoon. I was feeling very stressed today for an unknown reason, but this isn’t rare for me. I try to point my finger on it, but usually fail. Is it my big fat debt that’s stressing me out? Or is it the work meeting that I have tomorrow? Or is it the fact that almost half of Sept is already “reserved” by wedding, babies, and Jew stuff and I’m feeling overwhelemed?

I’m getting to the point where I’m going to recognize what’s at the root of all of this and switch it off. Even if that’s too far-fetched (I’d be surprised if I came out the other end being this relaxed person that never put any pressure on herself), I feel like I’m going to at least be able to dim it.

When I explained to Joanne how I feel guilty about not reaching out to a friend - even if it’s a friend that I’ve decided to no longer pursue a friendship with - she said “So what you’re saying is that you’re 100% responsible for this person’s life and relationships?” I nodded throughout her statement, and then answered “Yes!” while laughing, because I knew that it was just utterly ridiculous.  And I don’t want to figure out how to sever ties with this girl - I want t discover how to not  feel guilty about it. It all comes back to a sense of responsibility, and whether it’s with an old “friend” or a box of papers that should have been filed 6 months ago, the burden is always on my shoulders.

Because my time seems to not become my own, and because I told Joanne that - while I do look forward to seeing my friends - my brain goes on overload if I see too many activities on my calendar. I need some breathing room, but I also like knowing when I’m getting quality time with the friends who I love (we’re all very busy, extremely popular people) . Joanne said to give some thought to how much time to give my friends - both ones that I value seeing and other, low-priority friends - and when The Friend Budget is up, I can’t see any more friends. It’s freaking me out a bit, but it really intrigued me at the same time. So, I’m going to try to figure out what my friend budget is, as well as giving myself a budget for the rest of my “commitments”. And I’ll do it here on my blog. Lucky you guys!

So, here’s the ideal breakdown of my time:

1 week = 168 hours

TASK            TIME           TOTAL HOURS        HOURS LEFT
Sleep            51 hours            51 hours                        117
Work            55 hours            106                                62
ICA               6 hours              112                                56
Fitness         4 hours               116                                52
Luke            35 hours            151                                 17
Friends        10 hours            161                                 7
Me               5 hours               166                                2
Misc            2 hours                168                                0

I already see the difficulty in tracking this, since many activities overlap. For example, even though I was with Luke all day yesterday, for 2.5 I saw friends and for 1 hour I was reading, so does it count as Luke time or me time or friend time? I wanted to track all of these for a week, but now I see (a) this was a bad week to do it because of the holiday and (b) it’s going to make me even more anal and crazy than I already am. So, I’m going to do a Friend Budget (this only includes face-to-face time, not phone or email time), a Fitness Budget, and an ICA budget. Those are the three areas of my life right now that I need to either budget or stretch myself. I’m going to bump my ICA budget to 10 hours, too, so I can include writing my Welcome Pack, designing my business plan, and doing my homework.

The scary Coach Challenge that Joanne gave me was to write down all of those Unwritten Rules I Live By. I’m going to make sure that they all get put here, because I have a feeling I want to get all of them down so I can burn them. OK, maybe not all of them, but probably most of them. Here they are:

Unwritten Rules I Live By, by Michelle

1. I must be liked by everyone I meet, everywhere I go.

2. I must be “busy” as long as I’m awake.

3. I must not do just one task at a time. Life is too short to just watch my favorite TV show!

4. I must be everyone’s friend who wants to be my friend, even if they don’t bring value to my life.

5. I must never fail big. Little failures are acceptable if you make excuses for them.

6. I must be perfect.

7. I must be very successful.

8. I must meet and exceed everyone’s expectations of me, especially my own.

9. I must be “on” all of the time.

10. I must be dependable, on time, and available when someone needs me.

Ugh, this is getting depressing. I thought this was going to be more difficult, but I came up with The Big 10 in under 10 minutes!

Let’s switch to what I’m grateful about today. I am grateful for by proactive tendencies, and for confronting something scary and trying to become a better, happier person. I am grateful for having ICA and Joanne in my life and for the desire to actually pursue my wants and desires.

Discussion

1. How do you feel about receiving feedback? I wish that everyone knew the difference between feedback and criticism! Feedback is a wonderful tool that is non-judgmental and can not be taken personally or perceived negatively, as it does not devalue the person who is receiving it.

2. What kind of feedback has made a difference to you? When I received inspiring feedback, it was because I was led to fully understand what was being told to me. For example, if I were in acting class, and the teacher said at the end of my scene, “That was horrible! I didn’t believe you at all when you told him that you loved him!”, I would immediately get defensive and shut down. But conversely, if the teacher said at the end of the same scene, “I didn’t believe you when you told him that you loved him. What was your objective right then?”, then that would get me to start thinking, and from a series of questions or exercises I would see what I did wrong, and what I needed to do in order to make the audience believe that I was in love.

3. What kind of feedback has left you disempowered? The very first show I did in NYC was a terrible experience. I was hired by the writer of the show without ever meeting the director, and it was obvious from the start that I was not right for the part/the director didn’t like me. I had a solo song, and when I was in rehearsals both the director and the choreographer would not only tell me that I was “doing it wrong” but that I didn’t sound or “look right” - often in front of the whole cast! Without anything specific or any further details, I was constantly embarrassed and self-conscious when my solo came up, and refused to tell any of my friends where the show was because I (a) knew the show itself was awful and (b) I thought that I was awful in it.

4. What is the difference between feedback and criticism? Feedback is a neutral, objective observation that does not utilize judgment or opinion. Criticism is normally a judgmental opinion that devalues the person receiving it.

5. What is the purpose of feedback in a coaching session? Feedback gives the client self-awareness and allows them to see the impact that they’re having on others.  It helps them realize, objectively, what they did at that point in time and how they might want to react differently in the future.

Reflection & Application

1. Choose three people who know you well and ask them for feedback on something in your life right now. (Choose something of low importance. This will help you stay objective. It could be the last dinner party you had or the state of your garden.) Evaluate the feedback you were given. How did you respond? Was some feedback better than others? What made it so? What did you learn from this exercise? Since I was asking people that are not training to be coaches nor have ever been coached, I tended to receive advice more than feedback or criticism. More often than not, I was told right away that “It’s going to be OK” or “Let me think and I’ll call you back with what I think you should do.” While I appreciated the time and care that these people put into the situation - and in hearing the different ways which others would have handled the situation - it did not allow me to see how I reacted and how I should conduct myself in the future. It wasn’t until I looked back objectively on the situation myself that I was able to see what I could have done differently and how I was going to handle this situation the following day. The feedback that was not helpful was one where I was told “It’s going to be OK” without being asked any questions after I told my side of the story. I wasn’t trusting of that feedback, or that advice, and tended to discount out since I thought that it was just being said to make me feel better.

2.When and how might you use role-play with your clients? Role play is a great technique when a client is unsure on how to have a conversation with someone, or has some fear around what to say and how to proceed. In this case, role-play becomes essentially a practice for conversation so that the client can find some powerful and clear way to communicate to resolve the situation. As a coach, you can provide them with effective feedback on how to make it even more powerful.

Role-play takes place when the client plays themselves, and reverse role-play takes place when you play the client and they play the other person in the situation. Role plays can also be used to have the client’s current self talk to their future self, and have their future self relay what they learned from that particular situation. Yet another way to role play is to have the client do it in a journal. After a week, they should come back to the entry with fresh eyes and see if anything jumps out at them. Is there anything that they could have done differently?
3. What are three situations you might encounter as a coach in which role-play could be useful? 1) A woman wants to talk to her current boyfriend about “the future” but is worried about scaring him off instead. 2) A client wants to switch to a part-time work schedule and is unsure how to make it look appealing to their boss. 3) A client is scared about telling their parents that they are dropping their pre-med major to pursue a career as an actor.

4. Find one friend who is willing to be coached on an issue. Help them identify one conversation they are hesitant about. For example, asking for a raise; correcting an employee’s behavior; how to communicate something sensitive to a partner; how to handle a complaint they have with someone, or how to apologize
for something they did wrong. Do at least two role-plays with them.

5. BONUS: Practice with at least two more people. Do both, the standard role- play and reverse role-play.

I had a new teacher that I liked very much today. His name is Ton (short for Anthony, which I’ve never heard but might be a nickname in his neck of the Netherlands woods) and his accent makes it seem like Arnold Schwartzenagger is leading the class. But that’s not what’s great about him - he opens the class up to your questions right from the start, so immediately he tailors the class around the student’s concerns. This is probably the way he coaches as well, since he made the point that the coachee is the driver and the coach is in the driver’s seat. Although as coaches we might think that it’s all about us (we have to provide the questions that will get the answers, we are the ones that have to lead the discussion, we are the ones who are held accountable if change is not being made), that’s way off base. I have to remember to remember that, since it already helps take a bit of the pressure off of this perfectionist.

Getting Started is all about starting your coaching business, so this was my second class in a row that was more business based and less about coaching techniques. As someone with zero business background - not even a class in college - it’s much appreciated and very informative. I started the class being very overwhelmed with all of the things that must happen, business wise, to become a coach (ie choosing a name, buying and designing a web site, creating a welcome packet), but a fellow student shared that she created a flowchart, broken down step by step, to make it more manageable to her. I think this is something for me to do this week so I can feel like I have a better handle on things and I can take it little by little. As someone who’s always busy and tends to be overwhelmed by a new project or responsibility (even one that I put upon myself happily), I know that chunking this down will give me some more breathing room.

I realized this week that I’ve been lax on doing the homework for these classes, which is easy to do because it’s not reinforced in person - it’s just something that is in our papers. I’ve decided that, what I completely finish the module, I’ll do the self test and answer the questions that are asked, so you all have that to look forward to! I also know that I need to be part of the Discussion Board, but I’ve been a little hesitant in getting on there because the back-and-forth aspect of it, while I know would be beneficial for me, seems so time consuming in my head. That’s why I like this blog - it’s really just me (although I promise that I really do welcome all comments, and I look at my blog stats and would love a larger audience) and it hasn’t felt like an obligation at all.

Today, I’m grateful for beautiful August weather and a nice long weekend. It’s 80 degrees and sunny with no humidity and is supposed to stay that way for all of my days off, and I love nothing more than being on my roof deck with friends and a barbeque - and that’s exactly what I’m doing this evening!

I’m chipping at the surface (I think). I completed my challenge last week not once but twice (once by taking an hour long bath with me, my book, and some bubbles; twice by spending a whole day with my best friends and not coming home at 10pm and “doing something”), and the values exercise that Joanne sent me was amazingly helpful. I went to a site where you had to choose your top 20 values from a list twice as long, and then half it, and half it again. You put those Top 5 Values in order of your priorities, and then - this was key for me - you define what it means. For example, here’s mine:

My most important value is:
Family Happiness
For me this means Ensuring that those I love (whether I’m related to them by blood, by marriage or by friendship) are healthy and happy, living the life they want to live

Another value is Health
For me this means Taking care of myself to ensure that I’m around for a long, long time

Another value is Friendship (Close relationship with others)
For me this means A mutual relationship that benefits all parties involved, that gives everyone a sense of support, comraderie, and a form of love

Another value is Pleasure (fun, laughs, a leisurely lifestyle)
For me this means To provide laughter and fun to those around me, and to receive it in return; to only chase after that which inspires and excites me

Another value is Integrity (honest, sincerity, standing up for oneself)
And this means Never allowing myself to be taken advantage of, and being upfront with those around me if I feel that my values and/or relationships are being compromised

While I know that I’m not using these values as much as I should (ie I’m not making all of my decisions based around them, which I aspire to do), it really put things in perspective for me. Instead of, “I shouldn’t eat that cheeseburger because it’ll make my fat” I say, “That cheeseburger is going to clog all of my arties and will make me die too early.” If I die too early, I can’t be around for “a long, long time” - which goes against my second (second!) value. I would like to get to a point where those values are sacred and would actually prevent me from eating the cheeseburger - but I’m not there now.

What was also eye-opening today was describing two friends of mine: one who I view as very lazy and unproductive, and another who has so many committments I don’t know how she can tell what day it is. I wouldn’t want to be my lazy friend (a 3 or 4 on a scale of 10, 10 being most productive) because I feel that his life of being stuck in a job he doesn’t like (but is too lazy to get out of) and spending nights with cable movies is a waste. However, I admired my lots-on-her-plate friend (a 15 on that productive scale) because she’s doing so much - she must be so fulfilled! But when I broke it down with Joanne, I realized, “Hey, I wouldn’t want that life.” I want to have time to charge my batteries, and bond with my friends, and talk to my man. To run from place to place to place isn’t much of a life either.

So, I know that I need to get my productiveness from an 8 or a 9 down to a 7. A 7 would be such a nice balance. It would allow me room for my passions and it would allow me room to breathe. I think I’m learning to focus on the breathing part more.