I’m so excited to start getting coached by Joanne Hunold of In Tandem Coaching. I’ll be helping her get certified by being coached for 12 sessions, and she’ll be helping me try to balance my life, relieve my stress (I sometimes call it my “busy head”), manage my money, and learn how to say “no.” I don’t know who’s getting a better deal, but I think that it might be me!

I haven’t gotten the opportunity to speak with Joanne yet, but I immediately felt like we were a great fit. She’s thinking of specializing on work/life balance, and I feel like that’s what I need help with more than anything. I know that the overwhelming feeling that I get when I’ve bitten off more than I can chew leads to a lot of my stresses, so if I can feel like I can manage all of my committments (and learn how to say “no” to things that aren’t on my priority list) then I think a lot of that stress would just disappear.

Joanne gave me a real thought-provoking questionnaire to fill out before westarted working together, and I just finished it. So, in order to really put myself out there - and to make me feel more accountable for my goals and actions - I decided to copy and paste the whole thing here. It’s really scary being so vulnerable, but I’m going for it because I know that it will add up to a richer learning experience.

Your Goals
What are the three biggest changes you want to make in your life in the next 3 months?
1. Learn how to balance/prioritize my responsibilities
2. Learn to say “No”
3. Get a handle on my debt and start building various savings accounts

What are the three biggest changes you want to make in your life over the next 3 years?
1. Get certified and start my own coaching practice!
2. Pay off my debt

3. Only have positive people in my life, and not feel a sense of guilt or obligation to do everything that is asked of me (or everything that I want to do!)

What do you most want to achieve? And do you feel ready for it?
I want, more than anything, to start my coaching practice and become self-employed. I feel that I’m making great progress by taking a “day job” that will fulfill my financial needs while providing benefits and a 401K, and also will not be a job that I’d have to take home with me. Having this financial secutiry will allow me to build up my nest egg so that, when I feel that I have a strong enough client base and can support myself full-time with my coaching, that I can let go of my day job and stand on my own two feet!

Your History
What would you say have been your 3 greatest accomplishments to date?
1. Getting into NYU for musical theatre
2. Being proactive and taking the journey to find a new passion, and signing up for these classes!
3. Not taking my ex back after he broke up with me / being able to see who he really was and not allowing him back into my life

What is the hardest thing in your life that you have had to overcome?
I know that this sounds ridiculous, but my parents divorce at age 19 was just as difficult as a sudden break-up with my live-in boyfriend of 5 years when I was 27. My parent’s divorce happened at a time where I was starting college and a life on my own, and - while deeply upsetting to me - wasn’t as earth-shattering if it had happened when I was an adolescent.

When my boyfriend of almost 5 years broke up with me suddenly, I had to move out of his apartment (where I paid $500/mo), to my own studio (for $1100/month). Because I did well as a real estate agent the year before, I didn’t think that the rent would be problematic - but my real estate career suddenly took a nosedive. The financial burden on top of the emotional burden was crushing at times, and I fell into a depression of sorts for at least 6 months. Cutting off all communication with him, trying to pay my way, and going into the dating world after such a long hiatus were all extremely difficult obstacles for me.

Who are or have been your major role models? My Mom has been a role model for me, since she’s been supportive of all of my dreams since Day 1. Our relationship, as well as the relationships that she’s had with others, have showed me that I should treat myself with respect and not tolerate anything that isn’t “good” for me (a sour friendship, an abusive boss, etc).

Have you worked with a coach before or a similar one-on-one adult relationship (e.g. tennis coach, piano teacher, or therapist)? If yes, what worked well for you and what did not work in the relationship(s)?
I’ve had a million teachers - acting, singing, piano, dance, tennis, swimming, science tutors, therapists..it goes on and on! I think support and encouragement is key for me. I ended up leaving teachers that took my money and helped me along, but didn’t really seem so interested in me. For example, I had a singing teacher for a long time that would constantly tell me what I should and shouldn’t sing at auditions - but, after being my teacher for 7 years he never came to see me in a show! I ended up leaving because I felt that, if he didn’t know how I was getting cast and what roles I was playing, he wasn’t able to give me advice on what I should and should not sing at auditions.

What major transitions have you had in the past two years? Entering or approaching a new decade, a new relationship, a new job, a new role, a new residence, change in children’s ages/stages, etc.?
So many!

I’ve been with my amazing boyfriend Luke for a year and a half, and we moved in together this past November. We compliment each other extremely well and treat each other with love and support, and I have absolutely nothing to complain about. It still amazes me to this day that we’ve never had a fight, but I think that’s a testiment to the way we treat and speak to each other.

I’m starting my 4th (I think) new job in two years on Monday (8/20/07), so it’s been quite a struggle to find the right environment for me. As I explained before, though, I feel that this new job will be great for me in a lot of ways, and I feel that I’ll be there until I get my coaching practice off the ground (whenever that may be).

I’m also about to turn 30 in January, so I think that - while I’m not depressed or upset about The Big 3-0, it has subconsciously pushed me along in making all of these life changes for myself.

Improvements
List improvements you would like to make in the following areas of your life.

Family/home life: None
Financial situation: Get rid of credit card debt; max out my 401K; start saving for my coaching practice
Career or Business life: Get on the path to make my coaching practice a full-time - and lucrative - career. I also want to put together a 1-woman cabaret show for myself within the next year, too.
Personal Character: Figure out when to say NO (even if I might want to do it all) and make sure I have the time that I need for me, for Luke, for my coaching life, my social life and my acting life (it makes me exhausted just writing all of that)!
Relationships: I’d like to be able to sever some ties with the negative people in my life without feeling guilty
Leisure time: I’d like to have more free time, where I can do what I like best - take a bath, read on my roof deck, write in my blog, etc
Self-care: See above - plus, I’d like to make exercising an automatic part of my day instead of an afterthought.
Learning: ICA should take care of that!

Your Life
Who are the key people in your life and what do they provide for you?
Luke is my best friend, and he provides a home for me to laugh or cry in.

My Mom is someone that wants to hear everything that I’m doing, and wants to support me through all of my personal accomplishments or defeats. When I put something new on my plate, or decide to make a big transition (like become a life/career coach), she wants to learn all she can about it. When I do a show, she’s in the front row on the first night, always. She’s my biggest cheerleader.

I’ve known my best friend Lisa for 17 years, and she provides me a key to my adolescence and my history.

My best girfriends, Candace, Nancy, Erica and Alexis provide me with a place to gossip, and swap dating/relationship/career stories, and plan for the future, and laugh my head off.

Is your life one of your choosing? If not, which parts are being chosen for you? I choose too much for my life! The only parts being chosen for me are some social events, where I feel like I can’t say “no” because I’d either be missing out on something fun or I feel obligated to that person in some way.

What is your favorite part of your typical day? Coming home at night to Luke. We catch up on each other’s day and he always makes me feel better about anything that might have stressed me out.

What is your least favorite part of your typical day? Waking up! Mornings are hand for me, although I’d love to start waking up with enough time to blog, take a class, or exercise before work.

Looking at the past six months of your life, do you like the direction your life is moving in? Yes

On a scale of 1 to 10, 10 high, 1 being the lowest and 10 being the highest, rate the amount of stress in your life right now. 6

What are your primary stressors? Getting everything done, especially when I was looking for a new job! At least that’s off my plate. But as of now, I’m juggling:
* my new job
* my ICA classes
* putting together my cabaret show
* exercising 3-4 times/week
* my social life
* time with Luke
* “me” time

List five things that you are tolerating or putting up with in your life at present. (examples: info. you can’t find, clutter, rude friends, poor lighting, tight shoes, dented car, job dissatisfaction, dead plants, broken equipments, old appliances, etc.)
1. a huge pile of clothes to dry clean/hand wash/sew
2. a pile of stuff that I want to sell on eBay or Craig’s List (which is just clutter right now)
3. some friends that I see out of obligation
4. trying to stay within a budget (and not have it damper my social life!)
5. not being able to find time to exercise as much as I’d like to

Yourself
List five adjectives that describe you at your best.
1. Funny
2. Personable
3. Energetic
4. Inquisitive
5. Bright

List five adjectives that describe you at your worst.
1. Moody
2. Stressed
3. Snippy
4. Rude
5. Impatient

What are your 3 major concerns/fears about yourself?
1. I won’t have a career that I’m passionate about
2. I won’t have enough money to retire with
3. I won’t “be successful”

What are your 3 major concerns/fears about life?
1. Developing cancer (it runs in my family)
2. That no matter how hard you try, it might not be enough
3.

What motivates you? Doing something that I love, or that has a pay-off. For example, I’m motivated to exercise not because I love exercising (although I love some of my exercise classes), but because I know it’ll keep me at the weight I want to be at. But, I’m motivated to get certified so I can start working with clients, because I know that it would be a great reason for me to get up in the morning.

What are you learning/accepting about yourself at present? So much! That life isn’t just about trying to make it as an actress. That it’s OK to want new things for yourself - even if it’s not the things that others want. That it’s OK to not be everything to everyone. That it’s OK to have 7 jobs in 4 years, instead of settling for something that’s not satisfactory for you. That it’s OK to lose my pessimistic streak and start turning my negative thoughts into positive ones.

Coaching You
What would you like me to do if you get behind on your goals?
Kick my butt! Not literally, because that would be difficult to do from Arizona, but part of the reason I love coaching is that you’re accountable to someone. So make me accountable!

I must say, though, that I usually am the teacher’s pet and that it’ll be rare for me not to do my homework. BUT that’s not to say that I always do it thoroughly and honestly, so feel free to call me out if you feel that I’m not digging deep enough.

How will you know when you are receiving value (i.e. your money’s worth) from the coaching process?
If I stop feeling like I need massages to get all of the stresss-related tension out of my shoulders! Honestly, I feel that coaching will have made a difference if I start feeling like I’m managing my life instead of having it manage me.

What types of approaches discourage you or take away motivation?
Anything that comes from a place that will make me defensive, or make me feel like nothing will change. For example, I had a career counselor that suggested I get jaw surgery to make my bottom jaw smaller so that I can get more acting jobs - even though this was not a concern to me, nor was it applicable to my situation. This was completely out of line, made me lose focus with the task at hand, and made me feel unattractive and unmarketable.

Are there any alterations in my natural style you wish me to make when working with you?
I don’t think so! Our emails have been great, but I promise you I’ll bring it up if I feel that I don’t respond to something in your style when we have our calls.

Do you enjoy self-assessments and improvement programs? Yes

Here are ways coaching clients use me. Which appeal to you?
x Brainstorming strategies together
x Support, encouragement and validation
x Insight into who you are and your potential
Painting a vision of what you can become or accomplish
x Exploring and removing blocks and obstacles to your success
x Accountability; checking up on goals
Working through self-improvement programs together
x Suggesting or designing action steps

Potential and Possibility
Do you have a personal or professional vision? If so, what is it? Well, in my ideal life, I’d support myself as a coach. I think I’m going to specialize in career coaching for creative types - especially when they’re looking to transition out of that work and into something else that they can be passionate about. I’d be able to have a handful on clients that I coach on the phone, but I’d love to get involved with face-to-face group coaching as well as public speaking. I’d be able to blog and would be considered an expert in my field.

HOWEVER, I don’t want to take away from my “me” time, and my acting time, and my Luke time, and my social time! So while I know that being a coach would be very fulfilling, it also appeals to me because I can manage my own time, and wouldn’t have to give up working with the theatre company that I’m a part of.

What would you like to contribute to the world? I’d like to be someone that helped people find the road to their passion. I want them to say that, because of my coaching, that they’re happy to wake up every day.

What do you think is NOT possible to achieve in your lifetime that you wish you could? Be a professional actor, and support myself at that. After giving it a go for ten years, and after coming to a point in my life where I wouldn’t want to leave the loving relationships that I have in New York, I just don’t think that it’s the right path for me.

What is a dream or goal you have given up on? Being a professional actor. I couldn’t handle the unfulfilling day jobs, and being away from the people I loved, and the rejection over and over and over again.

What part of yourself, if any, have you given up on? I really don’t think I’ve given up on any part of myself.

On a scale of 1 to 10, 1 being the lowest and 10 being the highest, rate the quality of your life today. 8

If you reach the age of 95 and continue to live your life and order your time the way you are right now, what regrets do you think you will have? (tip: complete the statement “I wish I had…”) Do not include things from the past—only things you will regret if you continue your exact present path.
I wish that I had allowed myself to see things more optomistically, and to embrace each day with an inquisitive nature and lots of enthusiasm. I wish I let go of some of the cynacism, some of the jadedness, and really embraced a new way to live my life.
Your Tastes
Favorite Color(s): Blur or red, depending on the day

Style of Decorating or Clothing (examples: Traditional, Sporty, Classic, Romantic, Dramatic, Contemporary, Eclectic…anything that describes your style): Funky. My roommates in college told me that they’d often open up my closet “just to look at all of the colors.”

Collections (if you have any): Playbills! I have a Playbill for almost every show I’ve ever seen.

Hobbies: Seeing shows, being in shows, going to the movies, eating out, shopping (although that one has to stop!), dancing, yoga

Favorite Authors, Types of Books or Magazines: My favorite book is “Marjorie Morningstar” by Herman Wouk, followed by “Stones from the River” by Ursula Hegi and “I Know This Much is True” by Wally Lamb. I love fiction books, and am now opening up to self-improvement and financial books. I also subscribe to Self and Jane, as well as TIme Out New York and New York magazine.

Types of Music you Enjoy, including favorite artists: I like pretty much anything but heavy metal, rap, and country. My favorite artists are Joan Osbourne, Alanis Morisette, Gwen Stefani, Missy Elliot, Eminem, Justin Timberlake, Dave Matthews, and Fiona Apple (eclectiv, I know)!

Foods/Drinks/Flavors: I can live on sweet potato fries and plantains (although I’d be malnourished and very heavy). I also love wine and mojitos, and apple juice always makes me feel better when I’d sad.

Scents (as in, Vanilla, Berry, Old Spice, floral, woodsy, “new car”, etc.)
Orange, vanilla